Redemption: The Donovan Dynasty

Prologue

Seeking to forget makes exile all the longer;

the secret of redemption lies in remembrance.

-Richard von Weizaecker

July/1993

The turbulence of the plane jostled Kimberly awake as she flew over the Atlantic in the middle of the night. It had been six hours since they left JFK airport from their connecting flight out of Salem. She still clutched Marlena's hand from earlier and it was clear that Marlena was sound asleep as evidenced by her relaxed grip on Kim's hand. Kim turned her head and looked lovingly at her. Marlena had been such a wealth of support for nearly a year even while her own life bordered on the brink of chaos as a result of her secret affair with John and the resulting pregnancy. This trip to London was a sanctuary for Marlena and a reunion for Kim. Because of her illness and trial, it had been seven months since Kim had seen her children, Andrew and Jeannie. However, that was all behind her now as Kim prepared to visit them before taking them home with her. Unfortunately, Kimberly wasn't entirely certain where 'home' was anymore.

As she looked back towards the blackness outside her window, Kim thought of Salem and how it had been home for much of her life. Her parents' living room and the home she once shared with Shane had been places of refuge and rejuvenation for her. The sights and sounds of Salem even at their worst were inviting to her soul. But not anymore! Now, the overwhelming feeling Kim had when she thought of Salem was loss. The past three years had been spent wading through waves of pain, grief and dishonesty from all directions. Cal's lies, Shane's 'death,' their divorce and its aftermath because of the lies, the unspeakable pain of her sister's betrayal, all culminated with her hit and run accident exactly a year ago!

Among the most disconcerting revelations were the events that transpired shortly after Roger Lombard ran over her with his car. Kim had been living a lie for at least a year, maybe more. Lacey and Claire had scared Kim more than anything else in her life because the distrust came from within. The two personalities represented alternate states that protected Kim as a young child from the trauma of the sexual molestation. Until recently, she had been completely unaware of their existence and their re-emergence terrified her. It scared Kim that the other personas could say and do things without her knowledge and, in a strange way, left Kim with a sense of being violated all over again. In the beginning Marlena had instructed Kim that she would come to accept them, which was necessary for her healing. By now, Kim accepted their existence and understood their role. She breathed a sigh of relief that they had not returned but continued the process of facing and emotionally re-experiencing the abuse she suffered and ultimately survived at the hands of Uncle Eric. The therapeutic process was the most painful experience of her life and she knew it was critical for her healing. Kim woke each morning, grateful that she could account for and remember every minute of her day. Both Marlena and her trauma specialists reassured Kim that as she continued through her therapy, she would feel more and more confident that Lacey and Claire were no longer distinct personalities; rather, their protective purpose would be integrated into the person that Kimberly would become as she triumphed over her traumatic history.

Unfortunately, Kim wasn't there yet. In fact, far from it, because she felt mostly detached from the world and its' people. Kim now saw relationships through a different prism after dealing with the ugliness of her past coming forward. She questioned each relationship wondering if it was really she that knew the person.Thus far, her family had been more supportive than Kim imagined; her brothers did not cut her any slack when Kim wanted to slide the whole ordeal under the rug and refrain from acknowledging what had happened in their presence. Roman, especially, impressed Kim given that he had suffered the most at the hands of Claire. He still loved and accepted her and had been encouraging ever since the shooting. Yes, there was a newfound openness within the Brady home regarding this subject, at least to the degree that it was acknowledged and being dealt with instead of a hurried apology and quick brush under the rug. However, the aftermath of Kim's trial for the murder of Randy Houston had only begun to scratch the surface for the family in terms of the long-term effects of their mishandling of Uncle Eric.

This detachment or awkwardness with people had leaked into all facets of Kimberly's life and personal relationships, most notably, her relationship with Phillip. Since the shooting, they had not been intimate. Kimberly had grown uncomfortable of sex in light of the largely traumatic associations she had with it. On the surface, Phillip had been so understanding and compassionate for Kim's plight and Kim felt that he deserved to have his fiancé in every conceivable way. But three times a week, Kim was engrossed in therapy sessions draining her of any impulse whatsoever and frankly, it had become very clear to Kim, that her time with Phillip was mostly on Lacey's time and not her own. The Kim that Phillip was accustomed to in the bedroom wasn't Kim and the mere thought of intimacy with him despite Phillip's reassurances, terrified her. Kim had difficulty expressing this to Phillip and insecurity began to take hold at her ability to ever be intimate with any man ever again.

Thus, Kim remained in a cocoon of sorts being nurtured by her family and fiancé and yet, she still hadn't taken the steps towards truly living again. Leaving Salem was, for the first time not an act of running away from home as it had been in the past but running towards something else. Kim just wasn't sure to what or where she was running? All Kim knew is that she could take that first step in this transition as long as she could have her children back. Becoming a mother had been her one true goal in life. And the past seven months of her life had been robbed of them. Being a trained professional, she knew the effects of parental separation on children Andrew and Jeannie's age, so her maternal instinct was in overdrive. Kim was excited to see them but had an almost crippling anxiety about how Shane would respond to her taking them back to LA with her. He had been raising them since her behavior had reached a critical point back in November, and while Kim knew with all her being that she was ready, she still felt like she was about to enter into an audition for a role that she should never have to test for in the first place.

At some point, Kim dozed back off and did not stir until the pilot of the aircraft announced the descent into Heathrow Airport. Kimberly looked out upon the old city to see the early morning fog lifting and allowing the sun to peer through. A new chapter in her life was about to begin…