A piercing, high-pitched scream spread through the forest around The Mystery Shack, immediately catching attention of Dipper Pines, who stuck his head out of the shed to see what caused his sister to scream. The moment he dashed outside, ready to defend her, he was met with the multicoloured blur of Mabel Pines that almost collided with him in her haste.
- Quick, Dipper! Up the tree!
Dipper had only a few seconds to turn his head around, but in that moment he spotted a reddish, small, furry creature running behind them so fast, it almost seemed that it tried to outrun itself. Years of encountering monsters in Gravity Falls told all of his instincts to run, and, as Mabel suggested, they aimed for the tree nearby with the most number of low-hanging branches.
He could practically feel the monster's teeth gnawing on his exposed leg, but fortunately, as the years went by, Dipper retained his stick-figure physique, allowing him to escape the monster. As he climbed up the tree, Dipper kept nervously looking back, and when the creature stopped being in motion, Dipper suddenly realised it wasn't exactly a typical animal, even by Gravity Falls standards.
- Mabel... is that...?
- Quick!
Mabel grabbed his arm and pulled him to the branch she felt was the safest and sturdiest one. From that point, there was no mistake: the animated object that followed them was not made from fur, but fuzz.
- Mabel, is that sweater alive?!
- Uh, yeah. - Mabel replied - Good thing it won't catch us here, otherwise it might eat us up.
- Mabel, calm down. - Dipper put his arm over his sister's shoulder - How did you even find it?
- Well, you remember about the whole market underneath our city, run by gnomes and other weird creatures? - Mabel asked, shying away and twirling her fingers in an unmistakable guilty manner.
- Yeah...
- The one we shouldn't really go, cos' they don't like humans?
- Mabel, what did you do...?
Mabel paused for a moment.
- I... I wanted to make a gift for Paz. Well, more like, uh, something for me... but also for her...
- Mabel, get to the point! - Dipper shouted, seriously wondering if the monstrous piece of attire could climb up the trees, now that he knew magic was involved.
- I bought some magic powder to make my clothes more, uh...
- Glittery?
- No...
- Stylish?
- Well... it begins with an "s"...
Dipper was about to guess again, but the knowing tone of Mabel's voice made the correct gear in his head turn. He threw her a wide-eyed stare, to which she only responded with a nod.
- You wanted to make a sexy sweater.
- Yeah! But the magic powder was bogus! - she flailed her arms - And instead of making me more likely to score, it prevents me from doing so! Dipper... - she paused, closing the distance to her brother, as she clutched the hem of his vest - It's a VIRGIN KILLER SWEATER! That's why it wants to eat us! Look!
And she stretched her arm right under Dipper's nose.
- See? This is where it bit me!
- Wait, where? - Dipper asked, staring at the perfectly normal-looking skin.
- It bit me there... Right in my self-confidence! - she cried out. - We gotta stay here, Dipper. I don't want you to suffer as much as I did!
At first, Dipper looked astonished at Mabel's revelation. Never before, despite his five Summers spent at Gravity Falls, has he heard a more ridiculous way to create a monster. But then, to Mabel's horror, he smiled, chuckled, and with a salute to his hat, he jumped from his branch without a word of explanation.
- Dipper! No!
Mabel screamed, and in desperation reached her arm to catch her brother, who fell right to the spot where the angry sweater was a second ago. From her position she saw the sweater charge towards her brother, its neck wide open, about to bite a chunk of his dignity. And then...
Then the sweater stopped and licked him.
What would be a cloth tag turned into a tongue-like protrusion which, together with its two arms, pulled Dipper to the ground, and instead of devouring him, the sweater stopped growling and begun barking playfully, in response to Dipper's scratching his "body".
- Wha...?
- Hey, Mabel, look, it's ticklish!
Dipper shouted, grabbing the neck of the sweater from both sides, which prompted it to fall to its back and wiggle the arms in the air, asking for more.
- Who's a good abomination and a sin against nature? Who's a good abomination and a sin against nature...
- Dipper... - Mabel raised her brow, as she slowly understood why Dipper's soul was still in one piece - Are you saying...
- Yup. - he replied at once, though he couldn't quite meet his sister's eyes. - About a month ago, when we came here. I guess Wendy missed be a bit too much... - he chuckled, pride definitely present in his voice.
- Wait, are you telling me that your movie nights...
- Yeah, had very little movies in them.
Mabel groaned.
- I'm a disgrace to all match-makers. I've been so focused on Paz, that I didn't even notice that *my own brother* - she said those words contemptuously - has done it before me!
- I guess I'm the alpha twin now, Mabes. - Dipper laughed - Hey, I've got an idea.
He took the sweater to his arms, as if he was holding a puppy, and ran to the Shack's parking lot, where a green pick-up truck was just being parked.
- Hey, Soos!
The head of the chubby handyman popped through the door, followed by the rest of his body, eager to see the cause of the weird noises.
- Soos, check it out! - Dipper showed him the sweater, wiggling its arms, and getting a bit nervous, as Soos approached - Isn't it cute?
- Woah, dudes, what's that?
Soos reached his hands towards it, and Dipper was ready to pull the potentially lethal creature away from his friend. But then, the growling stopped again, and the sweater jumped onto Soos' chest and then his shoulder, circling around his neck like a fur collar.
- Oh, hey, little dude, how's it going? - Soos chuckled, scratching what would be its head - Oh, man, Dipper, have you seen these videos on-line with people dressing their dogs in sweaters? Do you think we can put one on it too? Or would it be like a human wearing a human skin...?
- I, uh, I don't know man. - Dipper replied, gently taking the wiggling creature from Soos's shoulders - I just wanted to show you what Mabel made in the afternoon.
- Cool! I hope she makes some self-walking pants!
Soos waved Mabel, apparently completely unabashed by the fact that she's been sitting on the branch throughout all of the conversation, and, after he patted the sweater goodbye, went back inside.
- Oh come on, even Soos had sex? - Mabel groaned again.
- Well, Wendy's been bonding with Melody, and yeah, from what she told her, looks like it. Ladies and gentlemen, to your right, you see a rare specimen of a girl who hasn't done it yet, one of a kind!
- Oh, shut up! - Mabel shouted. - And I guess there's two of us, counting Paz, so you can put us in a cage together. Maybe then it will happen...
She tucked her head half-way into her shirt and leaned in defeat against the tree trunk. Dipper thought for a moment, looked at the swearer in his arms, and then shouted to Mabel.
- Hey, Mabel, break one of those branches!
- What?
- Break that thin branch above your head. - he repeated - And rub it on your shirt.
- Dipper, are you making fun of me again?
- No, I've got an idea.
He waved his arm, and waited until Mabel did as he told her. A moment later, the branch fell to the ground, and as soon as the sweater picked its scent, it jumped out of Dipper's arms to grab it, but Dipper was faster.
- Okay, sweater, look at that virgin twig, look at it, look how bad it is... very bad, isn't it? You wanna eat it? You wanna? Fetch!
And he threw it as far as he could, but not before stomping on one of the loose threads protruding from sweater's lower part. The creature darted towards the other end of the clearing, and it was half-way to it, when it realised that something was wrong with its body. But it was too late: the more it moved, the more it unravelled itself, until it was nothing more than a wiggling thread of wool that ultimately stopped jittering as well.
- And that's the end of the virgin killer sweater! - Dipper announced proudly, and walked to the tree to secure his sister. - You okay there?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Well, I'm still kinda bummed.
But as Mabel stared at the stretched line of wool, her face suddenly brightened, and even though she hasn't said a word, Dipper understood that Mabel has regained the lost piece of her confidence. As quickly as she sprinted out of the Shack, she dashed back carrying the remains of her sweater, eager to see if her idea would work.
Pacifica Northwest has been astonished by her girlfriend's attires many times so far. But the idea of a half-sweater, half-evening dress was bizarre even by Mabel's standards. She looked amazing in it, from head to toes, though Pacifica couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something weird with it.
And when Mabel walked closer to kiss her, she spotted the tiny, loose strand and automatically picked it up, about to throw it away, so it won't ruin the perfect image Mabel has created for herself.
But as she pulled it, Pacifica realised it wasn't just a discarded thread, and when Mabel stepped away from her, the meticulous structure of her attire begun dissolving in front of Pacifica's wide-opening eyes, until her girlfriend stood in front of her wearing nothing but her shoes and a smile. She confidently stepped out of the unravelled thread, and walked back to Pacifica, swaying her hips with each move.
- Paz, don't you think it's time for us to, you know, move our relationship to a next level? - she fluttered her eyelids.
- Oh, I though you'd never asked. - Pacifica smiled, and grabbed Mabel by her ass, bringing her into her lap.
