Author's Note: I know Brienne would never leave Sansa for King's Landing nor will Jaime and Brienne be this careless but ssshhh… let's just roll with this hahahhahahha. This is supposed to be kinda crack anyway. XD Also, what is politics? T-T And more importantly, DID I SORTA SMUT RIGHT? WJKFHKFGWJFJFFFBF

Winter finally arrived in King's Landing. It was the first night of light snowfall and Cersei felt restless. She had tossed and turned yet sleep didn't come to her. So, she got out of bed and clad herself with some furs over her thin nightgown to warm her up.

Her chamber doors flew open and Ser Gregor turned his undead head to her, poised and ready to follow wherever she goes. She shook her head, telling him that she'd be fine on her own. She was now the queen after all and no one would dare trifle with her.

Cersei's footsteps were soft and quiet as she padded down the stone stairs. As soon as she was out of the Red Keep, she shivered a bit, feeling goose prickles on her skin. Cersei braved the cold weather though. I have the wildfire in me. If red priests and priestesses believed that they have their red god's fire in them, Cersei had a better one within her. Maybe I can create a new faith, she mused. The thought made her feel warmer, urging her to continue on with her nightly stroll.

On and on the lion queen walked. Cersei didn't even have a particular destination in mind. She merely found herself outside the stables, about to head to the courtyard when she heard a voice coming from inside the stables that halted her.

"I want you to fuck me."

Cersei almost snorted loudly at those words, but it was the voice that spoke it that was highly entertaining. She recognized that voice. It was that beast Jaime took with him after he went to Riverrun to secure the castle for the Freys.

Your inner beast has finally shown itself, Cersei almost chortled. She wondered who she was speaking with. Her squire? He looked too young but she knew the strange appetites people have.

Could be that sellsword as well. He looked ready to fuck anyone. Cersei doubted a homely face would matter to his aching cock- just as long as it can find a warm cunt to bury itself in.

"W-what?"

Cersei had to cover her mouth to prevent herself from screaming.

It wasn't the sound of a young boy.

Or a gruff old sellsword.

It was a voice she's known her whole life.

"I- I apologize for being straightforward, Ser Jaime," Cersei heard the beast say. "I just- I didn't know how else to say it. Asking you for such is already embarrassing enough and I didn't wish to make myself look foolish."

Cersei wanted to open the door and peep but she didn't wish to be found out. So she only tiptoed closer to the stable door, her ear pressed near a hole in the wall.

"I- why would you-,"

Her family was known to be smooth with their words- even that little monster, Tyrion. Cersei would never believe her twin would ever stammer like that. If he did, that beast would definitely not be the cause.

"I... it has occured to me that I really might have to marry. My father is getting older and although he's had... visitors... father has never attempted to marry. No one could ever replace mother in his heart."

She heard Jaime hum in a good-humored way.

"Our fathers have that in common, my lady," he said, then pausing a bit before speaking again. "But why do you want to lose your maidenhead? And..." Jaime sounded hesitant. Jaime never sounded hesitant. He always spoke his mind or at least expressed his thoughts in cruel japes. "...why me?"

"Oh I..."

Cersei rolled her eyes. She could imagine the beast wearing a stupid stunned expression- the same one when Cersei told her she loves him. Stupid fool, Cersei wanted to scream, but she'd rather it be Jaime who will break that beast's heart.

"I... trust you," the beast only said and Cersei bit her lip, trying to stop herself from laughing. The ugly cow couldn't even say it. Cersei felt her lip curl in triumph.

"You... flatter me, Brienne, but... I do not wish to dishonor you," Jaime said carefully. Cersei wanted to strangle her brother. Why couldn't he just tell it to her straight?

"I know," the beast sighed, sounding dismayed. Cersei did a silent huff. At least the bitch knows her place. Jaime would never touch a creature like you. "But I just thought..." the beast continued."...if I lose my maidenhead, I don't want it to be with some lord I'll meet only a moon prior. I want it to be someone I trust."

Trust. There was that word again. Couldn't Jaime see she's just trying to get in his breeches like every other giggly maid? As if her sweet brother would desire anyone else other than herself. He wouldn't even desire girls that were nearly as pretty as herself. How much more an ungainly maid such as that Tarth woman.

But when Jaime spoke, it wasn't the answer she was expecting.

"Alright."

Jaime's voice was a higher pitch, as if he were nervous. Jaime was never nervous about fucking. He only ever had that tone when he was being called by Tywin. But there was something else in that tone as well. Cersei couldn't place it.

Something was ruffling. It sounded like clothing no doubt.

"Hold on, Brienne," Jaime said quickly and the ruffling of clothes stopped. "Here? Really? Don't you want to be somewhere more... comfortable? Your chambers perhaps?"

"I do not trust the castle walls," the beast replied and Jaime snorted at that.

"Ashamed of bedding the Kingslayer, are we?" Jaime teased. "Dishonored by the man with no honor."

"I... no... it's just-"

"I jape, Brienne," Jaime said, sighing. "I understand. Too many ears in the castle."

Cersei groaned inwardly. I can hear you just fine, brother.

"Well... if you... wish to, we can go find somewhere dark or we can block the moonlight... and you can imagine... her."

Perhaps this beast isn't as stupid as I thought. She must have at least some wit if she knew Jaime wouldn't bed her easily without having to throw up at her disgusting face.

"Oh Brienne," Jaime only said and she could hear fabrics scratch against one another.

"Oh..." the beast squeaked. "How long was that..."

"Since Harrenhal," he moaned erotically to Cersei's surprise.

"Haren- Jaime! That was a long time ago."

Cersei heard Jaime laugh. It wasn't his usual cruel laugh. This seemed more light-hearted somehow. She hadn't heard him laugh like that since he joined the Kingsguard.

"Ever since you asked me to fuck you, then," he replied when his laughter subsided. "But don't say this never happened in Harrenhal."

Cersei did not like what she was hearing. She knew through Qyburn that the two had shared a bath in Harrenhal before he was returned to King's Landing after his imprisonment in Riverrun, but the non-maester assured her that nothing happened. Yet somehow, the thought of her brother getting an excited cock at the naked beast made her confused, and something else she didn't want to think about because Jaime would never betray her even in the smallest ways.

"You mock me, Ser Jaime," the beast sulked, and silently, Cersei agreed.

"I don't," Jaime sounded serious this time. "I want to watch you when you come, Brienne."

There was a seemingly long silence after. The beast must be as perplexed as Cersei is right now.

"Let's just get this over with," the beast sighed and so did Jaime.

The rustle of clothing resumed but it seemed louder and more frantic. Suddenly, she heard a squeak and a gasp.

"Ser, what are you doing?" the beast asked.

"I'm helping you take your clothes off, wench," Jaime replied, sounding amused.

"No I mean why did you kiss me?" she questioned demandingly.

"Why shouldn't I?" Jaime sounded like he was pouting. Cersei couldn't believe his brother was losing his bravado and turning into this pouty, sulking child- all because of this… beast.

"I just want to lose my maidenhead. I don't need kisses or-"

"I kissed you because I want your first time to be special," Jaime cut off. Cersei withheld her gasp. Aside from that childhood incident when they had been caught playing, their first time had been clumsy indeed but they never spoke of making it special. They always knew they were special. Whenever they fucked, they fought for dominance and pleasure and were always rough. They never asked or hesitated or even spoke, unless necessary. They just did and then left.

Cersei wanted to make sure if it was her brother in there and not some imposter who sounded like him.

"Jaime, you don't have to," the beast whispered.

"Brienne," he spoke softly but firmly. "I want to and you deserve such treatment."

As the sounds earlier resumed but the rustle of the clothes were quickly replaced by gasps and moans and sucking, Cersei narrowed her eyes in disbelief. There was also a crunch of what sounded like straw or hay.

"Are-," the beast breathed between kisses. "Aren't you going to take off your breeches?"

"Not yet," Jaime grunted. "If I do, I may not be able to control myself. I want you to be ready first, alright?"

"Jaime," she moaned desperately and with slight irritation as a reply and it caused Jaime to give another chuckle.

"Trust me, my lady. My cock is as eager to be buried in you, but you have to be ready or else it will really hurt."

Cersei should put an end into this but she stood her ground and kept listening- waiting for Jaime to end this farce and reveal that this was all a jape. Perhaps go looking for her afterwards. Jaime had made himself occupied ever since he returned. They didn't have time for each other save for council meetings and even then, Jaime sometimes left when a soldier reported of some sort of commotion and was needed somewhere in the city, always dragging the beast in tow. Cersei thought he had been lying and even feared he and that cow had been doing something behind her back but the little birds had all been consistent with what Jaime was doing. He was stopping riots all over the city. There had been a multitude of them ever since the sept blew up, but no reports of anything rebellious or… intimate… happening between the two. Until now.

Cersei could hear heavy breathing from the beast.

"Are you alright, Brienne?" Jaime said with gentleness Cersei's never known.

"Oh gods yes," the beast merely replied, and Jaime made a snorting sound.

"I'm glad my left hand is of use to you, my lady."

"Don't be... silly," she spoke in between gasps. "You're an honorable knight... oh seven... with or without that sword hand... oh gods, yes."

"Jaime," he blurted out.

The beast could only whimper her confusion.

"I want you to say my name, Brienne," Jaime pleaded.

"Oh, Jaime," the beast sighed obligingly.

Cersei scrunched up her face at the beast's constant mantra of her brother's name. It grew louder and faster, likely matching the pace Jaime was setting as he pumped his fingers into her cunt.

Suddenly, she heard the beast whimper and Cersei's smile slowly creeped back. She knew the sound of a withdrawn touch at a building climax.

"That should be enough," Jaime said and there was a sucking sound. To Cersei's dismay, she knew what that meant as well. "You taste so good, Brienne."

Then there were muffled moans. No doubt they were kissing again, but flavored with the beast's taste.

"Are you sure you still want to do this, Brienne?" Jaime asked with a concern that was beginning to annoy Cersei.

There were no words, just more moaning-from both of them- and the telltale sound of lovers fumbling with their last pieces of clothing-likely Jaime's breeches- as they kiss.

"Brienne. This still might hurt a little," Jaime warned gently.

Jaime hummed as if he was taking his time, and then there was a loud yelp.

"Are you alright?" Jaime said with a tone of panic.

"Yes," the beast replied shyly. "I'm just very ticklish at my waist."

"Oh are you?" Jaime sounded teasing now. Cersei still couldn't find a trace of nastiness in it.

"Jaime," she warned. "Don't-,"

And the beast's laughter filled the silence of the chill night.

"Jaime stop," the beast yelled in between her laughter.

"I knew you had a weakness somewhere," Jaime barked in triumph.

Jaime had never done this with Cersei. It was either quick tumbles, touches or just plain fucking if they had the time. They never asked after their wellbeing or… tickled. Cersei felt something hot growing in her chest.

The beast's laughter finally stopped, only to be replaced by Jaime's. It was quickly followed by the sound of a hand slapping against flesh. Jaime's laughter quickly ceased.

"Why did you do that?" the beast cried, seemingly uncaring of how loud she was.

"I've never seen you laugh," Jaime admitted. "I'm not even sure I've seen you smile."

Cersei was finding her brother more and more ridiculous by the minute.

"Ser Jaime, if you do not wish to do this, you can just say so." The beast sounded hurt. This must be it. Cersei can already imagine Jaime heading to her own chambers, retelling the incident as his cock fucks the only cunt it belongs in.

"When will you ever stop doubting yourself, Brienne?" he only said. With all that went on, Cersei should stop being surprised, but she is. She could hear more kissing before her brother spoke once more. "You are desirable, Brienne. Maybe not to everyone but you are. Just the other day, Podrick told me of your wildling encounters."

"That wildling fellow will die before I ever let him touch me."

Cersei could hear a loud exhale.

"That's my wench. I see then that I have no reason to be…" Jaime trailed off, and the sounds of kissing and moaning ensued, leaving Cersei perplexed once more. The way Jaime said it sounded possessive. Jaime had only been possessive of Cersei. And was Jaime going to say 'jealous'?

Cersei refused to believe her brother would ever feel possessive over someone other than her. Nor will she believe he's jealous of a wilding drooling over the beast. She's better off with a wildling.

Then the beast gave off a roar Cersei thought she'd never hear from her.

"Are you fine? Do you want me to go on?" Jaime asked nervously.

"Jaime, you talk too much," the beast grunted. "Just fuck me."

"So that's what my cock does to you," Jaime purred. "So cheeky, wench. Your wish is my command then."

And there was nothing but grunts and moans from there on. Jaime really was doing this. Cersei felt insulted. And the fact that he's betraying her for that ugly cow was pouring salt over the wound.

As the shouts of climax subsided, Cersei was ready to move. She wanted a long, hot bath drawn. Maybe she can ask Ser Gregor to have the beast's head removed from her thick neck, and demand Jaime that they share the tub as the beast's severed head watches them fuck.

"Jaime," the beast whispered bashfully. "Didn't you uhm…"

Cersei realized Jaime hadn't reached his peak. If Jaime won't crush this beast's heart maybe her own undesirability and inexperience will.

"I had to… control myself. I would never wish to ruin you with a bastard," Jaime replied, and Cersei found fury bubbling up within her. And it was fine that you got me with child?

"That is wise, but let me… take care of that," the beast said, unsure. Like she knows the ways she could make Jaime scream. Only I can do that.

"It's fine, Brienne. You're probably sore, you don't- oh."

For the first time, perhaps, Cersei found her brother caught off guard in bed.

"Oh gods, Brienne."

Cersei wrinkled her nose at the sounds of sucking and Jaime's almost incoherent instructions at his pleasure spots before he bellows when the beast seemingly does something right. Cersei couldn't handle this. She was cold and confused and she wanted to gag. Whatever torture she wanted to imagine for the beast could never drown the disturbing sounds she just heard. Perhaps she can ask Ser Gregor to behead that bitch randomly in public tomorrow. It could probably strike fear in the peasants and quit their rioting. She really didn't know. She'll think on that tomorrow. The only way she'll drown those sounds is by sleeping.

The last thing Cersei heard was Jaime telling her that he was coming, a hum, more sucking and the telltale scream of Jaime peaking.

Just behind sacks of potatoes along the adjacent wall where Cersei had just been leaning on, Bronn was crouched down- his face was frozen in both fear and disgust.

The sellsword couldn't sleep so he had taken to wandering around. He was outside the stables before Cersei had been and stopped when he realized Jaime and Brienne were talking in the stables, apparently as restless as he was. He just wanted to have a good laugh at the lord and lady's conversation. They were talking of war strategies and politics yet it was evident that they wanted to talk of other things… do other things. Slowly, their conversation got intimate and personal with Jaime talking about his lordship and Brienne talking about Tarth. Bronn knew where this was heading and wanted to leave, but right when the lady asked him to fuck her, the queen passed by and decided to stay and listen. While hidden from her view, Bronn did not want to be found by the mad queen. He might suspect him for rebellion if she found him at this late hour. Bronn couldn't find a way out either. The wall was too high and too long and the space between it and the stables was too narrow. He could probably jump on the roof of the stables but he'd make so much noise. Bronn was trapped. So he had to endure listening to the sickening sounds of the two fucking. Most definitely, he was glad that they were finally getting it over with, but he did not want to be around when they do it. The only sounds of fucking he wants to hear is from him and whatever whore or wife, if Lord Lannister doesn't forget his debts, he's fucking.

"I wanted to fuck you, just so you know," Jaime blurted out as Bronn was searching around for any sign of the queen or that undead creep of a Kingsguard knight or anyone. The sellsword had been ready to bolt if he saw that the coast was clear, but somehow he wanted to hear this.

"What about Her Grace?" Brienne asked, her voice oozing with insecurity.

"I wasn't lying about Harrenhal," Jaime only replied. "I wanted you. I just didn't know I did until we met again at Riverrun."

"Jaime. You could have been lonely or… missing her. You were with fever, that I'm sure of."

Jaime snorted. "Alright, even if it was that back then, would you kindly explain why my cock stirred earlier… or why it's stirring right now?"

There was no reply.

"Brienne, stop thinking so lowly about yourself," Jaime said, and there was an unmistakable sound of a soft smack on the lips. "You are pure of heart. You are the person I aspired to be and I thought those type of people never existed. Yet here you are. You reminded me to care for people greater than I am. You made me end a siege without bloodshed."

"That was all you, Jaime," she insisted. "I only wanted to get the Tully army. That was all you."

Jaime made an exaggerated gasp. "Are you feeding my ego, wench?"

"You're impossible," the lady groaned.

"So I've heard." Jaime chuckled before sounding solemn once more. "But I am serious though, Brienne. I really would have taken that castle with bloodshed if you hadn't come along. I didn't want innocent people to die but resources were limited and I simply cannot afford to stay long, especially with the crown drowning in debt."

"It was all you, Ser Jaime," Brienne persisted, making Bronn roll his eyes at her formality. "And I'm proud of you as well. For ending that siege without spilled blood, except the Blackfish perhaps."

"As I said," Jaime said in a lighter tone once more. "That old fool is more stubborn than you are."

There was an awkward silence that followed the jape though.

"I have a… proposition, Brienne," Jaime said, breaking the quiet. Bronn rolled his eyes at how this man could never keep his mouth shut.

"Are we talking politics naked?" Brienne sounded teasing but Bronn knew the lady must be struggling to keep her composure. Jaime gave out a small laugh but it was weak and it was evident he was uneasy.

"Well, I wished to speak with you about this tomorrow, but with our current… situation. I thought now would be the… appropriate time to speak of it."

Bronn stifled a chuckle. Ever since the lady asked him to fuck her, the two seemed different. The lady was bolder and Lannister… he fumbled like a maiden, and it likely wasn't only due to the lack of hand.

"What is it, Ser Jaime?" the lady asked with heavy concern.

"That's just it, my lady," Jaime began. "I'm no longer Ser Jaime. I'm Lord Jaime Lannister of Casterly Rock and I need to secure the future of my House."

There was a heavy silence that seemed to last for several minutes before the lady gasped.

"You're not… asking me to marry you, are you?"

Bronn could imagine the lady's horrified face.

"That's exactly what I had in mind, my lady."

"But…"

"I know I am unworthy of you," Jaime said with all sincere lack of of confidence. "But this marriage is advantageous politically as well. I received some news about the Stormlands troops regrouping, and with the extinguished line of the Baratheons, I can only guess the most likely candidate leading the Stormlands."

"Father…" Brienne whispered.

"The Evenstar, yes."

"But… Jaime," the lady's tone switched from fear to something dark. The hay they were probably lying on made a sound. "If you think I'll betray Lady Sansa for your sister, you are mistaken."

"Brienne, come back to bed," Lannister pleaded. "I ask for no such thing."

"Then, what is it then?" she growled.

"Come back to bed. What I'm about to tell you is for your ears alone."

There was silence before Bronn heard the sound of their 'bed'.

"There are reports of Daenerys Targaryen heading to Westeros and she's in alliance with Dorne, the Iron Islands and the Tyrells," Jaime whispered, yet Bronn could hear him loud and clear. "It's said she's heading to the Stormlands to make more alliances."

"But she's the Mad King's daughter," Brienne breathed. "She could have you executed."

"I do hope our future marriage will offer some security but I doubt that, though my Lannister army could be more convincing. And with your alliance against the North as well, we could win against Her Grace. The citizens of King's Landing might need not suffer anymore."

"That makes sense," was Brienne's only reply.

"But know this, my lady. Even if we weren't in a desperate situation, you would have made me a very happy man indeed if we wed."

"You are worthy, Jaime," the lady told him.

"What?"

"I would be greatly honored and will be happy to have you as a husband as well,"

Stupidly, Bronn could feel his heart melt at that.

"Jaime…" Brienne trailed off. "Since we are to be wed, and we've already… errr… can we… uhm… do it again?"

Bronn could hear Jaime's laughter. It wasn't a laughter of mockery that he usually heard. It sounded genuine with a hint of amusement and mischief. Bronn could hear the twinkle in Lord Lannister's eye if that was possible.

"I did tell you it's yours and it will always be yours," Jaime teased, as if it was some joke the two shared. "It wasn't only Oathkeeper I was talking about."

"Oh…" Brienne trailed off and Jaime continued.

"My honor… my heart… my cock…"

Bronn could hear them shift. Although he did not wish to hear another round of fucking and could have just left, their conversation made him want to help them. Bronn couldn't hear the thoughts of the queen but he was certain that she wasn't too happy about her brother fucking someone else. And the Lord Lannister was right. If they all want to live, they should get rid of Cersei, but to do that, they need Jaime Lannister. They'll need to act fast as well.

"Fuck this," Bronn hissed and marched out of his hiding spot and toward the stables. He slammed the door open and surely enough he found a naked Jaime Lannister prowling over his naked future lady wife. For a moment, the couple was staring at Bronn, too stunned to do anything else. When Bronn smirked and raised a brow at them did they both scream. Jaime shielded the lady's body with his.

"How long have you been there?" Jaime asked angrily.

Bronn groaned in disgust. "Long before you fucked..." The two made panicked and irritated noises. "…and long before Her Grace listened to both of you fuck."

They both froze and Bronn guffawed at that.

"Rest assured, she did not hear any of your treasonous talk," Bronn told them. "But she was outside for the whole duration of the fucking, hence why I couldn't help but hear every grunt and moan."

"This is bad," Jaime huffed.

"Which one? Me hearing you moan filthy words or your sister hearing it?" Bronn replied and it earned him a glare from Jaime. "But at least only I heard your political talks. Or at least I'm certain it's only me, but whatever you plan is, you better get it done quick because I reckon Her Grace will keep a sharper eye on you both… or perhaps only Lord Lannister. You'd probably get you executed, my lady."

"Alright, alright." Jaime insisted. "Just leave us to get dressed."

"Good," Bronn said turning away to leave them alone inside. "And make sure you're only going to get dressed and not go for another round. I tell you, it was not pleasant to hear."

As Bronn waited outside, he could hear snickers from Jaime and protests from Brienne. No doubt Jaime was attempting to steal kisses from her.

"Oi! Quit it!" Bronn reprimanded before muttering, "Children…"

Bronn indulged them that little happiness because in truth, deep under his sellsword heart, small joys-like this genuine and healthy love between this man and woman- make living in this shitty world worth it.

Author's Note: Our truthteller therapist is secretly a romantic at heart ;)

The after sex talk was really hard to do actually. And oh god I thought listening to people have sex is easier to write but I dunno, it was sooooo hard. DID I SMUT RIGHT? I don't usually write smut but well, the things I do for love. Hahahahaha.

Let me know what you think. :D Your reviews are small joys that make fanfics worth writing. ;D ~