Greg had changed a lot from his wimpy ways in middle school, or at least that's what he told himself. He had started working out a couple weeks ago and was now not just a skinny dude, but he was slightly buff. By slightly, it meant he had gained 3 lbs of muscle. Even though he thought he was buff, he still looked as skinny to everyone else.
That was the thing about Greg, he accomplished something small in any area, and felt like he had mastered it. For example, he know proudly considered himself a gym rat and would proudly proclaim to everyone how he was trying to bulk up, and talk to them about his diet. Speaking about his diet, Greg was now vegetarian, and because of this, considered himself better than everyone.
He would always brag about being vegetarian, and whenever he was out in public he would always raise a stink about himself being vegetarian. Whenever people would compliment him on being vegetarian he would feel so smug. This was especially the case when someone would say, "It must be so hard being vegetarian". Sometimes when there was sarcasm Greg wouldn't pick up on it. He always would feel so accomplished thinking it's so hard to be vegetarian, and I am vegetarian, so I'm a hard worker. What Greg didn't realize is that any idiot could become vegetarian.
In addition, he considered himself an accomplished producer, what that meant was that he torrented Ableton, and created a shitty beat, adding a drum loop sample, and some random notes from one of the MIDI instrument presets in about 5 minutes. He uploaded this to soundcloud, and kept repeating this process until he got to 10 followers, each of his tracks having less than 10 plays. His soundcloud was titled Cathartic Diocletian, he picked it cause the acronym was CD, but felt so smart for picking it, because he thought it sounded high-brow and made him seem intelligent. After he had gotten to 10 followers he loudly proclaimed in his room, "ESKEEEEDIT! I'M THE NEXT KANYE WEST!"
Due to his lack of a social life, he spent many hours on Soundcloud, Reddit and Youtube everyday learning useless trivia like Lil Turd's bathroom slipper's birthday as well as information about Lil Pump's cousin's rap career. This also led him to look down on people who didn't waste their lives away learning this useless trivia. For example, he would rudely barge in on conversations with people talking about music and ask questions like, "Do you know who ITSOKTOCRY is?" If they hadn't have happened to heard of him, Greg would scoff and in his mind think that they were posers and he was better than them. If they did, and they knew more artists than Greg, Greg would try to brush it off and would nervously chuckle.
In addition, he thought that just because he dressed like a hypebeast with the palace he bought using his mom's credit card, he thought he could mask his wimpishness and ugliness, but it unfortunately did not work. He considered himself a streetwear connoisseur and was even trying to start his own clothing line "Pig's Fly", but he never got around to it, because he had no ability to set goals or time management.
In addition, Greg had started studying ahead for his classes, and would be an ass about it, always trying to flex in class, and pissing everyone off. What Greg was too stupid to realize, even though he was ironically now book-smart, was he could keep studying ahead and actually get smart by learning things outside of school and useful things instead of just a flexing idiot.
Greg also wrote short stories, which had horrible grammar, and were crudely violent and graphic. Greg thought this made him "hard" and would always laugh to himself and think he was so brave for writing stories that were so violent. He would always laugh when he read the reviews and think he was the best because he was writing such stories. He brought some of his cleaner writings to the local writing studio one time, because he was too much of a wimp to be open about his writings (his greatest fear was that someone would expose him), and because the people there didn't get paid enough they said it was good. However one time, one person told him the truth. Greg got so mad on the inside, but was too wimpy too show it. When he walked home gritting his teeth and blasting some xxxtentacion from his phone, however he was still sweating because he felt people were judging him for playing music, and he was scared he would get in trouble for playing swears. He was a sweaty mess when he got home, and he resolved to write a violent story based on the fantasy of him getting revenge on the person criticizing his writing. He pulled out his headphones and started playing some Lucki and xxxtentacion and thought he was so cool and hard for listening to such artists. He was too lazy to finish his writing so he went and did something else.
However the worst part of Greg was his wimpishness, he thought others would pity him for it, and so he actually ended up writing a story, like this one, exposing himself, but didn't publish it. He fantasized that once people read it, they would pity him or something.
Now that the full extent of Greg's degeneracy has been revealed, we can get on with the story.
It was a day at school and Greg was in senior year, he somehow managed to survive this long with his degeneracy. He had very few friends, and those that he did have only were friends out of politeness.
Greg had the unusual habit of trying to suck up to his teachers. In his math class he participated a lot always yelling out answers and flexing his advance knowledge. The teacher played along and somehow appreciating it and got to know Greg's name in front of the whole class. Greg felt really proud, and in his head though, "ESKEEDIT! I got hella clout everyone loves me", but he was still turning red, body temperature going up, and sweating due to embarrassment, wimp that he is. He didn't realize that half the people in the room didn't care what was going on, future CEO's and businessman, and the other half just rolled their eyes and Greg's stupid flexing antics, these people would still end up being more successful than Greg.
Greg left the room feeling good and went to his next class history. He repeated flexing but the teacher didn't care this time. After class he left the room and paced outside the door a couple times too scared to go in the room, and flex to the teacher in person. He was thinking, "Man my flexing didn't work in class and my teacher didn't know my name, maybe if I flex in person, he'll get to know me". Greg walked in, knocked and the teacher looked up and motioned for Greg to come in.
"What can I help you with?" the teacher asked.
Greg asked him some history hypothetical, the details of which are useless to know. The teacher then succinctly answered Greg's question and asked why Greg would even need to know this before dismissing Greg. Greg walked out of the room his eyes burning with shame, ready to cry. Greg's stupid mission of flexing to get the teacher to know Greg had failed and even though a normal person would have been satisfied that their question was answered, Greg the kiss-ass flexer that he was, was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Greg walked into a bathroom stall sobbing, and watched youtube videos for his free period, wasting his life and mind away with useless trivia, such as the contents of deleted Filthy Frank videos. These videos were a form of mental masturbation, whenever he watched a Lil Pump video, Xxxtentacion interview, etc., he imagined himself as as cool as them and this fueled his destructive and baseless superiority complex.
The next class Greg had that day was physics, and Greg was ready to flex once again, re-fueled by the knowledge that maybe if he talked like xxxtentacion, he could be as popular as him. While in class, Greg answered most of the questions, and there was one point when a student who Greg didn't recall asked a question that Greg found particularly stupid since he had advanced knowledge. The kid in question had severe eczema which was the only distinguishing factor about him. Greg explained the answer to the kid's question to the kid, and the kid replied with a succinct "I know." Greg's mind exploded with rage.
The interesting thing about this situation is that here we have two kiss-ass flexers battling it out, on one side we have the wimp and on the other side we have eczema kid. Nobody wants either one to win, but they can't stop themselves for finding out.
Greg was gritting his teeth and was infuriated. "THAT BITCH!", he screamed in his head, "I FUCKING EXPLAINED IT TO HIM! FUCKING ECZEMA PRETENTIOUS KNOW-IT-ALL ASSWIPE!" Ironically, Greg didn't realize a lot of people shared this opinion about him.
After class Greg was overtaken by an actionable impulse, one that was unusual for a beta like himself. Greg said to eczema, "Hey! That was rude..."
Eczema grabbed Greg's shirt and said, "You want to catch these hands nigga!". Eczema was not black or even brown by the way, he was asian. Even though Eczema was a full head and a half shorter than Greg, Greg was so pussy he just stood there sweating.
Eczema slapped his hands together onto Greg's cheek and began digging his nails into Greg's cheeks. "ANSWER ME NIGGA!" Eczema screamed infuriated. Eczema looked the picture of an angry nerd, red flushed skin with veins showing, sweat on his glasses, and his eyes were red with rage.
Eczema hit Greg with a right hook and Greg toppled over. Greg was so wimpy, he would let any fool dominate him. Greg tried to stand up and Eczema stomped his face. Greg saw stars, and then Eczema kicked him in the head, balls, and stomach-stomped him in quick succession. Eczema walked away then turned around and spat on Greg's face. "Fuck outta here pussy nigga!" he bellowed before continuing to walk.
Greg began sobbing and then threw up all over himself. Greg went to the nurse but was too wimpy to confess how he had gotten his ass handed to him, and said he had fallen down the stairs. Greg was sent home, and took a shower to wash off the blood and vomit. Then he began sobbing and wasted hours into the late night learning useless trivia on Youtube and Soundcloud.
Such is the life of a wimpy kid.
THE END
