Detective Skywarp:

And the Mystery of the Weirdin' Out Trine-Mate

(case 1.)

(part 1.)

Brilliant title, I know.

Silly little fic cuz I need to write something as I'm having trouble writing my main story. No clue where this will go.

~Enjoy?

~~VwV~~

Needless to say, Skywarp was offended when Starscream abruptly, and quite unexpectedly, entirely stopped reacting to his pranks and obnoxious attempts to get a rise out of him (which he virtually always succeeded in doing). He had figured, at first, that perhaps this was just a once...now twice...okay thrice time thing that would go away. No doubt his Trine-Leader was simply trying to agitate and strike back at him for all the hilarious jokes he had pulled! But prank after prank, jump-scare after classic snake-in-the-magnifier, the most reaction he ever received was a disapproving scowl.

"You're probably just loosing you're touch." Sniggered Frenzy one afternoon fallowing yet another attempt at scaring his Trine-Mate. Starscream had, of course, merely glowered at the twitching organic piles on the floor that'd been dropped from the ceiling, some still shrieking in pain, and merely carried on.

"Yeah! You've played out all your tricks, an' Screamer knows 'em." Rumble chimed in mockingly.

Skywarp glared, making sure to stuff extra cobras in their berths that night.

Weeks sped by, and Skywarp was beginning to panic. Was Starscream really immune to his pranks? Was this the end of a life-time of run-on jokes? Was he going to have to find a new full-time victim to terrorize?! The thought was too horrible to even consider. So, notably, all his determination was thrown into making Screamer scream.

But despite all his efforts, despite all the party-gloop Energon cubes, despite all the slime-tastic lab jobs, despite all the Unicron-mask jump scares, NOTHING!

Everyone was beginning to seriously poke fun of him, especially one particularly dull morning when he'd attempted to publicly humiliate the intrepid Seeker.

Starscream had calmly rose from his seat, wiped his station clean of whatever had been in that box Swindle had pawned for him for a couple of rust sticks, and proceeded to hand out condescendingly disappointed looks to anyone who spared him a curious glance.

After that, Starscream's behaviour was officially deemed...unnerving.

Skywarp shuddered, shrugging off the vexing laughs fallowing him down the corridor as he hurried to his quarters. Teleportation wasn't going to be an option for another two cycles, seeing as, since one of his latest pranks had "destroyed" (seriously, it wasn't that bad) the Decepticon's newest dooms-day devise, Megatron had ordered Soundwave to administer a statis-bracket that blocked his Sigma ability; forcing him to walk everywhere like some Grounder. The indignity! 'Course he'd been thoroughly warned that if he made an attempt to remove it, Soundwave would know, and more time would be added to his sentence.

Starscream had scolded him that he had gotten off easy.

When he reached his room, locking the door behind him and moving quickly towards the couch, he took a seat and drew a deep intake, grimacing as he realized he'd have to do what he hated more than anything in the entire universe.

Think.

"True artists must suffer for their profession." Skywarp muttered to himself sadly, leaning back into the cushion-y surfacing and propping his pedes up on the low-table. There was no escaping it if he wanted to scare Starscream senseless. A proper plan must be formed and executed flawlessly if things were to get back on track again, and Skywarp would accept nothing less.

So, with the utmost difficulty, he made a face as he forced his processor to begin plotting. Usually, his tricks were spontaneous acts of genius, but not this time. This was thought-out genius.

Around an hour and a half later, Skywarp was wearing a delightfully devilish grin, peering down at his masterpiece of drawn plans, optics beady and evil. It was so simple, it was perfection.

Knowing that it'd be another two days before the bracket was removed, (and admittedly not possessing the patience to wait the designated time) the purple Seeker gathered all the necessary materials needed, trudging back to his quarters as inconspicuously as possible to assemble what he could before moving on.

Having memorized Starscream's typical schedule and habits many, many vorns ago, Skywarp had no trouble breaking into his Trine-Leader's quarters for literally maybe the millionth time. He had an easy twenty minutes to kill after finally accessing the code panel and stepping casually inside anyways.

Leisurely, he began setting up his trap, the same maniacal face-breaking smile starting to slowly creep back onto his features as he progressed. This was going to be awesome! Starscream would never see it coming! He'd be frightened out of his mind!

Chuckling wickedly, Skywarp stepped back as he finished the first half, admiring his handy work and giving it a test run (just in case anything was misplaced). When he found (non to his surprise) all was pristine and well in order, he grabbed the container squished with one of Starscream's most hated features of Earth, and climbed up to the domed ceiling, resting his frame flat against one of the arching support beams.

And waited.

And waited.

Aaaaaand waited.

The whole of four minutes.

Finally, after an ETERNITY, Skywarp heard the most wonderful sounds: the hiss of the door sliding back. Now, he just needed Starscream to step into position...

Too quick! Skywarp could hear his pedesteps moving rapidly towards his berth in the corner, and could just make his shape...trembling violently.

The semi-hidden Seeker frowned, confused. What in the world...? He watched, awkwardly tilting his helm to acquire an easier look, as Starscream hastily reached under his berth, seized a small container, and whipped back up. He dropped his aft on the berth, digits fumbling as he worked to unscrew the cap of the container, wings perked high in a stressful fashion.

There was a pop, and a small pile of greenish...somethings fell into his shaking servo. Before Skywarp could catch a better picture of them though, Starscream had tossed his helm back, swallowing them all at once.

Almost immediately he ceased trembling, expression going distant as he lazily replaced the cap, dropping the container on the ground seconds later as he fell back on his berth, unconscious.

Timidly, Skywarp quietly descended from his hiding place, placing the box of squirming arachnids on the floor and moving slowly towards his Trine-Leader.

He was out cold.

Optics wide, Skywarp starred perplexedly down at the loosely-closed container. Was...was Starscream on crystalshine?

...

Nah! He couldn't be! ...Right? Megatron was incredibly strict about the no-narcotics rule. Sure, a few slipped by occasionally, but there was no way on Cybertron, Earth or other Starscream was an...an...addict.

Just no fragging way.

...But...just to be sure...

Optics narrowed, he snatched up the container, only to discover none of whatever Starscream had taken remaining. With a frown he dialled up his olfactory sensors, searching for the trademark scent crystalshine always left behind.

Nothing.

Okay so not crystalshine. His gaze glanced to Starscream. But that didn't mean it wasn't something else.

Pacing, Skywarp (for the second bloody time that day) started to think. As of late, Starscream's behaviour had been strange. A change had occurred, and it wasn't subtle either. All at once, Starscream had started acting differently, so that must have been the time he began using whatever was altering him. So what was it, and where did it come from? There hadn't been any shipments or traversing to or from Cybertron at the time of the mood shift, so perhaps it was something he had cooked up.

Skywarp stilled, eyeing the sleeping Seeker suspiciously.

What have you been up to?

An annoyed grunt breaking from his vocalizer, Skywarp dragged himself over to a chair and plopped himself down.

So-

Pling!

Skywarp's optics blinked.

Uh oh.

A splash of crystallizing, clumpy solvent slapped across his helm, forcing his gaze to snap to the left.

Ping, pong, plink!

Splat! A dose of H2o washed over his faceplate.

Bing!

Bounce! Skywarp's gaze flung upwards as he chin was struck with a ball. He starred at the ceiling, almost expecting to be showered in the creepy spiders the Stunticons had so graciously gathered for him a little whiles back in exchange for all the latest games for their X-Box. (On account that they weren't aloud to go into any human settlements because of a certain cowardice incident during a crucial mission, they couldn't fetch them themselves. They were picky about which of course, so Skywarp just grabbed everything at the "EBEEE Games" and hoped it would suffice. It did.)

Luckily though, Skywarp could only Teleport – not conjure clones of himself. And he sighed in relief as he remained spider-free.

A couple of hours later Skywarp was laying on his berth, frame waxed and cleaned. Ending up a victim of his own brilliance was never a fun experience, but it did occur from tine to time, and he'd learned to deal with it.

'Sides, he thought, there are larger problems afoot. Those of course being the issue of his Trine-Leader and what he was going to do about this.

It was clear something was wrong. Under regular circumstances, Skywarp would've happily stepped aside and allow Starscream to continue on whatever self-destructive path that lead him straight into Megatron's wrath, and Primus knew Screamer needed to lighten up, but this...addiction was interfering with Skywarp's life, upsetting the natural order and all. And that was just wrong.

So it was also clear that something must be done about this. Fast.

Frowning, Skywarp sat up. But where to start? Well, Thundercracker would probably tell him (after much pestering and whining) to look at a problem, and take steps to tackle it.

So what was the first step in this crisis?

Skywarp bolted upright. "Of course!" he grinned, priding himself at coming to such a clever answer so quickly.

It was obvious! He needed to go undercover!

He giggled evilly, scheming as he glanced about his quarters, plotting. The first step was to discover what, exactly, Starscream was on, and to do that he would first have to find out the source.

Grinning in light of his genius, Skywarp collected himself as he started heading down to the rec. room. Every mission starts somewhere.

~~U_u~~

And I guess this one ends here? I dunno... I dunno what this even is! Is this crack? Someone tell me if this is crack. I seriously can't tell because I can't write crack, and I'd see it as an accomplishment if I managed. O,O

Soooooo, yeah. This was supposed to be just one big (little) thing, but I wrote that last line and felt it was a good place to take a break. I honestly don't know where this will go. There'll be the second part, (hopefully posted tomorrow,) but really the only reason I'm uploading this is because I'm extremely curious about what the reaction will be to my sleep-deprived, nonsensical writing. XD

Anywho, please review, because I can't fathom what anyone's thinking right now (a little unsure if I know what I'm thinking at this point) and I'd love to hear your thoughts. :3

As stated, the next part will hopefully be released tomorrow, and no, I don't take this seriously nor is it meant to be.

A thought you could be thinking: So why is this called "Case: #1"?

Answer: Because reasons. ...Maybe. Depending on the reaction to this part and the next.

Have a wonderful day and I'll see you soon.

~Scarlet.