I was bored. I had a computer. Thus, this story was born. Review because you just love my energetic personality…seriously review.
Hi, I'm Project Phoenix Agent 003, but since that takes freaking forever to type, I'll go with my common alias Erin. Despite the warnings of various Percy Jackson and the Olympians characters, we all wish were demigods at some point. Well that is, if you're not some crazed Twilight fan who wants to be a vampire and date Edward (or Bella if you're a guy). Anyway, where was I?
Oh yes, we all wish we were demigods sometimes. But do you think you could survive? Of course you do. Well the truth is you can't. Not without reading this guide anyway! We're going to go over the basics, advanced, and expert rules of surviving life as a half-blood. So as they say in Mario: LET'S A GO!
Rule #1: Every demigod needs a rival.
Connor was slammed into the wall repeatedly by Clarisse, who was seething with anger.
"OW! OW! OW!" was all he seemed capable of uttering. Travis might have helped, but he was busy being pulled by the ears by Katie Gardner. And of course, Percy and Luke were dueling to the death over who got the last slice of pizza.
Rule #2: When insulting a monster, it's best NOT to bring their mother into things.
"Yo mama's fat!" Percy shouted at the Chimera, just for kicks.
"Excuse me?" Enchinda hissed.
"Oh…crap."
Rule #3: Know when you've met you're match.
Nico raised his arms up proudly as the other half-bloods he'd been fighting hobbled off doubled over in pain.
"Who's next?" he asked confidently.
Thalia walked up to him, hand raised.
"You sure you wanna lose Pinecone Face?" Nico asked.
Within seconds Thalia had him in an agonizing arm bar. Nico yelped in pain, slapping the ground to signal a tap out.
Rule #4: Beware romance. The guys tend to be stupid, and the girls tend to be violent.
"So Percy, could you…come help me look for my laptop?" Annabeth winked. "I think I left it in my cabin. You know, the one that's completely empty of people right now?"
Percy was still reading his Game Informer magazine, not moving. "I'm sure it's on the self where you left it.
Annabeth huffed and shoved him out of his chair. He hit the ground hard with a cry, and when he tried to get up, Annabeth whacked him upside the head.
Rule #5: NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ask Rachel a question.
"Hey Rachel, do you know what their serving for breakfast in the dining pavilion?" a camper asked.
"The little porker who trusted the man
Slaughtered and beaten to be turned into ham
The unborn chicken was roasted alive
To feed the youth and help them strive."
"Um, I'll just order out."
Rule #6: Note: Monsters in mirror are uglier than they appear.
The five half-bloods cowered as Medusa approached. One of them held out their iPhone to view her reflection.
"That's Medusa?" the boy asked. "She's not that ugly, I think we can look at her."
"No don't!" his friend shouted, but it was too late. The boy turned to look at Medusa and turned to stone.
"Idiot."
Rule #7: Insult the satyr, pay the price.
"Hey!" the new camper shouted. "You're one of those…donkey things!"
The satyr promptly kicked the campers lights out.
Rule #8: Avoid attention, or you end up as an OOC OC in some person's fanfic.
"Ugh, they portrayed me all wrong. They even got my name wrong."
Her friend looked at her perplexed. "Then how do you know it's you?"
"I don't I just wish it was. I DESERVE SOME ATTENTION!"
Rule #9: Never lose your weapon, shield, or sense of direction.
"What are you so upset about?" she asked. "We've been in worse situations before."
"When?" he shouted. "A bunch of monsters are coming to kill us, we have no weapons, and I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to be in RUSSIA!"
"I was wondering why Hawaii was so cold…"
"We're doomed."
Rule #10: Know how to make an entrance.
As the monsters closed in around Percy, the doors burst open to reveal Nico ready to fight. The monsters spun to face him, but a second later they were facing the sky as the roof exploded and Thalia glided in, riding the air.
Percy looked at Nico. "You're entrance was good…hers was better."
That's all for now. Come back later to view the next ten rules to being a demigod. Until then, I think I'll make a sandwich, prop up a chair, and stare at the wall. Good day to you sirs and ma'ams.
