Every time you walk out the door, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. Protecting this fleet is a dangerous job, and we've lost so many. I wonder when I'll lose you. That is why I hold on too tight, try to keep you safe in my arms, why I'm hesitant to let go, let you walk out that door and into the unknown.
Every time you walk in the door and we shed our professional responsibilities, I'm filled with joy, with a love for you that is impractical and unwise. Every time you walk out the door, I'm filled with fear, with a despair that tells me, against all odds, I will outlive you.
If I could keep you safe with me, I would, but I cannot be that selfish. As much as I need you, the fleet needs you more. You are one more sacrifice I'll make to the position I occupy, but never sought.
Losing you may be the end of me, but my end already hovers near. I fear what will become of this fleet when we're gone.
