Hey guys! No, I haven't died. I bet right this second, you're all yelling at me for putting up this new story instead of updating the other ones. I'm right, aren't I? Well, I wrote this one in my notebook at midnight last night after my mom kicked me off the computer. I figured I ought to at least type this one up and give ya'll something rather than have you wait a few more months when I finally figure out how to type the next chapter in one of my other stories.
Anyways. This fic is Roycentric. And not yaoi, as always. It's also slightly au, considering Roy became an enlisted man after the last episode. Read on.
Counting
I can literally count the people I care about on my fingers. Riza, Hughes, Havoc, Fuery, Falman, Breda, Armstrong, Ed, Al… There's only nine.
And using these two hands, though right now I really only need one, I can tick them off, too. I lost Hughes. That's one down, only eight left now. I remember vaguely wondering who would come next after Hughes' death.
That question was answered recently. Now I've lost Edward too. It's funny how you don't realize how much you really care about someone until they're gone. Even now, I half expect that little blonde ball of energy in a read coat to come running into my office, yelling and cursing at me for some inexplicable reason. For me to lazily make some random comment about his height of poor handwriting. For him to blow up at me, while I force myself to hide an amused smile.
But no. That's not going to happen. Something happened in that underground city, and he hasn't come back yet. No. Who am I kidding? He's not going to come back. He can't. The price of another life is too high. We all know that. Ed's whole body and soul hadn't even been enough to bring Alphonse back completely the same. Alphonse can't even begin to remember the past four years they'd spent together, depending on each other. It must be terrible to be told stories about yourself. And there are still gaps.
I'm not the only one here that wants Ed back, though.
I know the others want him back as though none of this had ever happened just as much as I do.
I've seen them when the doors to the main office open. Seen Riza, and Havoc, and Fuery, and Falman, and Breda, and even Black Hayate look up from whatever they're doing quickly and hopefully. Only to have that brief flash of disappointment and sorrow spread across their faces before regaining their businesslike façade. Hell, I do it too.
That kid brought a carefree smile to this office and, dammit, I want that back. I want things to be happier again.
Riza gives a faint, sad smile when she notices what I'm doing. I hadn't even realized she's walked in. I returned that same faint, sad smile and slowly curl my fingers into my palm before hurriedly wiping away the tears that had come to my eyes but not yet fallen.
"You'd better finish your paperwork, sir," she says softly. I nod slightly and she leaves, after all, she'd only come in to make sure I wasn't ignoring or toasting the stack of documents on my desk.
Sighing, I turn to said stack, only to growl in annoyance, and wish for once that I could act like the dog I am and rip them to shreds. Because in the end, I'm still just a dog of the military, still on a tight leash, with a master that won't let me out of their sight long enough for me to search for that cute little boy we came to love so much without realizing it. And now, I can't help but wonder, who's next?
MA: Yeah, I know. It's rather angsty. In my opinion at least. Well, Read and Review. Don't flame though, that's Roy's job. And Hiei's. Of course, if you do flame, they'll be used to burn one of my strangely-named relatives when they annoy me.
