A/N: Crap summary, I know. So, I wanted to write a Shaun/Des fic, :'D so I did. This is most definitely an AU because things are so out of timeline and stuff, but I want it to be like that! Plus there's the few things I added in which will make it an AU. So definitely an AU! But it's not drastic. This is in Desmond's POV, and he is under the influence of the bleeding effect, so everything his saying wouldn't be accurate now would it? Because we've all heard Subject 16 speak in ACBrotherhood, and God knows what he was on about. Ha

Rating: T, for now I think.

Disclaimer: Assassins Creed? Not mine.

Subject Bleeding

You know... It was only a couple of days ago when I realised. All of this wasn't my fault.

It was finally nice to say those words, and actually mean them. Though my doubts were still there, you know, because it still felt like I was still lying to myself. But wasn't I? Sometimes I couldn't realise whether I was still in the Animus or not. I would wake up, sweating. My pillow drenched in my own tears, it was miserable every morning (or night), not to mention alarming. There were times where I would find myself, gliding off buildings effortlessly; only to realise that I was Desmond Miles, and not Ezio Auditore. Desynchronizing was not an option, death was, but they were only dreams. I think.

I would tell myself over and over... And yet it wasn't enough. It never was.

I took up the Assassin name, willingly this time. After all we've been through, Lucy, Rebecca and Shaun, I mean-

Though Lucy is gone now.

-I should though shouldn't I? I mean, now that I know this stuff is real. How could I possibly say no?

When I was sixteen (what a number), I ran away from The Farm. It was where I stayed - me and my parents stayed - living off grid. The place where they kept all of us, we were outside of society, because they knew if the Templars ever found us... But then, I never cared about that then did I? Because nothing ever happened. But I couldn't comprehend the seriousness of the situation. I just wanted to get out, and run. And I did just that, how stupid was I? And found my way to New York City, the rotten apple... Where I became a bartender.

How fun.

And now I'm here, back with the Assassins, where I belong.

Altair seems to think so, "Don't you?" He isn't exactly the friendly type, but he nods at me time to time and then looks away again, back to that window. At least that's what I see, but you probably wouldn't. Yes, I do know this is wrong; Altair died aeons ago, don't need to tell me twice. But I'm not going to let this down my uh, mood; because he's usually not like this. Most days he'll either threaten me in my sleep or in my wakefulness, or others days I'd actually become Altair.

I hated it when I became them.

That's right, them. Ezio was a good guy, and awfully friendly. Weren't all Italians? Anyway, I felt much better waking up in the morning with a smirking Assassin looking down at me then a serious one; hidden blade and all. It was things like this that makes it difficult to decided for myself, whether it was real or not. It certainly felt real, I could practically feel the cold metal of that blade against my neck every time Altair put it against me, but he never left a scratch, fortunately.

I subconsciously traced my neck where I expected faint red lines to be, I could remember the blade on me again, but then again it also felt like it was never there in the first place.

At that moment Altair was staring at me again, he had golden eyes. Not bright like jewellery but a dim kind of golden. I have the feeling I'm glowing red right now in his eagle vision... I looked away, a bit nervous. I swear, this guy has serious problems. Then again, I shouldn't be saying that... I've lived some of his life; I sort of understand why his like this. Especially with Malik, wasn't he aggravating? Novice, it's not like Altair called him armless every time he saw him. I wonder what happened to that guy in the end.

He was still looking at me. God help me now, I smiled hesitantly and said, "What ever happened to Malik and you?" I gulped. Shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that. His eyes were on me like a hawk, I waited for a reply anyway, since I asked.

There was none, but you know what did happen though? "Desmond," something warm clamped down on my shoulder, a hand. An Italian mans hand; I looked up slightly, Ezio smiling down on me briefly. This was the younger Ezio, the one without a bread... I smiled weakly as I took a quick glance at the spot Altair was just in. He was gone, thank god. It was a very bad sign when the both of them were present; at the same time.

I haven't told anyone about my problem, and I don't intend too. They all think I'm depressed about Lucy, which I am. I didn't mean too- It should of never happened.

But it did.

And I'm sorry.

If only I was stronger, if only I could... I should of- "You are in a gloomy mood Desmond," Gloomy, more like depressed. His thick Italian accent comforts me a little; it was just pleasant to the ears I guess. "Have you considered leaving this room for other purposes besides using the bathroom?" The bathroom and just another room away, I haven't actually left this space yet... I'm kind of, afraid to. Everyday someone manages to bring me food and leaves it on the table next to the door, I never do see them. But I have a feeling it's either Rebecca or Shaun... Like that guy gives a damn. It makes me think, why haven't they spoken to me yet? Is it because I'm a murder now? No, they know I would of never done that, they should know. It was out of my control, and they know that.

Right?

I blame my problem. Sometimes I forget where I am, and I visualise things, things which happened years ago. And that was only one of the symptoms listed, there's that whole personality disorder thing. Some days I can't even remember my name.

And then there are things I can't explain, like when Sixteen shows up. I don't think that's meant to happen, And it scares me sometimes.

Funny, me an assassin? Scared? Aren't we meant to be fearless of something? I would think so.

I heard the door knob rattle behind me, Ezio was gone; good. I seem to be much more 'with it' today than I usually am. By that I mean, I've managed to stay in this room the whole time without it turning into the scenery of Venice or Jerusalem so far.

Shaun, boy am I glad to see his face again... And I thought it was going to be Leonardo asking for a codex page again, that happened once you know, and I happened to have a codex page in my hand; no Ezio's hand.

"Desmond?" His calling me, should I look? What if he turns into something else?

"Yeah?"

"You can see me?" You can see me? Why the hell wouldn't I be able too? It's called the Bleeding Effect not the blind effect.

"Why wouldn't I be able to?" Offended, I turned from him, arms crossed and all. Now I was really acting like a little kid,

"Alright alright, no need to get moody with me Desmond. But you're going to have to get out here, we've got a job to do you know." Job? Wasn't he going to ask about Lucy? Anything? Typical, the British man is the one I hate, how stereotypical... It's what he gets for being so mean, I remember my first day working with him... What did he say? Oh right, I asked him what all his stuff was for... And then he went on and on about it. God, it was just stuff, I didn't call it crap now did I? "Alright there Desmond? Forgot where the door is? Well hurry up and remember you're late." He slammed the door shut as he left, the prick.

I haven't left this room yet. I wonder where I am, probably another isolated area; one the Tempalrs can't find us in.

Hopefully somewhere nice.

...

Who am I kidding?

Closing the door respectively as I left, and raked my eyes over the scene before me. A simple hallway, nothing weird about it, I'm just not sure if I'm in the right place anymore. What if this isn't the right scene? What if I'm seeing things again? I ask myself. I went down it anyway, I was still wearing my white jacket; and not Assassin robes. I took a peek round the corner, expecting some guards or whatever to be waiting for me; instead I saw the Animus, all set out and ready for me to lie on.

It was this very machine that caused me all this trouble.

"Hurry up then, or have you forgotten that too? This in an Animus, you sit on it and we do all the hard work." His voice again, I rolled my eyes to the left, Shaun sat on a stool facing a desk full of papers and files as well as a computer. Rebecca sat to my right, doing her part as usual. He barely gave me a glance, I tried smiling but she didn't smile back.

"I- where's Lucy?" Where's Lucy? I know what you're thinking, why did I say that? Right. To be honest, I don't know why I even let those words out my mouth in the first place. It was involuntary, but it was too late. Shaun threw me daggers behind those glasses of his; Rebecca looked on edge, like she hadn't slept for a while. They both stared at me, silent. Until Shaun spoke up rudely.

"You killed her, remember?" Venom laced within his voice, it hurt to hear him say it like that. The memory came flooding in; I couldn't stop it I just- Lucy. What have I done?

"Shaun." She almost yelled, her tone would have silenced anyone up. "Don't listen to him Des, just sit down, and let's get this over with." I have nothing to do but to comply with her words. So that's what this was about, I should of known better. At least Rebecca doesn't blame me, I think. But I'm pretty sure Shaun does. I didn't look at him as I sat, instead I looked out the window; it was beautiful; the sun I mean. It poured in, filling the whole room, illuminating every inch of this place. For a moment, I felt like I was in bliss, but as I was sucked into the programme, harsh reality came flooding back in.


Life is... Black and white. And I think I've lost sight of that separation now.

It was like a dream you know, an out of body experience. I felt my soul, drift out of me and into Ezio Auditore, I thought I was suffering the effects of the bleeding again but no; it couldn't be because I do remember getting into the Animus. I do.

Shuan and Rebecca didn't speak to me like they usually did when I entered this century; I was left to my own devices instead. I swung from building to building, jumping of ledges and using the old Leap of Faith trick. I still couldn't comprehend the possibility of it, those high drops; the trust I gave to myself to perform these stunts. It's how I knew I was in the Animus this time, because I would of never allowed myself to fall that high. I mean sure, I've done it once, at Monteriggioni; Lucy was even watching then.

But that was only because I was following Ezio, well; what I saw of Ezio back then anyway.

And then it happened, I was in that place. Where I first saw Sixteen, but when I first saw him it was because of the effect? Or was it? I'm not sure at all. Everything disintegrated before me, like I died and was being desynchronized. Except, I came to a shore, with a sea and even a gentle breeze. I walked along it, as Desmond, I mean me. And then he came... That's right I walked right past him, but I didn't stop when he showed up this time.

"Hey!"

"Let me guess? My mind is broken?" I've heard this talk before, no need to remind me.

"Not only do you have the problem but a now you're creating blank spots in your memory?"

"What do you mean?" I stopped now, blank spots?

"You've been in the Animus before, you just can't remember can you?" He was grinning at me, so he thought this was funny did he?

"So all those times were the Animus? Or do I-"

"Don't get me wrong, you've got the problem," he told me, he told me I've got the 'problem'. That was something I could be sure about, but I have no recollection of entering the Animus since- Well, since I woke up? But how do I know that was the first time I woke up now? What? I thought I've only been awake for about five days until Shaun came into my room, was he telling me that wasn't true?

"Stop it! You're making things worse," I clutched my head. God this was troublesome, I just wished I could close my eyes, and pretend none of this ever happened. But I knew, we all knew it didn't work like that. "Rebbeca," I called out, "get me out of here."

"Retreating already? And here I thought you were an Assassin, he-ha," Screw him, for now I guess. I watched his laughing face right until the point I felt myself being dragged out of that existence. And back into my real body.

I touched myself before I opened my eyes, latching on to my thighs, checking if they were real. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding when I felt them there, my usual jeans and not the heavy robes.

"Desmond?" Two faces were hovering above me. I couldn't make them out, but I knew them to be Rebecca and Shaun. Things slowly started to focus around me again; I sat upright, and swung my legs over the seat of the Animus. The two backed off, allowing me some space; I silently thanked them as I stood up.

What felt like minutes were actually hours? I saw the clock, the numbers 5:08 glowing in bright red; was it not morning a few minutes ago? God...

"What happened?" She said in a rushed tone, she steadied me, settling me back down onto the red seat because I couldn't even keep my own balance. Aren't I pathetic?

"I don't know, first I was Ezio," I said, "and then I was me again, but I was still in the Animus," I knew at that point Shaun was rolling his eyes. I didn't blame him though; even I thought I was being a little dumb. "-and Sixteen, he was there in that weird place."

"You fell off grid; we couldn't see you after you vanished like that." Off grid? I remember somewhere long ago someone once told me that that place was like a black room, a place with no memories and no stories to tell. Just a simple 'testing' prototype room or something like that, weather simulations and basic physics was all that was there. I nodded slowly, taking her words in.

"Hmm yes, I wonder how that could of happened. It doesn't seem right at all, this isn't like last time."

"Last time?" So he was right, I have been in the Animus before, in this state I mean.

"There were times when you were fit enough to get into the Animus, me and Shaun plugged you in so you could 'collect your self'. And it's working, we just need to do it a bit more okay Des?"

"You can't remember? Can't you?" So what if I couldn't? It didn't mean he could look me down like that! He has no idea how I'm feeling, no idea. I gave him a look of my own, one I must say was similar to Altair's. He was a creepy guy at times, his silence, his glares... If they worked on me they must work on Hastings.

"It wasn't my fault. I was being possessed! There was this voice Shaun this voice!" I got angry; I could feel the burning within me, the anger. Didn't he know that if I could change the past I would! Didn't he? "I couldn't control myself! Damnit!" I slammed my fists down, and hung my head low. I felt the pain rise up in my again, that horrible feeling. A tear slid from my eyes and down the tip of my nose, it dripped from there on and continued on through the air and down onto my lap leaving a dark spot as it soaked in. Basic physics huh.

"Why don't you go take a rest Des, I'll deal with Shaun." She was so kind to me, I didn't deserve it. I nodded again, faster this time and took the opportunity to leave the room. Why did everything have to be so overwhelming? I was expected to remember things I can't even put in a basic time line, this happened there; that happened then. Everything blurred in together, becoming one...

"And if you're planning to fall asleep you better not scream in your sleep. Some of us have real work to do you know." Our eyes met again. He's held pure hatred and frustration; he must have taken Lucy's death hard. And he was blaming it all on me. I forced myself to go, to escape that fucking bastard. Next time I see him, I won't even speak to him.

How childish was that?


"I think I might of hit my head... I don't remember who I am. I'm just trying to be somebody that's all, but I... Please forgive me, I can't remember much but if you happened to know-"

"Ezio are youokay? Do not tell methat the guardshavehityour head several timesharderthis time? Wait a moment;I'm sureI have somethingto solvethis problemof yours."

"What?" Everything he said was in Italian, Leonardo ushered me to sit in one of the chairs behind me, but that's not what I- Wait a moment. Leonardo?

Wait. No, it was Malik, Leonardo had two arms not one.

He came back in, holding a small pouch of some sorts in his only hand. A grumpy look on his face, I reached out to grab it, I only had three fingers and one thumb. That was weird. As I reached out for the bag, it became out of my reach; Malik was playing his games again. "Do not loose this. It may be of no importance to you but it is to someone else, Novice." Novice, I clutched the air; tightening my fist at the word. I wanted to punch the miserable bastard in his face! How many times did I have to apologise? I understood it was my fault I got his brother killed! I got his arm like that! I jumped over the desk, and dragged him closer to me. His eyes were wide, yes; I could feel the fear coming off him.

"Dare call me a Novice again and I will cut off your other arm." I whispered like a snake in his ear, holding him tightly as I did so. He shoved me off forcefully; I lost balance and fell backwards, hitting the ground ungracefully.

I snapped awake, like my soul had fallen back into my body. First I checked the window; it was how I determined what time it was on most days, sometimes the clock just wouldn't make sense to me.

Night. Morning hadn't arrived, great. And I fell back down, dropping myself back onto the soft pillows under me. It felt great, just like this; I didn't mind this at all.

It was there again, like very other night I woke up like this. I gulped, but did my best to remain still. I knew it was Altair, I could practically smell his scent near me. Fucking Hell.

Him and his hidden blade, sometimes I woke up scared, most times I didn't. This became something I was so used to, so damn used too. Or was I just annoyed? I pushed the blade away from my neck; I didn't want that thing against me, not today. But what good was a push against an Assassin? He got on top of me, nothing sexual, and held me down. I only looked at him, I wasn't scared, I told myself. He could stare all he wants; now he was really starting to remind me of Shaun. "GO AWAY!" I yelled in the middle of the night, would he stop staring at me! Why! Why are you looking at me like that? Like a murderer? Like an insane man. ...Please, just leave me alone...

I wanted to bury all my memories, just so I wouldn't have to deal with them. And start out fresh, and leave behind the mess.

"Desmond!" I barely heard the running footsteps come down the hall, I held his head in my hands, I was still lying down in my bed; Altair gone. Only to be replaced with another problem, a real problem.

"I'm fine." And shuffled from the position I was in, I didn't want to face him, not now not ever.

"Listen mate, we started on bad terms I know. So I'll let this one slide, if you know what I mean." Yeah sure I do, what was he going to do comfort me? He wouldn't know how, not that I needed it. This was just his excuse to get him out of this delicate situation of mine. Whatever Shaun. "I never meant to blame it on you by the way," he mumbled as he left. I heard him, crystal clear, was that sincerity in his voice? I thought I'd never see the day. He closed my door softly; I'm guessing he was heading back to work now... This guy never stopped working. Day and night, behind that computer. No wonder he told he to go away just after saying hello.

Well wasn't I becoming a dandy little problem for him?

I groaned, loud and clear; then flopped back down on my bed for the second time. What a long night.

After that I couldn't get back to sleep, it was impossible; like an alarm going off every minute in my head; except there was no alarm but my fears instead. I didn't want to dream this night, or shall I say again this night. I didn't want to be Ezio or Altair, I just wanted to stay as Desmond for a little while longer, yeah... You know it's time like this I start to think about Sixteen again, I wonder if he went through all this too? Probably did, maybe I should ask him about it; when I get the chance I mean. He seems much more saner now, I wonder how he did it? Before he was just a mumbling fool; spoke in riddle language, couldn't remember a thing. Plus his voice was several octaves higher, funny how he sounded like a man now. Still, he was creepy and yes; weird. But wouldn't you be too? Stuck in an Animus, like a programme? God...

I remember I called him my guardian angel once, that didn't go down well with him.

But I don't remember doing it. It must of just been a dream or? Why do I even bother questioning these things?

So I watched the sun come up, back from the dead and into the living again brightening up the day as it rose up high.

I was tired yes, but happy. I went the whole night without another visit from my ancestors again; which was great! If you ask me. I could hear Shaun typing away on his computer sometimes, or the occasional trip to the kitchen (not that I know where that is) to boil a fresh cup of coffee. How could he work so late? And yet still do so well in day time. Doesn't this guy sleep? Or is it just that he can't right now. I feel, I feel terrible; like... I feel so guilty; because all of this was my fault, with my problems and all it was surely affecting the others around me. The numbers 6.33AM were written in red beside me; I think I should get up now.

Shirt over my head, check; it was a different shirt this time. It was white and it had a symbol of an eagle imprinted on it, either Rebbeca bought it to cheer me up or Shaun bought it as a joke; I couldn't careless. Black jacket, looks like someone decided to invert my colours didn't they? I found my jeans on the side of my bed; messy but still usable; check, I quickly shoved those on and left my room without closing the door.

Down the hallway and into the next room, so this hallway does belong to the present time; I'll be sure to remember that, if I can.

Just as I predicted, the nerd was behind his computer again. I mean uh, historian. He was dedicated to that thing wasn't he? Sometimes he typed; most times he read through pages of data. I used to just stand behind him and watch him do it; not understanding any of it because it all looked so boring. So I thought I might do it again, and use it as an excuse as to why I haven't made my presence known to him when I entered the room in the first place.

"If you're trying to sneak up on me it's not going to work." Spotted and found, it was a nice try though. I smiled wanly to myself as I stood beside him.

"I only wanted to know what you were doing," it was true, and not true. I knew what he was doing, but I wanted to know why till this hour? "And ask whether you sleep or not."

"Well you know Desmond, some people can't sleep when they have important things to do. Unlike you I'm also helping the other Assassins out there; you know." -I did, the ones who are out there, fighting. "The real ones in real danger, because when they die; they don't desynchronize, but die. Remember what that is? Where you don't wake up again?" What a nice subtle way to put it... I even smiled about it too.

...

He whirled round on his chair, I think he was just about to spit another remark about me out; but instead he stopped himself from doing so. He saw me smiling to myself, dreamy eyes... I was thinking about something, something else; something much more pleasant that him.

But it also felt like I was slowly degrading into madness, I couldn't help it though! Sometimes it felt great! Just sitting back and letting something else take control, it meant I didn't have to deal with all of this shit. I could see him, cold callous eyes on me like a hawk, he thought me mad didn't he? He thought I was losing it this very minute didn't he?

Well maybe he was right.

"Your eyes Desmond." Huh? My eyes? "They're blue." Blue?

"What?" I snapped out of it, blue eyes? What was I doing with blue eyes?

"I thought they were brown." They were! I thought that too, I think; I can't remember.

"T-then I guess they've changed." God it was embarrassing, how he looked at me that way. I had to look away; I even looked down a bit to shield my eyes over. Could he stop staring already? I didn't appreciate it. At least now I knew that my mind wasn't the only thing the Bleeding Effect was altering.

"It's strange is all. No need to be embarrassed Desmond," what a dick. I know fully well that he was teasing me, bastard. You know it wasn't easy! Having to deal with this, having to wake up as dead people from hundreds of years ago.

"I'm not embarrassed!" My fists tightened by my sides, you know what I really wanted to do? Smack the smirk off his face, and maybe even his glasses too so he'll be left blind, this way I could step on them and leave him like that. Trying reading your research then asshole!

He really knew how to get under my skin, damnit Shaun, I swear one of these days I'll- I'll- Malik?

"Don't shout at me Novice," Shaun said? No, Malik said? What. I blinked a couple times before staring stupidly at him again. Was this for real? I've never turned someone into someone else before, I- I only have three fingers and a thumb on my hand, was it left? Was it right? I can't recall it.

"I am not shouting." I said. "It was you who started this!" I shouted that part. He made me feel so angry; it was just everything he said! Just who did he think he was anyway? So I grabbed him, no Altair grabbed him. He looked surprised, good; it was always a good way to catch an enemy off guard, and I raised my free fist and sent it fast his way- but he stopped it. Curses! My fist was in his hand! The one that wasn't cut off unfortunately.

"What are you doing!" He screamed, he could have woken up the whole district with that mudane voice of his! I pulled my fist back to myself, letting go of his shirt while I did it. "Desmond get off it! Bloody mad man, wake up!" He snapped angrily. What was he talking about? Snap out of it? I was perfectly fine thanks! I- Wait, why was Malik saying those things? Bloody? Get of it? Shit. I snapped my head to the side, no, not again. I really did hate it when I became them, I really did. "Desmond, mate." I snorted at the word mate, since when were we friends?

"Shaun?" Course it was Shaun, who else works at this time in the morning. I stepped out of his hold hastily, he hand his hand on my shoulder, well did. "I didn't know what happened I-"

"Listen. When Rebecca wakes up, if she's not awake yet," we have been yelling quiet loud. "We'll set the Animus up and we'll put you in. Alright?" Was he showing concern? Was it only because now that he saw a glimpse of what I was suffering he-?

"Ok." I staggered away from him; I didn't want to be in his sights. Why couldn't I control myself? Why did it have to happen there and then? I sighed deeply, when was this going to be over...


A/N: Something I want to explain. This is meant to be set after the events of Brotherhood, and this happens and his in a small house somewhere hidden in the forest or something... Alright, thats how I see it in my head anyway. And, more Ezio next chapter. More stuff will be explained as it goes along anyway, from a more... Accurate point of view.