I know I should be working on BTHOTM but I love J/L stories and I had to write one myself.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters you recognize belong to the one and only JK Rowling. Some other characters and some plot lines belong to me.


PROLOGUE

Sometimes I wonder if I could have made it through my seventh year at Hogwarts without my friends.

Sometimes I wonder if I could have made it through my seventh year at Hogwarts without a certain bespectacled boy whose sole purpose previous to that fateful year was to annoy the hell out of me.

Sometimes I wonder how I made it through my seventh year at Hogwarts at all.

My seventh year at Hogwarts was not even remotely similar to anything I had in my mind at the end of my sixth year. Although I knew, of course, of the war going on around us, I did not expect to have it affect me personally. I did not expect to have it hurt me the way it did. I did not expect to change so much during the summer; nor did I expect any of my friends – or enemies – to be so mentally, emotionally, and physically altered by the time we returned to school.

Divination, the art of fortune telling, however, has never been my best subject.

As my life changed beyond recognition, so, too, did one thing remained constant, something I never would have expected. We all need a constant in our lives; some people choose drugs, alcohol, cutting themselves, or worse. A certain tousle-haired boy remained the one thing that was constant in my life; he, too, changed immensely, but the fact that he could still bring a smile to my lips at almost any time, that fact remained constant. No matter how much he irritated me, he still made me smile every now and then, and that was what kept me sane.

Yes, James Potter, the boy who, during the previous six years at school drove me absolutely mad, was that one person who kept me from losing my sanity.

That seventh year at Hogwarts, that fateful seventh year, during which so much happened … the war with Voldemort, or as the rest of the wizarding community called him: he-who-must-not-be-named, was at its most terrible, or so we thought. People were dying left, right and centre, and we were stuck at school.

James was the one affected worst by this. Being the type of man he was, stubborn, almost foolhardy, hero type, he was the one who screamed (until I was sure he was about to burst a blood vessel in his vocal cords) at Dumbledore to let him out of the school so he could join the war and fight. He was the one who picked the most fights with the Slytherins he knew were Death Eaters or sons of Death Eaters. James was the one who said to me, "Evans, don't you ever try to punish me for fighting a Slytherin, because we've got to catch them all and try to teach them a lesson before they try to kill us." At the time, of course, I disagreed. James Potter should not have been taking it upon himself to kill all the Slytherins, Death Eaters or not. After all, they were students.

During the school year, something horrible happened. Something that made me realize that it's not all about who is a student and who is not. It's not all about school, and it certainly isn't all about keeping the Slytherins who tore my family apart safe from James Potter.

No. It's about fighting. Not fighting to keep yourself alive, but fighting to keep those you care about, those you love, alive. Fighting not for victory – for in a war where both sides have so many casualties, how can there be victory? – But for the triumph of coming out alive with your best friends, your family, and all those who you love by your side. Fighting not to stop evil, but to keep it at bay, for evil can never quite be eradicated; even Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of our time, admitted it. Fighting, not for what was safe and easy, but for what was right.

James Potter, the one constant in my seventh year at Hogwarts, was the one to teach me that I had to fight. He was the one that inspired in me such a desire to fight. Without him I might have given up on fighting; I might have given up on life. But he convinced me, eventually, that I mustn't let Voldemort win. I mustn't let his gift for spreading hatred, animosity and death, overcome me.

My seventh year at Hogwarts was the most dangerous and the one during which the many grave and terrible things happened. It was the year that changed me, whether for better or worse, I cannot say. But one thing I am sure about is that my seventh year at Hogwarts was the most thrilling, the most exhilarating and the most tiring. With the war that I was desperately trying to stay out of until I was forcefully thrust headfirst into it, the new Head Girl responsibilities that I was barely ready to take on, the classes growing steadily harder, and the approaching N.E.W.T.s, I was hardly getting a moment's sleep per night, but there were times when I did not want to sleep, times when, although I was, of course, tired, I could not sleep. There were times when it seemed I had insomnia at its worse, times when even one of Slughorn's best sleep potions could not keep me dormant for much longer than a few hours. There were catnaps of course; I would not have been able to go on living had it not been for those catnaps. They kept me sane and kept my mind ready to tackle any problem that hit me, until one problem hit me just a little too hard and the only person around answered my obvious cry for help, the cry for help that was disguised as exhaustion but was really far worse. It is my opinion that the slight case of depression that hit me was not nearly as insignificant as a slight weariness that I never really got over. The only person who answered my cry for help was James Potter.

The summer before my seventh year, even the closest of my friends changed. Alice Marcel got engaged to Frank Longbottom, an Auror-in-training a year our senior, something that she told us about only later in the year. This forced her to take part in the war; Frank quickly rose in the ranks and became one of the top Aurors, which of course also made him one of the most targeted Aurors. Voldemort and his Death Eaters were clever, in a terrible way: instead of trying to directly hurt their targets, they hurt their loved ones. The entire school year, my other best friend and I kept a close watch over her. Though seemingly timid, Alice made some very rash decisions sometimes, and we both thought she might try to leave school to be with Frank. Olivia Hendom, or, as she preferred to be called, Olly, was involved in the war even more than Alice; there had been a Muggle massacre near her home in Portsmouth during Christmas, one that she helped to force the Death Eaters back in. Of course, this made her a target, especially since she nearly killed one of the Death Eaters – Avery.

I noticed a difference in the Slytherins too. Now that the war was more dangerous than ever, they seemed to care less and less about getting detentions or having points taken off of their house. Of course, James was the same way, except that he wasn't picking fights with people because of their parentage. The Slytherins – the children of the Death Eaters, mostly, like the young Avery, Nott, Crabbe, Goyle, and some who were planning to join but were not from a Death Eater family, like Severus Snape and Regulus Black – were attacking Muggle-borns, half-bloods, and "blood traitors" – in other words, everyone in the school except for half the Slytherins. (Honestly, they can't all be pureblood, can they?). The once over-competitive Slytherins who had fought so hard to beat Gryffindor at Quidditch and at the House Cup were now uncaring; it was as if these matters were too trivial for them to waste time and energy on. I must have taken two hundred points or more off of Slytherins who got into fights either as a distraction for something else or to actually hurt someone, but none of them seemed to care. Each and every one simply shrugged it off and walked away. They took their detentions and seemed to see them as only a minor annoyance, whereas the previous two years each time one received a detention, he would howl in protest until my ears hurt.

Even the Marauders, four boys who had annoyed me and amused me (although I never showed it) for all my years at Hogwarts, changed. All four of them grew far more serious; the pranks that they played grew few and far between in times when we could all use a laugh. Sirius Black threw even more reproachful glances toward the Slytherin table, where his brother, Regulus, and his cousin, Narcissa, both sat; both were known to be Voldemort supporters. Narcissa's boyfriend, Lucius Malfoy, who had left school five years, previously, was most definitely a Death Eater. Peter Pettigrew became even more scared than he had been before; his beady, rat like eyes were forever twitching from one person's face to the next, as if trying to see who was trustworthy and who was not. Remus Lupin became more withdrawn and tense by the day; every time someone tapped his shoulder, he started. Every time there was a mention of werewolves in the Daily Prophet he would look guiltily at his toast, as if Fenrir Greyback attacking innocent Muggles was his fault.

The Marauder to change the most was, needless to say, James Potter. After that summer, he never again teased me the way he used to. He flirted sometimes, but it was more to take his mind off the war than anything. James seemed to grow years older that summer; we all did. His immaturity of the previous year had disappeared and was nothing more than a mere memory. During the summer, he went through too much for a seventeen year old to bear; his heart seemed to have hardened, and he was forever hidden behind a mask of confidence, a false smile plastered on his face, one that hardly ever seemed to reach those hazel eyes. Those eyes, the eyes that had, in previous years, shown me that he was flirting, that he was joking, or that he was actually pained by my constant rejection, were now cold and hard. The only thing visible in them was a shadow, one that you had to look hard to see, but was definitely there. It was this shadow of pain that first made me go to him when I needed comfort the most; it made me want to comfort him, which, in turn, took my mind off of my own pain; it was this shadow that made me fall in love with James Potter. And this is how it happened. This is the story of the time when everything changed: my seventh year.


Chapter One

As Lily made her way to the gleaming scarlet train, she couldn't help but wonder who the Head Boy would be this year. She herself had been appointed Head Girl and fervently hoped that the Head Boy wouldn't be a Slytherin.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tall, sandy haired boy appear from the bricked wall separating platform 9 ¾ from the rest of King's Cross. Instinctively, she made her way towards him and his eyes lit up when he saw her coming.

"Lily!" he cried as he pulled her in a massive bone crushing hug.

"Remus! How are you? How were your hols? "

"Well, mad, with those two around-"but he stopped when he saw Lily's face churl at the mention of his best friends. Well, to be specific, she had no problem with Sirius; in fact, she loved spending time with him but could not stand James Potter.

The bane of my existence, she thought wryly.

"Oh come on Lily, they're not that bad-"but stopped as Lily was now looking at the two extremely handsome boys who were making their way towards the pair. Everyone around them seemed to instinctively make way for the boys.

Speak of the bloody devil and he shall surely appear.

"Lily love, it's marvellous to see you, darling" drawled Sirius Black with that infamous smirk of his planted firmly on that angel like face of his. She was the only one that he called 'love'. None of his girlfriends were given such endearments either, much to their fury.

"Evans" said James Potter with a nod.

Lily blinked. Usually potter came up with some foolish way to ask her out when they met, especially on the first day of term. But this time he barely acknowledged her. Odd.

"Potter." Said Lily, trying to conceal her surprise.

There was an awkward pause. Remus was looking at his shoes, Potter was trying not to look at her and Sirius was looking everywhere to find a subject to talk spotted something shiny and badge like in her bag and immediately guessed what it was.

"Love, are you Head Girl?" he asked with a smirk.

She blushed and nodded, not knowing where this was and Remus burst out in laughter. "I should have known that" he said to himself. Once again, Lily had no idea what she was trying to say.

"What? What's wrong if I'm Head Girl and what's so bloody funny?"

Sirius wiped the tears that were rolling down his eyes.

"Guess who's head Boy?"

She was not in the mood to play his games.

"Who? You?' she asked tiredly.

"Close! Its ..Its...Its-"

"I'm Head Boy, Evans" said Potter calmly, throwing a look at Sirius who was now struggling to breath properly from laughing so much.

"Yeah." She snorted. "And I'm in love with Slughorn" she said sarcastically over her shoulder as she left the boys to look for her friends.

"You have your hands full with that one, Prongs." Said Sirius, as Remus burst out in laughter again, seeing James' dumbfound expression. The messy haired boy didn't say anything but merely stared at the retreating figure of the only girl who had ever challenged him. She was only girl that hated him, and the only girl he would ever love.

Lily found her friends Alice Marcel and Olivia Hendom in the very last compartment of the train. She plopped down next to Olivia and grabbed one of the chocolate frogs from Olly's hands. Popping it into her mouth, she looked at the card.

"Uh! Merlin again. For Christ's sake I already have about 5 of him."

"Well then maybe you should stop nicking other people's frogs" glared Olivia. But Lily merely ignored her.

"I ran into Potter" she said with disgust. Alice giggled. Lily glared back at her. "Not funny."

"Of course it is Lils" said Olivia, now reaching for some Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. "That boy's in love with you something fierce. All the girls that he dates, don't even last because he's so bloody stuck behind you."

"Did he try and ask you out again?"

"No Ally" the red head muttered. "He just said hi and then spouted some bull about him being Head Boy. AS IF Dumbledore would make him Head Boy." She scoffed

Alice and Olivia exchanged a glance.

"What?" demanded Lily.

"Lily, he IS Head Boy." Said Olivia slowly.

James Potter sighed for the fourth time after entering the compartment.

Peter and Sirius were playing a game of Exploding Snap while Remus had his head buried in a book as usual.

The messy haired bespectacled boy put his hand in his pocket and fished out his Head Boy badge. It was gold and shiny and seemed to weigh him down in more ways than one.

James didn't mind the fact that he had gotten this responsibility; he was actually flattered that Dumbledore had given him the responsibility. But would the students of Hogwarts be able to look past the fact that he was the resident prankster and perceive him as a leader.

He remembered the way Lily thought he was bluffing when he told her he was Head Boy.

As he was mulling over his thoughts, Alice and Olivia burst into the compartment, panting as if they had just run a marathon.

"Well, well. Look who the cat dragged in" drawled Sirius, looking up from his game for the first time.

Olivia Hendom and Alice Marcel two out of the five seventh years that belonged to Gryffindor. Alice emanated the innocent girl next door with her long black hair and big, blue eyes. She was very beautiful, but not like her friend Olivia. Olly, as she was called by her near and dear one, was a stunning blond with violet eyes. She knew she was good looking and flaunted it, but at the same time, she was the biggest tomboy of the year. But of course, according James, Lily was the most gorgeous girl in the world. With her long, shiny auburn hair and emerald green eyes, most of the boys in the school agreed him. And what probably added to her charm was the fact that she had absolutely no idea of the effect that she had on all of the males of the school.

"Lily is on a rampage" Alice sputtered. "She just realized that you are Head Boy James!"

Sirius laughed softly and Remus looked amused. But James got up and stretched. "Better go off and head her now, before she causes a wave of destruction."

"Too late for that now" said Olivia.

As he reached to open the compartment door, Peter called out "Where are you going Prongs?"

James looked at his watch and smiled. "To the Head's compartment. Its time for the prefect's meeting."

"More like time for the apocalypse to occur."

James entered the Head's compartment after Remus. Although he knew every nook and cranny of Hogwarts, throughout his 7 years, he had never bothered to find out where the Head's compartment was.

As soon as he entered, all eyes turned to him. The most steely of gazes belonged to one outrageous seventh year.

"Oh, the Head Boy has finally decided to join us" she remarked a little too coldly, according to James.

As soon as she said this sentence, the entire compartment burst out in whispers. James supposed that rumors had been spread about his apparent appointment as Head Boy, but Hogwarts had probably the biggest grapevine in England and all rumours were taken with a pinch of salt.

He took his seat next to Lily who refused to acknowledge his presence any further.

"As I was saying" she continued, "prefects are the role models not only for the first years, but for the rest of their house as well. Any wrongdoing by a prefect can cost you not only a nice chat with the Headmaster, but your badge as well. "

"As you know, prefects are allowed to take away points, but they have to be well reasoned-"

"That means you can't just take away points if your mate isn't completing Professor Binn's essay on the rise and fall of flobberworms for you" butted in James which caused a round of laughter among the students, especially the girls.

He had to admit, butting in like that wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do, but he never seemed to think quite straight around the red head.

But the look that the Head Girl gave Jams was enough to keep him quiet for the rest of the meeting. Finally, she dismissed the prefects, James stayed in the room, out of common courtesy but like he predicted, she didn't even look at him.

He exited the compartment after her and stayed a few paces behind her as they made their way towards the Gryffindor side of the train.

James wasn't paying much attention to where he was going, instead thinking of when the next full moon was going to be. It wouldn't be much longer, he reasoned, as Remus was already starting to look peaky and restless, just as he did before any full moon.

He was brought sharply back to earth, when he walked straight into a curtain of red hair. Fearing that he would get on Lily's bad side again, he opened his mouth to apologize.

But then he saw what caused Lily to stop in the first place. Huddled around a Gryffindor second year, were three burly Slytherins.

The poor twelve year old looked terrified to be in the midst of what looked like three trolls.

Lily shouted "What do you think you three are doing?" They ignored her.

"Hey!" she shouted. "Leave him alone!"

The taller one turned to her and grunted "We don't take orders from no one. Specially if she's a mudblood Head Girl" he spat.

All he saw was red.

Lily gasped as James whipped out his wand pointed it at the three boys. He pushed the trembling boy towards Lily and shouted "Expelliarmus!" disarming the other boys. Then he hurled himself towards the lone Slytherin who had called her a 'mudblood'.

"Give me reason" he said hoarsely, prodding his wand at his temple, while grabbing the front of his robes. "Give me a reason and I swear I'll bloody well curse you to the bottom of the Black Lake."

Lily's eyes widened. She grabbed the back of James' robes and pulled him off the now trembling Slytherin. As he regained his breath, the three boys ran off. "That's right you fucking cowards! Run off while you can!"

The poor second year winced, hearing the offensive language.

"What's your name sweetheart?" she asked him.

"Jeff" he replied slowly.

"Jeff, are you hurt? What did those other boys want?"

But he was so terrified that he didn't say anything more and Lily sent him back to his friends.

She then turned to James who had been sitting silently on the floor.

"What the hell were you thinking Potter?"

"That thug called you a 'mudblood'?

"So what? I'm bloody proud to be a mudblood!"

"Don't! Don't you dare demean yourself like that Lily!" he closed his eyes and seemed to be remembering something, thought Lily. When she looked at him closely, she saw signs of fatigue on him that had not been there the previous year. Then he opened his eyes. Those hazel orbs that had once lit up with mischief, anger and other emotions were now empty and hollow.

"It doesn't bloody matter Potter! Those boys are immature and selfish and stupid. It doesn't matter what they say!"

"Oh really Evans? What about when they grow up and become Death Eaters like their filthy parents? Will it matter then?"

"You can't just curse a student, especially a Slytherin just because their parent may be a Death Eater! That's not fair!" she screamed, almost reaching her limit.

But it seemed like he already had. His shoulders sagged and he spoke in a smaller voice. "Is it fair when so many people lose their loved one just in the name of blood? Is that fair Evans?' And then he turned on his heel and stomped away from Lily.

Lily had calmed down by the time she and her friends entered the Great Hall. The smell of the delicious food did also lift her spirits. The school had not changed in the few months that she had been away; it still smelled of grass and parchment and reminded of home. She took her place next to Alice with Olivia across the table and waited for the Sorting Ceremony to start, trying to put her argument with James out of her head.

"I hope there aren't many new students. I'm so hungry!" moaned Olivia, looking forlorn at the empty plate and goblet in front of her. "I don't get where all your food goes Olly, you're so thin!" complained Alice.

The Marauders entered the hall and sat down next to the girls. Lily looked at James, but he seemed to be steadily avoiding her gaze. Sirius, who was sitting next to her, put his hands around her shoulders. "So what else, love?"

She turned and met his gaze. "You tell me Sirius, how was your summer?"

"I finally ran away from home" he said smugly. "Got away from my sadistic mother and the rest of the family."

"Where did you go? You could have stayed with me. You know my parents love you." Lily demanded.

But Sirius looked away from her. "Stayed with James. There were some things I needed to clear out." He said finally. Lily remembered that at the end of the previous year, some fight seemed to have broken out within the marauders. Remus and James seemed to have been on one said, against Sirius. No one seemed to know what had happened. Sirius didn't even tell Lily about it. It was a taboo subject between them.

Just then, the new students padded into the hall. They were trembling slightly, but Lily didn't know if it was the voyage across the lake or the sheer majestic aura of the castle that intimidated them. Professor McGonagall was leading them, holding the black, frayed Sorting Hat and a scroll of parchment carrying the names of all the students.

As usual, the entire ceremony started off with a song from the Hat, who as usual, spoke about uniting the entire school to keep the dark forces haunting the country, away from the school. The sorting of the rest of the students followed this. Lily blocked out the ceremony and instead focused on what her friends were doing.

Sirius was attempting to flirt with a Hufflepuff girl who seemed to be a fifth year student. She was blushing madly, with all the attention that Sirius was giving her and her friends were also giggling softly. They couldn't be blamed thought Lily, Sirius, after all could be obnoxiously charming at times.

Remus and Alice were discussing this year's classes and how much they would need to study for the upcoming NEWTs. Peter was hanging onto Alice's every word, clearly enamoured by the black haired girl.

Olly, was staring at her reflection in her spoon, muttering about the number or 'tiny first years' there were this year and how much time it would take to sort them and start the feast.

James, however, was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. "What?" I demanded. He looked at me for a second more then looked down towards his plate and muttered "Nothing." Potter was really starting to creep me out.

Finally, Zoe Young was sorted into Ravenclaw and the Headmaster stood up to address us all.

"Good evening students!" he greeted, with a warm smile and his arms stretched out towards us. "Welcome to all our new students and welcome back to our old ones." He paused, surveying the room through his half moon spectacles. "Hurry up," muttered Olly.

"Although i have a great deal to say tonight, i doubt that anyone will truely listen to me, until their stomach is all full. So without further ado, let the feast begin!"

"Hear, hear!" cried Sirius and Olly, as mountains of food appeared on the golden plates and pumpkin juice filled all the goblets. Lily saw the eyes of the newbies widen as they saw the amount of food infront of them and she remembered her very first feast in the Great Hall. How things had changed since then. At that time, all she wanted to do was fit in and learn as much as she could. Now all she thought of was passing the NEWTs and what would happen to her after she left safety and security of the castle wall.

In the back of her head, she could still hear James' parting words.

"Is it fair when so many people lose their loved one just in the name of blood? Is that fair Evans?'


Those that review get Sirius Black with his hands around them, murmuring "Hello love" in their ear.