Warning: some OOCness (which means character's personalities may be a bit stray from the normal canon), and language

A/N: So, this was originally gonna be a one-shot, but I decided to spread the story out a bit. Once again, Damian may be a bit OOC, but I hope not too much. This is an attempt at humor, so here we go.


"Grayson! Grayson! GRAYSON…"

The shrill, panicked voice of a twelve-year-old rang through the halls of Wayne Manor, immediately reaching the ears of Dick Grayson. The young man nearly fell backwards off the bar stool he had been perched on in the kitchen as the owner of the cries entered full speed into the kitchen. Face flushed, eyes uncharacteristically wide with a strange amount of anxiety and panic, Damian Wayne slid to a cattle-pony stop in front of his adopted brother, clearly out of breath.

"Whoa, Dami, settle down." Dick suppressed a smile, which became easier when he noticed the worry laced in the younger boy's expression. "What's wrong?"

"You've got to help me, before Father comes home." The words came out in a quick flurry, and Dick straightened with anxiety as he realized just how strange his brother was acting, the child's usual sarcasm and arrogance having disappeared as if by magic. "What's going on…"

"I'm wanted for murder!"

Dick blinked, frowning deeply. It had been two years since the son of Bruce Wayne (Batman) took on the mantle as Robin, and everyone had been reassured with the fact that it seemed Damian had given up his former, violent ways in hopes of a more reasonable approach. Apparently, not. "H-How?! Dami, why were you even out in costume during the day…"

"I wasn't!"

Oh no. "What…"

"Just let me explain!" In a matter of ten seconds, Damian pulled over a stool and jumped onto it. Dick forced down growing impatience and decided to let the little Wayne tell his story.

"Okay," he started. "I was on my way back from the drug store, and I'd just purchased some of those delightful delicacies you call candy, and that's when I noticed the crowd.

It seemed strange that such a large gathering would occur during the rush hour, so I went over to investigate. It turned out that the mayor was having some sort of meeting thingy. He'd been speaking on a stage, and then he was walking through the crowd with his guards. He was shaking peoples hands and such.

So I was watching near the end of the whole crowd, when he was side by side me. Then, the clumsy oaf swung his hand straight into my face, nearly breaking my nose. He didn't even apologize, just kept on walking, and then I said some things."

Dick quirked an eyebrow, a dead feeling pooling in his gut. "What things?"

"… Not very polite things. I mean, they weren't too bad, but they were enough to make the body guards turn around just like the Flash and approach me angrily…"

"What THINGS, Dami?"

Damian shifted on his seat uncomfortably. "It could've been any number of things? 'You stupid, irrational fool', or 'Are you just gonna walk away, you...', um, I'd better not finish that one. Oh, and… uh… there may have been some death threats…"

"Oh god, Dami…"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault! Even after the guards threw me out of the rally, he didn't apologize! Anyway, I ended up wandering around the park for a while, you know, just blowing off steam by chucking rocks into that stupid pond. After a half hour, I may or may not have started feeling guilty…"

Dick couldn't help feel a bit relieved that the miniature assassin was clearly gaining a better conscious then formerly.

"…yeah, okay, I felt bad about what I said. Mention this to Todd or Drake and I will put you in a body cast for months. Anyway, I felt like I should, I dunno, maybe, um, I thought I should apologize." He scowled but went on. "I swear, Grayson, you're making me soft. Or it was the unhealthy yet invigorating nutrients in the delicacies, I dunno. But I felt I should apologize to the moron, get things cleared up. Let's say I did it for Father's reputation.

So, I went to his office, but his secretary told me he left already. So I went to his mansion. But his dumb guards wouldn't let me in. So, I snuck through a window…"

"What?! Dami, are you crazy?!"

Damian grimaced. "It gets worse.

So, I snuck through a window – security was a piece of cake to crack. And I was doing it for a good cause, right? Thought I'd make Father pleased or whatever. So I snuck through, but I ended up cutting some of my gloves on the red lasers set up in the hall. So I took them off.

And that's when I saw the mayor's door cracked open. I thought, 'okay, that's kinda weird', so being a good citizen, I went to go check it out. And that's when I saw the blood."

Dick froze. "Blood?"

"Lots of it. All over the place. On the walls, on the rugs, the desk, the window…"

"What happened, Dami?!"

"The mayor was killed! And I swear, Grayson, it wasn't me! He was already dead, and he was lying on the ground, and there was this sword in 'im.

And, you know what? The sword looked JUST like the ones I have in my room, and the one Mother trained me with, you know? It was so weird, and I was kind of being stupid and all that. So I walked over and just, you know, picked it up to make sure it wasn't actually MINE." At this point, Damian was giving nervous laughs. "Turns out, it wasn't! But, uh, see, I forgot I didn't have any gloves…"

"Oh my god…"

"Shut up and let me finish! So, I wasn't wearing any gloves, and this was bad. So I grabbed some tissues to wipe off my prints, and knocked over a vase. It shattered, and I tried to clean it up, but then I slipped on that guys BLOOD and I fell in the stuff. Gross. And as I got back up I slipped forward and hit the desk again, and this time a plant went flying.

So yeah, by this time, the place is a complete disaster, and I'm trying to clean it up and I'm thinking 'oh god, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad'. And that's when I saw the security cameras, which…" Another strangled chuckle. "…taped EVERYTHING! Or at least, the parts where I was holding the sword and slipping in the dead body's blood and all that stuff.

That's when the COPS showed up."

"…"

"Yeah, so, the cops came. They told me to freeze, and I obeyed! I did! They came forward, and one of them grabbed my wrists. And Grayson, they were trying to HANDCUFF me! Like that would work! And something just ticked off in my head, I don't know what, and I ducked and darted under his legs. And see, his gun was just hanging there loosely in his holster – they really should secure those more because a two-year-old could get his grubby little hands on those things. So, some survival drive was controlling me by then, and I grabbed his gun, and I just started backing up, backing up…

…um…

I mean, come on! Why'd that other cop have to pull out HIS gun?! Cause, man, that got me all nervous!

So he pulled out his gun, and I was just panicking, man. My mind was blank and my fingers starting doing all these weird twitchy movements that they do when I was nervous and I didn't look at where I was pointing that stupid thing I was just FREAKING OUT…"

"Damian, you shot a cop?!"

"Did I say there was only one other cop there? Because that's wrong."

A deep part of Dick told him to get up and walk away, right then and there, but some strangled manner of curiosity kept him focused on the boy before him. "…Why? How many were there?" He was afraid to wonder.

Damian's silence sent his heart skipping. "Five?"

"…"

"Ten?"

"…"

"Damian?!"

"There was only twenty! Okay?! Twenty showed up after the, um, after the first shots were fired. But I didn't kill anyone! I got him in the knee, and even that was an accident!

So, after that cop went down, I just turned around and RAN. I bolted out of there so fast, oh my god, and I may or may not have knocked down some maids and one of them fell down the stairs – I'm sure she's okay! And there's shouting and more gunshots and I'm on auto-pilot now, man! I run down there and I bolt out a window and I'm running down some alleys with blood and probably half of GPD breathing down my neck.

And then I see this guy in an alley, and he's got TWO of those swords that look like mine! He looks like a freaking ninja, Grayson, I'm telling you! And I just knew that he was the guy who killed the mayor, so I chased him, thinking I could get him to confess and all that good stuff. We ran and tussled, and he ended up running for a warehouse off the edge of Gotham."

"You stayed out of sight, right?"

"…"

Oh no, this story isn't getting any better…

"I didn't stay hidden, okay?! I thought I could take them all!"

"So what, you just ran in there, grabbed a sword, and started cutting through them?"

"No…"

"Oh, thank god."

"…no, see, I still had the GUN."


Wanna here the rest of Damian Wayne's story? Comment and leave a review (though haters will be locked in a room with the Joker). Constructive criticism is welcome, and favorites/follows don't do any damage either!

A/N 2: For those of you following my story Blink of an Eye, updates will be posted soon! All those in my "Star Wars" fandom, thank you for being so patient for updates, I'm working on those as well.

A/N 3: FOR TEEN TITANS FANS - If you all are a fan of the TV animated series "Teen Titans" and are in the mood for an adventurous fanfiction, then check out the story Teen Titans: Annual Super Hero Assessments, written by Appel Bougher. Read about how Dick Grayson was adopted by Bruce Wayne, trained, and took on the mantel as Robin, then he must compete in a month long challenge to prove he is worthy of being a superhero in the TASA's.