Another Merlin fic! Song fic to the Florence + the Machine song, 'No Light, No Light'. I'm thinking of writing a series of one-shots to Florence songs since I feel like it fits the show perfectly.

AU Season 4


No Light, No Light

You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said

The witch's green eyes snapped open. She sat up, feeling the empty space beside her. It was cool to the touch. He must have left quite a while ago. She brought her fingers to her lips, wondering if it were all a dream. That he wasn't really there at all. Her fingers slid to her pale neck. She was sure there would be marks in the morning. She closed her eyes, remembering his hands wrapped around her throat, ready to kill her. But then, he didn't. He never could bring himself to do so.

She got out of her bed, shrugging into her tattered dressing gown. Her trusted dagger sat on the table in the hovel. She remembered the cuts she had inflicted on his pale, luminous skin.

You are the night-time fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over your start

You're my head
You're my heart

It had started when she had captured him, to get him to kill Arthur. He had failed to do so, and he came back, furious. She recalled the pain and anger in his voice, the way his bright blue eyes narrowed at her.

"We were friends, Morgana," he said pitifully, wondering if there was any way to save her.

"That was a long time ago," her voice trembled. He had tried to poison her. She tried to kill him.

She did intend to kill him. The dagger was in her hand, magic be damned. Without warning, he had snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close into a kiss. Her traitorous lips had responded eagerly, letting out a sound of pleasure without her permission. Feelings long repressed, from when he had first come to Camelot, bubbled to the surface. She tried to fight it, but it was like he had a hold over her.

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

After their complete loss of sanity (because that's what it must have been), he left her, disgust clear on his face. Disgusted with himself, disgusted with her. He felt so dirty, so wrong. Yet he came back. Merlin tried to reason with her, and she summoned every belonging she owned, smashing it on him. Vases, chairs, tables, all hit him, crashing and breaking apart. When he was a heap on the floor, some unknown, repressed emotion would overcome her senses, and she knelt beside him, digging him out. She cradled his head in her lap, healing him because she didn't want to see him hurt for very long.

"Why don't you kill me and get it over with?" he spat at her once.

"You won't rid of me that easily," she replied, stroking his hair. His cheek, his jaw, before kissing him.

You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

They'd lay on her bed, bodies entwined. She could hear his heartbeat, and it soothed her. She dragged her fingers across his chest, knowing her scratches would leave scars. It was her way of leaving her mark on him, so no one else would touch him. He was rough with her, sometimes. She could have never imagined him to be so forceful, when he was the kindest of them all. She enjoyed the rough stubble of his cheek on her skin as he kissed her lips, her neck, her chest, and lower still. She liked how he wasn't afraid to bite her, or scratch like she did to him. She hated the effect he had on her, and loved it all the same.

That first night, he put his trousers on, then his shirt. She remained in bed, watching him leave.

"Stay," she said. It wasn't a request, or a demand.

"I'll come back," he promised, not looking at her as he left.

She watched as the door slammed and she could feel her heart clench. She would not let herself cry over a simple manservant, a peasant, and the enemy. She was far too good for that. She would not beg.

No light, no light
No light

She had gone out to collect herbs during the day, and at nightfall when she returned, she found a bouquet of wild flowers, held together with the ripped cloth of a red neckerchief. She tried not to smile, but she couldn't help it. There was no light inside her hovel, not even a candle burned, but he was there. She could see his blue eyes in the dark, and she went to him.

Tell me what you want me to say
Through the crowded islands
Crying out at me
In your place there were a thousand other faces

She hated him. She was angry at him. So he was Emrys. No wonder she felt like she knew who the old man was. She threw him a dirty look and aimed her dagger right at his throat. His eyes flashed gold and it spun around, heading right toward her throat.

"You lied to me," she snarled, knocking him back with a spell.

"We lied to each other," he stood shakily, throwing her against the wall.

This would have been the point at which he would have scooped her up and dropped her on her bed, him on top of her. Instead, he left without another word. She wrapped her arms around her knees, huddled next to the wall. How had this happened?

I will disappear in plain sight
Heaven help me
I need to make it right
You are the revelation
You are to get it right
And it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight

She wasn't there when he returned to the hovel the following night. He sat on her bed and waited, fists clenched. She had tried to kill Arthur (again), but he knew it was more jab at himself than actually wanting the king dead (this time, anyway).

She returned, stunned to see him there. She walked up to him, lifting him off the bed with magic and hitting him across the face. She punched him in the gut before he wound his hand around the back of her head, pulling at her hair, bringing her flush against him. She banged her fists against his chest in a weak attempt to break free. She didn't want to break free. Instead she let him capture her mouth with his. She clawed at his shirt, deeming it unnecessary.

You want a revelation
Some kind of revolution
You are the revelation

"This is madness, Morgana. Just forget about trying to take over Camelot," he tried to reason with her, to get her to go back to the way she was. The Lady Morgana: the kind, spirited ward of King Uther.

She'd never go back to that.

"Don't you understand?" she laughed bitterly, "Uther killed our kind, Merlin. You should be on my side, not his."

She nearly spat out the last word. She wanted nothing more that for him to be by her side when she became Queen. She'd make him King, and under their leadership magic would flourish. It was a beautiful fantasy world she lived in. She sat up in bed, pulling the blanket to her chest. He sat up alongside her, deep in thought.

"No. My destiny is Arthur and Albion," he said firmly.

"To hell with destiny," she snarled, tugging his hair. She straddled him, running her hands across his chest. Electricity shocked him and he groaned. Her hands ran further down his body, and his eyes widened. He sat up hurriedly, pressing his weight onto her.

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

He visited her during the day once. She was outside, gathering ingredients for a potion to make him stay. He found her, and she noticed his eyes lacked the kind brightness they once had. Instead they were dark and a line ran across his brow.

"You turned Gwen into a deer?" he snarled.

Morgana smirked, "It was just a bit of fun."

"I understand you wanting the crown, but Gwen has done nothing to you. She could've died!" his hands were around her neck, threatening to choke her to death.

"She chose Arthur over me. Just like you have," she wheezed. Gwen, once her closest friend, had left her for Arthur. It was too much.

His grip loosened at her words and her genuinely hurt expression. She thought she could see his eyes return to their normal shade. His hands slid to her shoulders and she backed up against the tree. The bark rubbed against her dress, piercing her back as his hips moved against hers. His hands tore at the bodice of her dress, and she shivered.

You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

He left her in the forest. She had collected her clothing with as much dignity as she could. He didn't return for days and she plotted revenge. It was what she did best, after all. The potion was made. He'd be under her control for the rest of eternity.

No light, no light
No light

He was asleep when she slipped him the potion. Merlin tended to sleep with his mouth open, and she took advantage of this. Satisfied, she lay down next to him. In her dreams she saw a battle, with the old Merlin glaring at her behind his beard. No. It was all wrong. He was supposed to love her, now. She woke up, familiar words ringing in her head.

'He is your destiny, and he is your doom.'

Similarly, Merlin dreamed of Kilgarrah's warning, 'She is the darkness to your light. The hatred to your love.'

Tell me what you want me to say
But would you leave me,
If I told you what I've done

The potion had worked. For now, at least. Merlin kept up pretenses of being a trusted friend of Arthur's but he still spent his nights at Morgana's. He kissed her shoulder gently, caressing her sides. He spoke of plans to thwart the king and to overthrow Camelot with such conviction (yet still so Merlin) that Morgana wondered if it was the potion talking or him.

"I love you," he whispered.

She smiled and tried to fight back the tears. He would hate her and abandon her if he found out what she had done. That she'd forced him into loving her. She wished he'd love her so much that the potion wasn't necessary.

And would you leave me
If I told you what I've become
'Cause it's so easy,
To sing it to a crowd
But it's so hard, my love
To say it to you, all alone

The potion wore off. He found out. He was in a rage. They attacked each other with all their might. His lip was bleeding, clothes tattered. She clutched her arm, heaving.

He looked at her with disdain and hurt flashed across his face.

"You didn't need a potion to make me love you."

He left and the meaning of his words hit her like a ton of bricks. He loved her anyways. He couldn't admit his love, and neither could she. She slipped onto the dusty floor, looking around at the mess they made. What had become of her? What had become of them? Had she turned Merlin into this mad man?

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent

He didn't come back. Not the next day, nor the day after. Morgana supposed it was for the better. He would go back to being Merlin and helping the king, while she would go back to being the evil witch hell-bent on the capturing the throne. Sometimes, she forgot why she even wanted to rule Camelot.

The she remembered her father's (Goloris's) death. The lies Uther told her. The innocent people slaughtered due to the purge. Merlin's betrayal. The last one hardened her heart the most, and she decided not loving was better than loving and being hurt.

A revelation in the light of day,
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light
No light

He slipped into her hovel one night. He watched her sleep and stepped closer. He wiped the lone tear from his face and stroked her cheek with tender fingers. He had to kill her now before it was too late. She couldn't destroy Camelot. Merlin wanted to curse destiny and let her live, but her very being threatened Camelot's existence.

He placed his hand on her heart and closed his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to say the words.

She sat up suddenly, green eyes wide and frightened.

Tell me what you want me to say
You are the revelation
You are to get it right
But, it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You are the revelation
Some kind of resolution.

"Merlin," the moonlight illuminated her porcelain skin, tears flowing freely.

"I'm so sorry," he said, looking quite lost.

"Please, Merlin," she whispered.

He was taken back to when he had poisoned her, and his heart blanched. Was he really such a monster?

She got out of the bed and hugged him tightly. He hugged back, holding her to him as close as he could. He buried his head in her hair and she started to sob. Her hands reached for her dagger, and she left his grasp, holding it to his neck.

"This ends now, Merlin," she said in a deadly quiet voice.

His eyes glowed as she was knocked back onto the bed. He bent over her, hands around her neck as his eyes glowed a brighter gold. She fought to break free, but his magic was overpowering her. Her breath quickened, chest heaving. She reached to stop him, to apologise, but the words couldn't get through.

He moved his hands to her wrists. He lifted them over her head, binding them with magic. He kissed her roughly, straddling her. His rough trousers rubbed against the softness of her nightdress familiarly. She gasped, dagger still clutched in her hands. He plucked the dagger from her, running it along her gauzy nightdress lightly. He pierced it into the thin fabric, tearing it at the front.

"Merlin," she moaned airily. She dissolved the bindings with magic and touched his face. He kissed her again and she rolled on top of him. She grabbed the dagger and grinned.

She pushed him down, holding the dagger over him. She cut away at his clothing, leaving marks on his white chest.

"Now we're even," she decided, kissing his neck.

She was cuddled against him, head resting on his chest.

"We can't do this anymore," he said, rubbing her hand with his thumb, "It's just twisted."

Morgana remained silent and avoided his eyes.

You are the revelation.
You are the revelation
You are to get it right.

He didn't kill her while she slept. Instead he had stolen away in the middle of the night. His side of the bed (because this had been going on for so long, he had a side, now) was cold when she woke up. She gingerly touched her neck, knowing his fingerprints would be there. He had said that this would have to stop. No more secret meetings and trysts.

But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight.
You are the revelation
Some kind of revolution
Tell me what you want me to say

She knew he'd be back. He always was. It was only a matter of time before he'd walk through that door, ready to kill her. Instead, they'd make love and feel awful about themselves, cursing destiny and prophesies. Until then, she'd wait for him. He'd end up being her king, whether they were the royals of Camelot, or the royals of her lovely hovel.

She smiled as she saw a fresh bouquet of flowers, wrapped in his neckerchief. Oh yes. He'd be back.


This is quite possibly the most dark and twisted story I've ever written. Then again, it's Mergana, so what else could it be? I'd greatly appreciate your feed back. Thank you.