In my daughter's eyes,
I am a hero.I am strong an' wise,
And I know no the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be,
in my daughter's eyes. ~ Martine Mcbride.
It wasn't the knock at the door that surprised her. That, she figured, came with the job. When she had signed on to coach Vocal Adrenaline, she hadn't counted on the fact that the job followed her home. She wasn't just a vocal coach or choreographer to those kids. Often times she was a motivator, a cheerleader, even a dictator if the situation called for it. She was a problem solver and an advice-giver. Sometimes she felt like a surrogate mother to those kids.
But, of course, she wasn't. Motherhood had clearly never been her forte. After all, she had given up her child with barely a backward glance and even when she had been granted a second chance, the painful reality hit hard. Her little girl was gone, replaced with a young adult with big dreams of stardom, just as she had once had. Nevertheless, she had done her best to be there for her kids, even if it meant helping with problems beyond school or show choir. Her small apartment had become a haven for her students, a place a celebration or, on rare occasions, a somewhere to turn when they had no other place to go.
So, no. It wasn't the knock at the door that surprised her, but who was behind it.
Grasping the doorknob, Shelby opened the door to see Rachel Berry staring down at the pavement. She glanced up as the door creaked open, offering a small hesitant smile. "Hi."
Stunned, Shelby could only return the greeting. "Hi."
Rachel's eyes found her feet again, before hesitantly asking, "Can I come in for a minute?"
"Oh! Of…of course," Shelby watched as Rachel moved past her into the house. Shutting the door, she moved to take a seat across from her on the couch. "What can I do for you?"
She shrugged. "I guess I just came to say "congratulations". Her voice was quiet. "As much as I hate to admit it, your club's performance was incredible."
"Well, thank you for that, Rachel." Shelby folded her hands in her lap. "We worked hard, as I'm sure you did." Pausing, she added, "And don't think that you weren't good. You were. Quite good, in fact." As smile touched her lips. "Even if I had no right to be, I was proud of you.'
The girl lifted her head then, meeting her smile. "You were?"
Shelby nodded. "Of course I was. Rachel, you were in your glory on that stage. You went out there and sang your heart out." Reaching over, hr pushed a strand of dark hair out of her eyes. "You reminded me so much of myself."
Rachel was quiet, then asked. "Do you ever regret it?"
"Not making it as an actress? Sometimes. There are days when I think back to what I could have been, what I could have had and-"
"No." Rachel met her eyes. "Not giving up theatre. Giving up me."
Shelby felt her eyes slide close, but spoke the answer truthfully. "No."
Rachel nodded slowly. "I thought so."
"Rachel, listen to me!" Sighing, Shelby moved to take a seat next to the daughter she had given up. "I could never have taken care of you. They could give you so much more than I ever could."
Her gaze flashed. "Except my mother."
"Rachel, I thought we had already done this. I'm your mother. Not your mom." Shelby wrapped a tentative arm around the younger girl. "Yes, I gave you up. Yes, I was paid to be a surrogate. But I still care."
She shook her head. "How can you? "
"Because like it or not, we're a part of each other. Maybe we can't be in each others lives like we'd like too, but that doesn't mean we can't keep in touch." A cry sounded from the other room, interrupting the conversation. Shelby rose. "Excuse me for a moment."
She returned a few moments later, cradling a baby lovingly in her arms. The moment she saw Rachel's face, her heart sank. She knew before Rachel even spoke the words.
"Quinn's baby? You adopted Quinn's baby?"
"Shh. You'll wake her." Returning to her seat, Shelby rocked the baby girl gently in her arms. "Isn't she precious."
Hurt colored Rachel's face. "I see. You want a baby. Not a teenager."
"I wanted a second chance."
'We could have had that second chance. You and me."
Shelby shook her head. "We couldn't, Rachel. It's been too long. There's too much in the way. Do your dads even know you've contacted me?" Rachel turned away and Shelby knew the answer. "That's what I mean. I've already screwed up my chance to know you like I can know her. She needs me. You don't. plain and simple. It might not be the same, but it works."
Rachel was silent for a long time. "So is that it, then?"
Shelby nodded. "For now, it has to be. Live your life, Rachel. Chase your dreams. Do what I never could." She smiled. "Make me proud."
'What about after?"
Shelby shrugged. "Who knows? I'm not saying we'll never be close, Rachel. It just can't happen right now. For now, let's just be grateful to know one another."
"But someday…maybe?"
Shelby nodded. "Maybe…someday." Glancing at Rachel, she asked, "Would you like to hold her?"
"Me?" the girl suddenly seemed frightened. "I..I don't know. Children, while adorable, have never been my forte. I'm much more of a doll person."
Her mother's smile was wry. "Like they're mine? I'm just doing the best I can. Come on," she scooted closer and placed the baby in Rachel's arms. "Just hold her gently…there. Just like that."
The poor girl was as stiff as a bored. "What if I drop her?"
Shelby chuckled. "You won't. Just relax."
She did, smiling as the baby gurgled happily. "I think she likes me."
"Sure she does. Why wouldn't she love her godmother?"
Rachel looked up in surprise. "Me? You want me to be her godmother?"
The older woman shrugged. "Why not? That is, if you want to. I just figured that, between the two of us, she can realize her star potential too."
"Oh, she already has it." Rachel remarked, bouncing the baby softly. "I'm going to make her a gold star to put on her door."
Shelby smiled. "It is kind of our thing."
Rachel smiled, then turned her gaze back to the baby she held in her arms. Watching the scene before her, Shelby felt her heart swell a little. She had made mistakes. Many of them. She had missed the chance to know her firstborn, but she had her second chance. Watching the two of them together gave her a new hope.
She may have failed with Rachel Barbara Berry, but Beth Rachel Cochran would be different. Her two girls, so very different, had both given her a new chance.
And one day, she would be a hero in her daughter's eyes.
Both of them.
