Chapter 1: Kiss With a Fist

EliEliEli. That was all he could think about. Eli at breakfast. Eli at lunch. Eli at dinner. Eli when he was trying to fall asleep. Eli in his dreams. Eli in his nightmares. The way Eli walked. The way Eli's voice floated out of his lips and made even biology term sound like Fitz's favorite sort of music. The way Eli's laugh filled his ears and drowned every other sound out. The way that just seeing him once made Fitz's day. Made Fitz smile. Made him want. He was infatuated. With Eli. The boy who hated him. Got him arrested. Made him puke. The boy who finally scared Fitz. The boy who put him on guard. Waiting and watching. EliEliEli. Not just waiting for the next attack but thinking. Why does Eli do the things he does? Why so much black? Why a hearse? And most importantly, why Clare? Fitz wanted to ask. Wanted to learn. Wanted to know. Fitz didn't just want to know, he wanted to experience. Wanted to touch Eli's hands. His face. His shoulder blades. Wanted to know about Eli. Eli had become his obsession.

Everything Fitz did was effected by Eli. Going to the Dot. What if Eli's there? Walking down this hall. What if Eli's there? In the cafeteria, looking for Eli. Everywhere. Not just to keep up with their game. But because Fitz needed to feed his hunger. He needed to see Eli. Needed to see the way Eli sneered and smirked and half-smiled. Plus he kind of needed to avoid Eli. He knew Eli knew his secret. Sure that sooner of later he would figure out the stares and see the thoughts rushing through Fitz's mind. Sure he would tell Adam. Who would tell Clare. Who would tell Ali. Who would tell the whole school. Who would torment him. Whose words wouldn't hurt as much as Eli's rejection. Eli telling him off. Eli saying he wasn't like that. Eli. Eli. Eli.

Soon Fitz realized he had to do something. He couldn't keep watching from afar. He couldn't walk by Eli again and feel his hands shaking to reach out and touch Eli's hands. He couldn't take anymore. So he acted. He was so frustrated. He couldn't understand his own feelings. All he knew was that he wanted to be with Eli. Touch his cheeks. Run a hand through his hair. That day he cracked. He saw Eli with Adam and Clare. He had to act. Had to do something. So he called Eli's name. Relishing the way it rolled off his tongue. And when Eli turned, Fitz punched him.

Looking back, it was one of the stupidest things Fitz had ever done. And that was saying something considering Fitz had done many many stupid things in his life. But when he pulled away he felt the places where his knuckles touched Eli's skin tingle. Then he felt Eli punch him back. Hard.