Author's Note: All dialogue except for the last sentence, an AU Kingdom Hearts with Saïx and an unknown therapist sort of person. Rated for a bit of non-graphic violence and themes that could be disturbing to some people.

I really just needed something to get out how I feel. I'm not in therapy, because my parents are cheap. While I personally think I need it (it would stop me from self-diagnosing, for one thing), writing is the closest I can get. I chose Saïx because he's probably the closest to me, personality-wise. Everything I've written is more or less true, with the exception of the relationship part (while I am in one, my boyfriend is not detached, which leads to problems sometimes... and probably will lead to more when he reads this).

Note: I'm not saying I'm never happy/sad/nervous/in love/whatever. But there are a lot of times when I'm like this, and quite frankly, it scares the crap out of me later on.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saïx or Kingdom Hearts.


"How do you feel, Saïx?"

"I don't."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said I don't feel. Really, it's not that hard to understand."

"…Well, then, how are you doing?"

"Fine. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Oh, yes! Life is something to be happy about, don't you think?"

"In a sense, I suppose."

"Now, about your feelings –"

"My lack of feelings, rather."

"…Er, yes. You were angry last week. Isn't anger a feeling?"

"Perhaps. It is… hard to control."

"But?"

"That's all there is to it. I see red, get that adrenaline rush, and as soon as it's over I no longer care."

"You don't harbor any ill feelings towards whoever you were angry with?"

"I suppose I might, at times. But only with those I am angry with at numerous times and occasions."

"I see."

"Do you?"

"Pardon me?"

"To you, the human heart and mind are complex. You feel love, hate; you are nervous or you are content. To me, though my mind is intact, my physical heart still beating, it is not complicated. I am rarely in a state of excitement. I live, work, eat, and breathe, but only out of necessity."

"What about anger?"

"It is the only thing that breaches the calm. A splash of red on gray, really."

"Don't you have friends? I heard you were seeing someone."

"I have companions. They all work with me. The relationship I have is mostly physical; we both feel this… detachment, though mine is less severe, due to the anger you keep coming back to."

"That can't be healthy, though!"

"Not for you, or for most others. But for me? You forget; I'm not like you."

"But – "

"No. I am understood there; far better than you could ever understand me. I'll be going now."

"We haven't finished!"

"I think you'll find that we have."

"I can't let you – "

There is a gasping noise and then a thud, and Saïx walks out of the room, idly wiping something off his pants.