A/N: This fic is dedicated to two individuals in my Free Company without whom this never could have been written.

Thanks Soulless Moon for encouraging me to write this while drunk off your ass. The time I spent writing this in the wee hours of morning were definitely worth it. And thanks Linky Thecat, for crying for three days straight after this was finished. Your tears were delicious.

Is this low-quality compared to what I usually put out? Yeah, pretty much. Is this mostly injokes, and thus not really suitable for this site? Yeah. Do I care? Not really :V


Somecallthisahouse, Mist, La Noscea

A new dawn rose upon the headquarters of the BSCFC. With a groan, Linky sat up in his bed and stretched. His room was located in the basement of the house, as was appropriate for the Free Company's resident Moogle fetishist, so he couldn't see the sun as it rose above the horizon. However, his keenly honed Moogle instincts told him all he needed to know: it was morning, and it was time to get up. These instincts were especially keenly honed, since he wasn't actually a Moogle, but rather, a Miqo'te in a fursuit. He turned toward his forty-eight stuffed Moogles and grinned.

"Good morning, family!" he said with a kupolicious cheer. The plush Mogs did not respond.

He hopped out of bed, grabbing his Summoner grimoire as he headed toward the door. Today was a very special day in the BSCFC, as they were finally going to take on Sephirot EX Savage Fatality Mode, the new 108-man raid that had been added in the previous night's patch. Naturally, there were already parties up in Party Finder trying to take it on themselves, but none of those farm parties had the most important element for success: a poofy plush Moogle Mascot and his best friend Ifrit.

Feeling a craving for kupo nuts, Linky stepped out of his room and down the hall. The lights were out, but he could hear the slight sound of water running nearby. Suddenly, it stopped, and the door opened up in front of him, sending out a great cloud of steam. Linky drew back, gasping at the figure, and then his face suddenly went flush.

"S-S-S-Soulless?!" Linky cried out.

The Miqo'te man was completely nude, save for a towel wrapped around his waist to protect his dignity. Rivulets of water ran down his chest, accenting his perfectly carved muscles. He flicked his tail back and forth, so as to shake water away from them.

"I thought I smelled kupo nuts," Soulless said. "What are you doing up so earl-"

"STUPID! BAKA! KUSO!"

Linky flung a bundle of kupo nuts into Soulless' face and broke off running up the stairs, tripping over Fenix's AFK body on his way out the front door. Since Fenix was AFK, he didn't respond, nor did he see Linky flying off in his Fat Moogle mount into the sunrise.


When Fenix finally came back online, Soulless was standing in the front yard, still wearing nothing but a towel, and scanning the skies for their missing Moogle.

"Come on, hot stuff, show yourself already..." Soulless murmured under his breath.

"Hot stuff?!" Fenix cried out. "No, no no no no no. We are not doing this."

"Yes we are."

"I'm not approving this."

"I already bought the Chocobo."

"No."

"And the lube."

"You are not fucking the mascot!" Fenix cried out.

"YOU CAN'T DENY OUR HOT MOOGLE LOVE, FENIX."


Moghome, The Churning Mists

Linky sat in a fetal position in the bowels of Moghome, his face all aflush still. He couldn't get the image of Soulless' sculpted abs out of his head, the rivulets of water down his nipples frozen into his mind. Every time his mind wandered to Soulless' face, he felt a funny feeling down in his fuzzy trousers. When he thought of his fluffy tail, his pom-pom became erect. He buried his face into his knees. He didn't know what to do with these feelings.

There was no way he was in love with Soulless. He was a dumb, stinky, Miqo'te and he definitely didn't want to jump his bones or anything like that.

"My child, what has you all a-puff?"

Linky looked up and gasped. The Chieftain himself was floating above him, supported by a palanquin of about fifty much smaller Moogles. He raised his staff, and Linky rose to his feet.

"Tell me your troubles, strange ugly Moogle."

And so Linky told him what had happened this morning. The Chieftain frowned, seemingly deep in thought, and finally spoke up.

"It sounds to me like you want to [REDACTED] his [TOO HOT FOR FANFICTION DOT NET] behind the Chocobo stables while he [NOT WRITING THIS] your [VERY NAUGHTY THINGS]."

Linky gasped, and flushed red again. "I-I definitely d-do not want to! But Chieftain, what should I do?!"

"My son. First, you should probably go do that Sephirot EX Savage Fatality Mode learning party you signed up for and not be a flaky little shit," the Chieftain said. "Second, you should go find your love, tell him exactly how you feel, and then [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP] his [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]. And then marry him."

"Oh shit, that's right. I was supposed to tank that," Linky said. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-"

And Linky dashed off toward the Aetheryte, a string of fucks echoing throughout the Churning Mists as he ran away.


Containment Bay #80085

Well, fuck my life, thought Soulless as he looked over a sea of dead children. Devin, who had somehow not died yet, had the "disconnecting" icon next to his name, marking him as "thoroughly useless". There were no tanks alive. Sephirot had basically wiped about a hundred people out of an entire raid. Oh yeah, and Soulless was the only healer left.

And now there was a giant fist coming toward him.

Well, this is it, Soulless thought. My only regret is that I never did get a piece of that hot Moogle booty...

"ST-STUPID!"

A shield came flying into the scene, smacking the fist away from Soulless' face. And then, out of nowhere, came a figure wrapped in shining armor, fully covered except for his head, showing a white fluffy moogle mask and a red pom-pom.

"Linky!" Soulless cried out.

"Don't think this means you mean anything to me! BAKA!" Linky cried out as he hopped into the fray, swinging his sword at Sephirot and gathering all of the aggro.

"God bless you, you tsundere moogle!" Soulless cried. The Limit Break gauge reached three full bars of yellow, and Soulless lifted his book into the air, an explosion of aether suddenly bringing everyone back to life. With a loud, speaker-shattering roar, the entire raid was back on its feet, and in a series of anticlimatic minutes, Sephirot was dead.

With tears and cries of joy, Soulless ran into Linky's arms.

"It was about time! Where the hell were you!"

"H-Hey! I didn't tell you you could touch me!" Linky said.

"Shut up and kiss me, Mogman!"

And at that moment, Linky decided pretending to be tsundere wasn't worth it anymore, and they made out in front of everyone. At the moment their lips met, Fenix decided to Repelling Shot right off the edge of the battlefield.


Sanctum of the Twelve, East Shroud, The Black Shroud

"Dearly beloved, we have met here today to join man and Moogle in holy matrimony-"

Fenix grumbled. He stood next to Soulless, having led him up the aisle. This was not how he imagined his week going. He definitely hadn't imagined that he would end up facilitating horrific Moogle and Miqo'te loving. And he definitely didn't want to advertise this on the FC site, which he'd ended up doing anyways because he was a good leader. Fuck his life.

Linky blushed in his tuxedo, not quite able to meet Soulless' eye as the Moogle minister read through their vows. He couldn't believe his luck. How could someone so handsome be in love with him? It was inconceivable.

"...If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"OH, I OBJECT-"

"No one cares, Fenix!" yelled someone from the crowd. The entire Free Company had gathered to see Soulless and Linky's wedding. There was not a dry eye in the crowd as the two went up in the altar, as everyone in the FC except Fenix had been in support of their union, and was super glad to see their OTP come to fruition. The Crafting Team had even made T-Shirts commemorating the affair.

"Well, if there's no further objections... make out you two!" the Moogle said, throwing its Bible in the air.

Linky and Soulless joined hands, looking deep into each other's eyes.

"You know I'm just marrying you for the Chocobo," Linky said.

"Shut up and kiss me, you dumb moog."

They drew close together, white wings of light appearing from their backs as they floated into the air. And as their lips met, the room was filled with a great light. Linky's eyes closed, and he leaned in, draping his arms around Soulless' shoulders.

And then, two of them made out super hard in front of everyone, and it was great.