The thing is…sometimes, life doesn't go the way you think it should. What's 'normal' doesn't seem to apply to you, although you wished to God it did. But you can't change the unchangeable. You can only live with what you have, and try to make the best of things, and you'll end up a better person because of it.
Or so they say.
Whatever.
Good things only ever happen to bad people, and the good stuff, the great stuff, will never happen to me…
Openly, I always scoff at that kind of thing, all that mushy 'be positive' crap. I put on a cocky front, to make people think I don't care. And I even laugh at myself, for trying to make me believe I don't care….
But you know what? Sometimes, when I'm on my own and in a good state of mind, in a small, tiny little space I have buried within the depths of my heart, I allow myself to believe it. I want to believe that everything will be ok in the end, that my parents will accept me, that I'll have hundreds of friends who don't think I'm weird and who only want friendship from me and nothing more, nothing less… That one day I'll stumble across that one amazing girl meant for me, and she'll love me for me, and not think I'm some kind of freak of nature, or boring, or anything like that. We'll go through all kinds of trials together, become best friends, then closer than friends, then more than I could ever hope…
We'll get married, have kids! And I would do things so very differently to how my parents did things with me… I could be really happy….
For a moment, I can feel the tightness around my heart lessen a little. And I remember back to words I once heard spoken…
"Everyone's gotta have faith…"
Faith in the world. Faith in my friends. Faith in myself, and my own capabilities…is that what those words meant?
I wish I could believe in those things…
