It was a slow day at the Krusty Krab.
"Arrg, it's a slow day Mr. Squidward. You know, I've been thinking, I feel bad for all the poor people of this city, unable to give me money" said Mr. Krabs
"Yeah, like me," said Squidward sighing.
"What's that Mr. Squidward?" asked Mr. Krabs.
"Nothing, nothing. I was just observing a beautiful coral tree outside" said Squidward.
"Oh, really? Where is it?" asked Mr. Krabs looking out the window. Squidward pointed his tentacles in random directions.
"Oh, um, it's there alright. No wait, it's here. No, it's there" said Squidward, trying to confuse Mr. Krabs.
"This is getting ridiculous. I don't see the tree Mr. Squidward" said Mr. Krabs.
"The tree is everywhere! This glass of root beer could be the tree, so could that van outside" said Squidward.
"What the halibut? What's with this phantom tree?" asked Mr. Krabs
"Well, err, it's kind of-ubiquitous?" suggested Squidward.
"You're fired, Mr. Squidward" said Mr. Krabs.
"Really?" asked Squidward, looking joyous for only the second time in his life since he performed a music show at the Bubble Bowl.
"Hm, let me think this over. Based on your expression, no. You're most certainly not fired" said Mr. Krabs.
"What a relief," said Squidward sarcastically. "Heh, relief. I crack myself up"
"Squidward, as I was saying, I actually do feel kinda bad for poor people. They don't have money to give me" said Mr. Krabs
"The beginning of a breakthrough I hope" mumbled Squidward.
"I wish I could give poor people money, but then I'd have to be giving them money so they could give me money, and that would be selfish" said Mr. Krabs.
"Uh-huh. You're a genius Mr. Krabs. A genius" said Squidward sarcastically.
"Wait-look outside. Do you see it Mr. Squidward?" asked Mr. Krabs
"What is it?" asked Squidward.
"It's a sight. The kind of sight filled sight. The kind of sight that is really quite-a sight!" said Mr. Krabs dramatically.
"Okay okay what is it?" asked Squidward. Mr. Krabs looked horrified.
"It's Pike Sole Fishetti, only the most famous TV restaurant critic in Bikini Bottom. Well, he's not entirely a critic, pretty much likes every place he goes to, but likes some areas less than others" explained Mr. Krabs.
"Oh, THAT guy? He gave the Chum Bucket a five star review, and he wasn't even threatened or paid off. You're really worried about him?" asked Squidward. "He could get a new haircut I suppose" said Mr. Krabs.
"True, but why are you worried about that?" asked Squidward.
"Mr. Squidward, I'm worried about us!" said Mr. Krabs, grabbing a hold of Squidward and shaking him.
"Pike Sole Fishetti isn't gonna send us to be turned into seafood Mr. Krabs. Ocean dwellers never betray their own kind" said Squidward.
"That's not it, ye barnacle brain," said Mr. Krabs.
"Well then what is it?" asked Squidward.
"I wanna be in the top five restaurants. I don't want any of this 'honerable mentions' stuff you see on TV. I wanna be numero uno. Number one" said Mr. Krabs.
"Mr. Krabs we can't be the number one food stop in Bikini Bottom if you keep charging people for using the restrooms" replied Squidward.
"I thought all restaurants did that" said Mr. Krabs
"News flash, you're a weirdo Mr. Krabs" said Squidward. Mr. Krabs began pacing and twitching sporadically and nervously time to time. He was acting very strange.
"We need something to be known for. Something good. We need to be known for something good, a value, a belief!" said Mr. Krabs.
"We could try touching this place up a bit" suggested Squidward.
Later...
"Well, way to go Squidward, everything is in your likeness. I think I'm gonna throw up" said Mr. Krabs.
"But Mr. Krabs those life size statues of myself were hard to make, I had to follow the rules of art and everything" said Squidward.
"Squiddy, you really don't know much about anything do you?" said Mr. Krabs.
A few days later...
Patrick walked into the Krusty Krab.
"Good morning, Krusty Krew" said Patrick.
"Okay, so Patrick says that every single time he opens the doors. Is he so dumb that's the only sentence he can complete?" asked Squidward.
"Hey, there are LOTS of sentences I can compete with" said Patrick proudly.
"Ohhh, boy" said Squidward.
"Patrick can go home" said Mr. Krabs harshly. Spongebob came into the room.
"Baa-laa-laa. Good morning, Krusty Krew" said Spongebob.
"Oh no. He said it. The little woodchuck actually said it" said Squidward.
"Good morning Krusty Krew, everyone's the Krusty Krew, that's it, by jove I've got it" announced Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs put up a huge sign outside that read "Good Morning Krusty Crew. You're all part of the crew"
Not much else followed that. No one really reacted to it. Mr. Krabs just stood there with a stupid grin plastered on his face.
The next day...
"Say, Patrick, can you think of anything that might help the reputation of the Krusty Krab when that big TV food guy shows up?" asked Spongebob.
"Krusty Krab, hahuh, that sounds funny" said Patrick. He continued, "What channel is that on?"
"No, I mean the restaurant that I work at. The Krusty Krab" said Spongebob.
"You work at a restaurant? You must get a lot of rest then" said Patrick.
"No, Patrick, listen. I was wondering if I gave you a set of blocks with letters on them if you could arrange them into words" said Spongebob.
"Words? Someone told me to eat my words once. I tried, but it was hard" said Patrick.
"Pat, words aren't for eating, unless someone's full of baloney, in which case I suppose in theory you could eat those words, and they might taste good" said SpongeBob.
"Yeah, remember when I ate baloney on Leif Erickson Day? Yinga hinga dinger" said Patrick.
"Pat, put these blocks together. Make some words. You might be able to get us on the top five list so Krabs won't have a breakdown" said Spongebob.
"Durr, nuh-huh? Okay" said Patrick, putting a block with a letter on it in his mouth.
"No, Pat, put the blocks together. Make words" said Spongebob.
"Hahuh, words" said Patrick. Patrick very slowly attempted to put the blocks atop each other, then slowly read it.
"Be...nice" said Patrick.
"That's it?" asked Spongebob.
"Uh...uhhh...yeah" said Patrick.
"Okay, I'll go show Krabs" said Spongebob.
"Arg, be nice eh? It's too simple. We need something complex. Something big. I've already hired several construction companies to fix this place up" said Mr. Krabs.
"Why is the whole restaurant covered in slime?" asked Spongebob.
"That...that isn't slime, it's just...liquid money" said Mr. Krabs.
"Afraid it's slime Mr. K, slime and grime in the primetime. Sounds good, but probly isn't really very good" said Spongebob.
"True. Well, the big food TV guy is showing up" said Mr. Krabs
"Don't sweat it old man. Everything's gonna work out" said Spongebob.
"I sure hope so," said Old Man Jenkins in the background.
"Who said that?" asked Spongebob.
"Old Man Jenkins," replied Mr. Krabs
Later...
Pike Fishetti walked in. He wore a cowboy hat and sported two mustaches. Yes, two. The camera men followed. Pike and Mr Krabs went to the kitchen.
"So this is how you make your patties eh?" asked Pike.
"Sure is," said Mr. Krabs. "What differentiates us from the big boys is that we use only the finest patty things to make our patties with"
"I'm gonna sample a crabby patty" said Pike.
"Go ahead. Say, why does your name start with a P?" asked Mr. Krabs.
"Cuz I tour the ocean tasting perfection, and that's what I'm tasting right now" said Pike.
"Good. You're not Plankton are you?" asked Mr. Krabs.
"No, who's Plankton?" asked Pike.
"Uhh, an enem-close friend. Swell guy" said Mr. Krabs.
"Wow, this was so good. You guys are number one on the best food place list" said Pike.
"You're kidding, why? Is it because we pride ourselves on organic grease?" asked Mr. Krabs
"The burger was delicious but that isn't the main thing. I love that sign. Be nice!" said Pike.
Later...
Mr. Krabs just turned off the TV.
"Yes, we did it SpongeBob. We made it to number one. And it's all because of Patrick" said Mr. Krabs.
"Mr. Krabs, phone call for ya. I think it's Patrick" said SpongeBob.
"Yes, hello? Patrick listen I'd like to thank you!" said Mr. Krabs. Patrick started saying strange things and sounded like he was reading from a card.
"Yes? Mr. Krabs? I am going to umm...uhhh...I am going to...sue...you" said Patrick.
"Spongebob? Your best friend is a screwball. Why is he such a screwball me boy?" asked Mr. Krabs
"I don't know. He just kind of is" said Spongebob. Patrick continued talking on the phone:
"I am going to launch a...uhhh...frivelous law...suit! Darn, where am I gonna get a tuxedo?" said Patrick.
"Oh come now Patrick you can't be that stupid! Sue the Krusty Krab or I'll take away your teddy bear" yelled Plankton.
The End
Mrs Puff Loses it:
