This was co-written by Akane Arihyoshi and Razori-chan. It was written by Akane, and thought-up by Razori.
Authors: Akane Arihyoshi and Razori-chan.
WARNING: I want to warn every single one of you right now. This is a Xemnas/Demyx implied relationship fic. This isn't very serious, it's almost pure crack, but there will be instances where Xemnas and Demyx are in very compromising positions. Of course, Demyx being Demyx, only Xemnas will get the perverseness of the situation, so it's kind of innocent. There won't be any serious intentional kissing (unless they're drunk or something that discredits the choice being made freely), or fluff, or anything of the sort, so if you're a fan of Demyx/Someone Else, it's still pretty safe to read.
Author's Note: Razori and I...were pretty much on a sugar high when she thought this one up. We were watching Law and Order SVU, and somehow the topic of Xemnas/Demyx came up, and she started fleshing out the plot for a story. It was very fun to think up compromising positions for them to be in, but...the whole plot started with a cross-dressing Demyx...who will hopefully come into the next chapter. I almost feel bad to be writing something that isn't Zemyx (even is Xemyx is still pronounced the same), but Razori insists that this pairing is adorable. Ah well. I like to write and so I gave in. But make sure to check out her other stories.
KAY SO THIS IS LIKE...SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT SO PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE: The first part in Zexion speaking, and then the rest of the story is told in third-person, except for when Zexion comes into the story, since he's the one telling it. When the story says "I" in something that isn't dialogue, think Zexion.
That was the day I resigned.
I couldn't take it anymore. When you constantly walk in on your boss and his personal secretary in compromising positions during work hours, you start to go a little insane. But when they start to pop up in your other jobs too, almost like they're stalking you, insane stops being a word and starts being a way of life. After they showed up at two of my other part-time jobs, and I saw them at work over twenty times at least (no, I'm not kidding. They're disgusting), I, Zexion Ishida, decided that if this went on, I would have no choice but to kill myself. Being a general pacifist, this was hardly an appealing concept, so I resigned.
Not to mention that their damn personal security guard took pictures. And constantly left them around my workplace. Damn you, Xigbar. Damn you.
Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. You readers, being generally sane people, probably have no idea what I'm talking about. If you did, you'd hardly be alive to be reading this. Or, if you were still alive, your eyes would still have been too far gone and beyond repair.
Let's start at the beginning, shall we?
It all began with a cross-dressing secretary, on the day I started my part-time job at the cardiology research center. Of course, the cross-dresser was very feminine. I couldn't tell the difference. So my first impression of my new boss was that he was a major pervert.
The following is the account of everything that happened during the course of my job, the whole truth, as I later learned it to be. By no means did I know everything at the time it was happening. In fact, it was explained to me about two days ago. I digress.
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It was so... big.
He worked in THAT building?
Demyx stopped someone going into the building in front of him. "Sir, is this building the Cardiac Research Center?"
"No, son. It's that one over there."
Demyx turned around to observe the building behind him that the man had pointed to. He blinked. That thing was so damn tiny he wasn't sure if his desk could even fit in it.
Okay, so it was average sized, but compared to the buildings around it looked like a pebble next to a boulder.
"T-Thank you, sir," Demyx stammered, before walking into the specified building.
He was immediately assaulted by a pirate.
Upon closer inspection, he realized that it was just a man with long hair and an eye patch. But he looked like a pirate at first glance. Totally justifiable mistake. Most importantly, he was still being assaulted by the not-pirate, which was NOT okay.
Okay, so the not-pirate had removed himself from Demyx's body. That was good. But he had drawn a very large and painful looking gun and pointed it at Demyx's head. That was not so good. Demyx stammered uncontrollably. In his mind, he was telling the man to back away and put that lethal-looking object back in his pouch, but that wasn't what the man heard. The pirate lifted the one showing eye brow in an attempt to look confused. It didn't work, instead he looked rather surprised, but the intent was clear.
"I-I'm the n-new secretary...!" Demyx managed, holding his hands far above his head. The man laughed.
"Shoot, you thought this was a gun?" he asked happily, pointing the pointy object at Demyx's heart. Demyx gulped audibly.
"Y-Yes!" he cried, shaking. The not-pirate threw his head back in laughter. He pulled the trigger, and Demyx braced himself for the impact, but opened an eye when nothing happened.
The other man was smiling. "It's a video camera," he said coolly, pointing it at Demyx's head. "Say hi."
Demyx waved a bit. "Good boy. This won't hurt you. By the way, I'm Xigbar. Call me Xiggy and I'll eat your soul. I'm the security guard at this place. Not that anyone's stupid enough to try anything here."
"Heya Xiggy. I'm Demyx."
Xigbar stared at Demyx for a second. Then he grinned. "I like you already, kid. You're the first one to not listen to me in a long time. I guess I'd better introduce you to your boss, huh? His name is Xemnas. You don't need to know his last name, because I never cared enough to ask and so I can't tell you."
Demyx nodded. "Fair enough."
"He's somewhere around here," Xigbar stated obviously, looking around the smallish building with his one eye carefully narrowed. "Aha. That's him, right there," he said, pointing. "Hey boss! C'mere. Fresh blood," he grinned, pointing to Demyx.
A man with long silver hair turned to look at Xigbar. His eyes shifted to Demyx. "Who's he, Xigbar?" he asked, bored. "Not another one of your drunken pals come to see you again, is it?"
"No, sir. This one's pretty damn sober, if I do say so myself. And he actually works for you. Funny thing, actually, he's your secretary."
Xemnas looked surprised. "He is?" he asked, intrigued, looking Demyx over.
"Mm-hmm. Yep. Ever since Saix went berserk and quit, you've been looking for one, right? So I hired one for you. Happy birthday."
Xemnas went visibly pale at the sound of Saïx's name. "I told you to never speak of him again," he hissed, making it sound like one very drawn out word in his haste. He glowered for a second at Xigbar, and then suddenly his expression became confused. "Xigbar?"
"Yeah?"
"…My birthday was three months ago."
Xigbar sighed. "So this is a little bit belated. Bite me."
Xemnas shook his head. "Xigbar, why do I keep you around?"
Xigbar had to think for a second about that one. "To…protect you from terrorists that don't exist?" he suggested. Xemnas pondered this.
"That's a good answer. You can keep your job."
Xigbar grinned. "Radical," he said cheerfully. "Well Xemnas, sorry I can't stay, but I gotta go watch the cameras. Those damn terrorists work round-the-clock, you know."
"Of course they do. Back to work."
"Yessir. Play nice, you two."
Xigbar walked off, and Demyx was left feeling abandoned in the face of danger. He shyly looked up at his new boss. Xemnas smiled, but it was a strange one, as if the muscles in his face had forgotten long ago how to smile innocently without looking like an axe-murderer. This, although meant to comfort Demyx, did not help his nerves in the slightest. "So you're the new secretary," Xemnas stated.
"Y-Yes sir," Demyx stammered.
"Your name?"
"D-Demyx, sir."
Xemnas examined Demyx's face thoughtfully. "Cheer up. You'll do. It's time to show you to your work-place."
Demyx only realized that Xemnas was walking away when the man had gotten ten feet away. He ran to catch up. Passing a few people that Demyx didn't recognize, they headed for a door to the side. Xemnas opened it. "This is your desk, my room is through that door over there," said Xemnas, pointing, before slamming the door shut. "Now let's go meet your colleagues!"
Xemnas strode over to another door and opened it. Inside a blonde male was working diligently, pouring a precise amount of liquid into a smoking beaker. Or it would have been precise, if he had been left alone. "Vexen!"
There was a small explosion as the man, Dr. Vexen Carr, dumped a lot more liquid than he was supposed to into the beaker. Once the smoke cleared, Vexen emerged, singed eyebrows coming together in sheer fury.
"YOU RUINED MY EXPERIMENT!" he screeched, fist waving through the air.
Xemnas took a step back. "Yes, well, Demyx, this is Vexen. And-now-its-time-to-go-bye-Vexen!" he said, dragging Demyx out of the room before bodily harm could befall his new employee.
Opening another door, Xemnas escaped through it, stopping short at the sight of a red-headed male and his blonde friend quite preoccupied. "Ah, well, I…" Xemnas stuttered, blushing. The red-head looked up.
"Ah! Hello Xemnas! Roxas and I are testing the effects of the game Twister on the heart-rate," he said casually. The other man, Roxas, nodded. They were currently deeply involved in a heated game of Twister, with Axel winning and Roxas rather off-balanced. Another blonde male looked up from his position in the corner, where he was holding the spinner.
"Luxord, why aren't you working?" Xemnas asked irritably. Luxord shrugged.
"Technically, I am working. I'm helping Axel and Roxas here, right boys?"
Axel and Roxas nodded, this movement causing Roxas to fall over, which in turn made Axel fall on top of him. "Oww…"
Xemnas grabbed a tissue and held it against his bleeding nose.
Axel frowned. "I'm so sorry, Roxy," he whined, planting a small kiss on Roxas's nose. Roxas blushed furiously, but reached up and locked his lips onto Axel's. Xemnas's nose erupted with blood.
"YOU TWO STOP THAT AND GET BACK TO WORK!" he yelled around the overflow of blood.
They weren't listening. Luxord was looking a bit sheepish, and Xigbar had suddenly appeared in the room, pointing his video camera at the pair and taping the whole thing.
Demyx sighed. High school was supposed to be over, damn it.
A/N: So what do you guys think? This will be continued.
Review. Just hit the little purple button and tell us what you think of this utter crack.
-Akane (And Razori most likely has the same feelings about the reviewing, but Akane is writing this.)
