This is an old draft I have, let me know what you think. There could possibly be typos but I never get much time to edit. I would appreciate your opinions. Please no negativity and I'll update my other stories soon. Happy reading!
Conrad paced the halls, he didn't belong here, he wasn't crazy. At least these are the things he told himself in an attempt to keep sane, ironically he thought being here would be the cause for him to lose his mind, not even considering how he ended up there in the first place. People had always warned him that if he kept pushing himself he would eventually burn out and he did so in spectacular fashion - three days without sleep was enough to send him into a downward spiral of hallucinations and paranoia, doctors were still trying to figure out if he had an underlying disorder or if this was all brought on by stress and sleep deprivation. Living life on a doctor's schedule was never easy but especially that of a resident, it was common knowledge that residents were often over worked and never had much time to sleep. Conrad didn't consider any of this, he just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. He was wondering the halls wondering if this would be a long term thing, days of boredom listening to people rambling on to themselves or screaming and crying. The thought of all that made him unseay. "Are you alright?" he heard someone ask, he quickly turned around. "It's alright. You don't need to be afraid" she spoke softly to him, she didn't look familiar - she must be new he thought to himself.
"I'm not afraid of you" he was going to say something else but decided against it, he definitely didn't want to seem more crazy than he probably already did.
"You're pacing" she said, seemingly staring the obvious but he didn't feel like getting in trouble today so he didn't comment on it. "Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I doubt it" he said and continued on his way but she followed him, she seemed nervous, almost as if she thought by leaving him alone it would cause a life or death situation, clearly she was new to psych nursing. "I don't need you to babysit me okay?" he was getting increasingly annoyed with her, she backed up quickly when she sensed that.
"I'm sorry.. I know this is probably a difficult time for you but I've been assigned to your case and I'd really like to get to know you better" she just wanted to talk to him. "Do you think we could sit down and talk?"
"No" he replied as he walked around her. He wasn't interested in conversing, not when he constantly had to watch what he said because he was worried about seeming completely insane but how could you hold onto your sanity in a place like this?
As he laid in bed that night his mind drifted back to their brief encounter, something about her seemed...different and he couldn't quite figure out what. Nicolette Nevin Psych NP was written in bold letters across her ID badge, her blonde hair thrown into a loose bun. She was truly beautiful but he couldn't really let his mind go there could he? After all he was her patient, they weren't equals in this situation but still his mind continued to drift back to her as he fell asleep.
Nic returned home after a long shift, she was exhausted but she wouldn't sleep, her mind was racing, her hands were shaking, adrenaline was pumping through her body at an alarmingly fast rate. She shut her eyes, she needed to calm herself down, there was no cause for her fear, no imminent danger, yet here she was standing in her living room feeling like she was about to die. She sat down on her couch, she felt like she was burning up. She took off her coat and scarf, then she ripped off her ID badge tossing it aside. She put her head in her hands and let herself cry. How could she manage to help her patients when she wasn't even stable herself? How could she keep going like this...
There was a little voice in the back of her mind telling her she couldn't. You can't do this, this career choice was a mistake, you're messed up, you're not good enough. She stood up quickly. No. This wasn't true, she just needed something to quiet the noise in her head. She went to the kitchen and gently splashed some water on her face, as if trying to wake herself up from a bad dream. However it wasn't that simple, this was a nightmare she couldn't wake up from.
She walked back to the couch and grabbed her bag taking Conrad's case file from it, he was her first and only patient since she was back from leave and their circumstances seemed eerily similar. He was a highly respected young doctor at the peak of his early career when he had a breakdown. This made her all the more determined to figure out the cause because she had once been in a similar situation. 6 months leave and a few prescriptions later and she was, back at work, life continuing to go on despite her feeling trapped. She wondered if Conrad would feel that way when he got out, she wondered if he would ever truly fully recover since right now she felt full recovery was impossible. She went to therapy, she took her meds yet she was still having panic attacks and feeling so alone.
She tried to separate herself from this case, everyone was different Conrad would be nothing like her, she needed to be more objective. She looked over his file he had a history of complex PTSD but other than that there was no history of mental illness and no family history was taken, she wondered why. His mother was listed as deceased so there would be no information from her but his father was listed as alive. Marshall Winthrop, he would provide the answers she needed, at least she hoped he would. She had no idea that their similarities didn't end at having similar careers and having issues, they both had complex family issues as well...
