I love you, His head perks up from its place in his hands.

I never told you that, I don't know why.

He stays silent. Just stares out the window like he has done every day, looking down below at the brown, re-growing earth. Wondering where she is on that big, vast planet. If she's cold, or tired, or hungry. He stills at her words.

She stays quite for a moment, it's only a moment but his heart beats a little faster. Still worried, after all this time.

She laughs, the kind that comes as tears fall, God I love you Bellamy Blake. Not that it hasn't been 3 years, but I'd never been good at that. Not with you.

He nods, laughing with her, the kind of laugh that comes as he brushes the tears from his eyes. It falls from his lips so easily now, now that it's too late. "I love you too, Princess."

She can't hear him, he's already tried everything. Even Raven couldn't figure out how to fix the connection. So instead he sits here, everyday. Murphy's told him to stop listening. Even Raven and Harper warned him against it. But Monty still asks everyday, asks how she is, what she's said. Monty still has hope, and so does he.

You could be dead. Please don't be dead Bell. Please be happy. I need you, She pauses. I need you to know that you made the right call.

He nods again, but it doesn't stop that doubt he's felt since closing the spaceship door tighten around his heart. His heart, he hasn't felt his heart beat like this since he first heard her radio transmission two and a half years ago. He wishes he had said goodbye at least. Wishes he had had the courage to face that truth when he had the chance. His heart was still down there with her. That isn't what she had asked him to do when she said he needed to lead with his head too. But it's what he had to do without her here, besides it was safer with her anyway.

Sometimes I think of the things we did, and they feel like a dream, A breath, a nightmare.

He remembers closing that hatch. Knowing, thinking, that if the radiation hadn't already killed her the blast would. He remembers all the times he saved her life, and the one time that he didn't. He's stared out of this window for so long he can barely remember what fresh air smelt like. Or the feeling of cool rain falling on his face. But he remembers her. The feeling of her hand in his. Her body falling against his, her face in the crook of his neck like they fit together somehow. He wonders, while he's sitting here listening, if she remembers too. If that's why she talks to the radio, so that those memories won't fade. Or the reason he listens is so that that short time he had known and loved that wild, wickedly smart, and incredibly brave girl wouldn't have been for nothing.

She usually tells him about her day. About how she survived. What she's discovered. Where she's traveled. Sometimes she talks about the Ark, or her dad; sometimes Lexa or Finn or her mom. About Wells, Jasper, Roan, or Luna – all those they'd lost. She talks about her regret, and her pain. All the decision's she didn't want to make. All the times she wanted to run and hide, and just be a kid.

For some reason today was different. He shakes his head at the thought that he hadn't even wanted to listen today. It was too painful, not being able to respond. Hearing her cry, and hearing her laugh; knowing that she must have that line between her brow, or that ghost of a smile cross her lips.

Sometimes I wonder if you knew, if you felt the same way. And he shakes his head, "I did Clarke. I do."

I wonder, because of all the horrible things I did, He runs his hands through his hair, if this is my punishment. I don't deserve to be happy do I? You were too good for me anyway. You always were the good guy Bell. I always looked to you, even when they were all looking to me. It was you.

"No," Bellamy usually just sits, just listens. It isn't logical to yell at a radio that won't work. But when it comes to Clarke, things were different. With Clarke they'd always found a way back together. Why should this be any different? Today, he couldn't just sit, not anymore, he stands up, he paces the room. He presses his palms flat against the thick glass, as if out of sheer will he could push through and find his way back to her. "No Clarke!" He yells against the window. The room is clouded in unforgiving silence, "Princess, please," He's whispering now.

I should have told you, Bellamy slumps to the floor. You gave me the strength I needed. You were my heart Bell, even when I didn't know it. Even when I didn't want to believe it.

He remembers saying to her, that she was his head. He remembers telling her 'I got you for that'. He remembers all the times they fought, all the times they stood by one another. Every conversation that flowed between them, even without a word said between them. He wonders if this could count as one of those times.

His head falls back into his hands, You were saying to me once, if we don't meet again. I didn't let you finish, just like you didn't want me to finish in Becca's lab, maybe for the same reason. Maybe because you felt the same way. Maybe because I couldn't imagine a world that didn't have you in it. I've lost so many people in this life. But you were the one person I wasn't ready to say goodbye to, even to the very end. Even when I knew I wouldn't make it back.

"I'm so sorry," Bellamy mumbles to himself. It has been constant it for years; he's went to sleep and woke up with it on his lips. Now he repeats it over and over.

When that rocket flew into space, I should have been devastated. I should have cried. I mean that's what I had been fighting for all that time. Survival, right? But when I saw you fly away I knew. I knew I had to keep fighting. That's what you inspire Bellamy. I knew that even if I died that day, you would've been worth it.

That's what Bellamy had hoped for. That first day, three years ago when Raven asked how they would go on without Clarke. He knew she would have wanted them to survive. He knew that they needed to live so that Clarke's death would have meant something, and even while he felt so cold inside - so fractured and lost without her beside him - he took her wish and he built a life for them. It wasn't easy, but it was for her, and that made all the struggle worth it. Because even though she can't hear him, he will be back one day. They will meet again. They always do.

It was all worth it, Bellamy. Every moment. You and I. Together.