"You Found Me"

Description: Jane's inner turmoil over her feelings about Maura. Picks up at the tail end of 3.15. One shot. Rated T for language.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

A/N: Inspired by The Fray's song You Found Me. This song popped into my spotify and it instantly fueled my creative fire. The music itself is uplifting but the lyrics are surprisingly haunting…. Quite the bittersweet song.


(Jane's POV)

"I'll be okay… Or I won't. It's my choice."

My face fell. I watched utterly rejected as the wounded soldier turned, leaned on his crutches, and hobbled away from the disaster zone – using every bit of his manhood to keep his head held high. My heart swelled with sadness and disappointment at the sudden yet utterly expected loss. I was angry about the loss of the idea of what could have been. I was ashamed that I couldn't strap on big enough balls to admit that although I had true feelings for Casey, deep down I knew (and I'm sure Casey knew) that my heart was never 100% in the game.

I should have known that the instant I left his apartment saying 'I can't wait for you'. Funny how Freudian slips can happen that way... Casey made it clear that he made his choice… perhaps it was time for me to realize that I had made mine.

I jumped suddenly, the warmth of a familiar hand gently brushing against my right shoulder. My lips softened forming a light smile, finally admitting to myself that just the sight of her always manages to brighten my day. I can't help but lean into her as her hand travels from my shoulder downward until it's resting lightly at the small of my back. So comforting… so inviting.

"You okay?"

"Yeah… Just another day at the office, Huh?" Our eyes latched - our unspoken language. Simple glances that prove that I sincerely meant what I had just said. Despite the crumbling building. Despite my injured partner and brother. Despite what Maura had just observed between Casey and I. "You okay?"

"Yeah..." She responded with that beautiful smile. I inwardly melted as she playfully bumped her body into mine, a silent confirmation of words that neither of us had been willing to say. She turned with me and watched as Casey finally disappeared behind a fire truck. Her fingertips moved downward and brushed against my hand. I couldn't help but intertwine my own with hers. My island of comfort in today's sea of chaos.

"Movie and take out tonight?" Maura asked as she lightly squeezed my hand, breaking the silence of our shared moment.

"Only if you're buying."

I smiled as released my hand from hers, my hand travelling to brush against the soft fabric on her small of her back. She returned the smile and nodded acknowledging our Friday night routine before she turned to walk away.

Comfort always stems from a certain sense of familiarity…

My eyes followed as she walked back into the chaos that is the disaster zone. Her hips sway in the same fashion they do when she's wearing a pair of those ungodly expensive designer heels. Yet she's wearing nothing but cement and blood stained scrubs and a pair of sneakers that I know she keeps in her trunk for "emergencies only". She's never looked so beautiful…

I stood and watched until she disappeared into a sea of light blue scrubs, fire fighters, and injured patients. I knew it was going to be hours until she was ready to leave the scene but I was more than ready to hop into my squad car and leave this place - the broken moments - far behind. Finally, I turned and headed for my car, deciding to drive back to the precinct to gather a few items before immediately heading home to wash off the filth of the day.

Sitting behind the steering wheel, I sighed… relinquishing myself to the fact that all I wanted to do is to immediately go home and settle into the comfort of her arms. After days like these (and believe me, there's been WAY too many of "days like these" lately…) It's the only place I feel safe enough to put badass Jane aside. The only place in this world I've allowed myself to acknowledge my insecurities and let my guard down. The only place I can feel true warmth and light in the world.

I love her… yes, I know that I love her. I know that my heart skips a beat every time I feel her presence nearby. My fingers and toes go numb. My heart swells with pride knowing that the beautiful honey blonde bombshell of woman I share most of my waking (and sometimes non-waking) hours with belongs to me.

The problem is she doesn't… Not really anyway.

I want to tell her. Every day I pray to god that I gather the courage to finally express the emotions I have squandered inside for entirely too long. I want to tell her that no man (not even Casey) could ever offer me everything that she has already freely and willingly given. No one could ever love me the way that I know she always will.

It's too much, too risky… too soon. Too early to divulge my inner emotions and let her know how I truly feel inside. For now, this will have to do. The stolen glances. The brushes of the fingertips against bare skin when we convince ourselves that no one else is looking. The false sense of security that our friendship offers. The knowledge that she will ALWAYS be there because she is and always will be my best friend… possibly never anything more.

Because in the end no matter how far I go, how deep in the shit I get, she will ALWAYS find me… hold me, comfort me, love me…

The fact of the matter is I can't wait for Casey. But I can and WILL wait until eternity for Maura.

So for now, this will have to be enough…


A/N: That was a fun one to write. I love getting into other character's heads. Needed something to get me back into this world as I've been writing "personal essays" for my grad school apps. Hoping to update "Music From the Heart" soon. THANKS FOR READING!