Tales of the Teen Titans: Exile, chapter 1: Temptation

Wednesday at midnight, Titans' Tower: All was quiet, but not still.

In a certain room, Beast Boy and Terra were in bed, whispering excitedly back and forth to each other. A certain long-awaited-for date was fast approaching, and it wasn't uncommon for them to be so excited they couldn't sleep, at a least not until completely exhausted.

"You talked to Kitten about being in the wedding?" asked Terra.

"Yes," he replied. "She agreed instantly. I got the impression she'd been waiting to be asked, even."

"And Angelique's agreed to be the flower girl, so that makes, let's see, on your side, there's Robin and Cyborg, on mine there's Kitten, Starfire, and Raven." Then her face clouded over. "At least, I hope we can count on Raven."

Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "Honey, please…."

"Gar, I know you think I'm overreacting, but those looks she's been giving you, the ones she's been careful not to let you see, have been increasing in frequency. Girls tend to notice these things, especially in other girls. I thought it was just me being jealous, too, at first, but there've just been too many subtle little things going on. Like, did you notice the other day, what happened with the last slice of pizza?"

He shrugged. "She gave it to me. So? She wasn't hungry any more."

"Yeah, but Gar, think: she actually went to the trouble of handing you the last slice of pizza. I know it's a small thing, but has she ever done that before? Ever? In her life? For that matter, has she ever given you anything?"

He wracked his brain. "No."

She sighed. "I know it seems like an insignificant thing, but in relationships, it's often the little things that point to big things. And what about lately, has she been insulting you the way she normally does? And you slipped her that ghost chili pepper in her sub sandwich last week; did she go all postal on you like usual?"

"N-no." He had to practically drag the word out. "Well, maybe she was just tired or something."

"Gar? Honey? Are your feet wet? Can you see the Pyramids? 'Cause you're in denial, sweetheart, big time, and you know it."

He thought and thought hard. Finally, he shook his head. "I-I still just don't see it. I mean, I've always thought of her as my big sister. One who beats me up all the time, sure, but a big sister nevertheless. I mean, that's what big sisters do. Isn't it? And it's pretty clear she's always thought of me as the annoying little brother who desperately needs a good thrashing every now and then."

Terra sighed, her breath warm against his chest. "Gar…Honey…even in cases of real brothers and sisters, sometimes things….happen." There was a certain inflection in her voice that caught his attention.

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated for a long, long moment. Then, "I spent most of my single-digit years in a castle in Markovia. A big, scary castle, with big, scary rooms. Rumored to be haunted, naturally. Back when I was little, like say, five or six, I'd sneak out in the middle of the night, and go down the hall to my brother's room, to Brion's room. I knew he'd protect me from the monsters under the bed. And he would, of course. He's…always been like that.

"And back when we were about that age, we'd even bathe together. Everybody thought it was so cute. Plus, it gave my dad a chance to show off just how well he was treating me, his little 'natural daughter'—just as well as his own son. Good PR for the royal house.

"But along about nine for me, and maybe ten for Brion, we…decided to quit doing that. Voluntarily, on both our parts." Here she hesitated again. "See, being that close, and under those conditions…..he found himself…..responding to me, to my being there, like that, with him. It embarrassed him no end." At Gar's puzzled expression, she continued, "A perfectly natural physiological reaction, sweetheart," and her hand brushed his groin, "One you've had on more than one occasion, mister, but never took full advantage of. In spite of my offers."

"Oh. Uh, I see what you mean. Sorry, was a little slow on the uptake there for a moment. But yeah, I can see how that would be, uh….awkward." Especially if it's your sister. Well, half-sister, but no difference.

"My point is, we were kinda isolated. We didn't really have any other kids around, to model our behavior on. Pretty much all we had was each other. My father was terrified that his enemies would kidnap Brion for political or monetary gain, and, I guess, he simply didn't care enough about me to get me out into any schools or anything. Maybe he was a little afraid I'd be kidnapped, or….but, no, I don't really believe that. Anyway, the upshot was, all we had was each other. If I hadn't been exiled when I was twelve, it's entirely possible...something… might've happened. I mean, there was nobody else for us. Especially since," and here she blushed crimson all over her face, "and here's something I've never told anybody else, especially Brion, as he'd be horrified. I-I kinda found myself, y'know, responding to him, in a female sort of way. I mean, we were only kids, but….I…..found myself….wondering…. some things, you know?"

"Like what would happen if-?"

"Yeah. And that relates to this situation. I mean, think about it: Raven never gets out, goes anywhere or does anything. She just stays there in that big empty room of hers, reading or something. The only guys—boys, men, whatever, I mean-she knows are Cyborg, who's in a relationship with Sarah, Robin, who's in a relationship with Star, and you. Who do you think she's closest to, emotionally? Better question: who does she interact with the most of us all?"

"What about Hank? I thought they were an item, sort of."

"Sometimes things don't work out. Especially if there's something holding one of the two people back. Some unfinished business, or unspoken thoughts or unexpressed feelings. Some unrequited love, maybe."

He shook his head. "I just don't see Raven, of all people, as carrying a torch for me. Anybody else, I could –kinda-see it—vaguely—but….."

She pulled herself up to where she was eye to eye with him, their heads resting on the same pillow. "I know. And I hope I'm wrong. Maybe I am. If so, you get to say 'told ya so' at least a hundred and fifty times. But if there is anything to my suspicions, and as the big day approaches, it'll probably get worse. So, be ready, sweetheart." And she kissed him, not an ordinary peck, but a full, sensual kiss. "I really don't wanna hafta fight Raven for you, but if it comes to that, I will." Then after another sensual kiss, "Now, about that perfectly natural physiological reaction we were just discussing…"

….

Thursday night: In her room, Raven sat, floating in mid-air, legs curled in the lotus position, surrounded by candles. She sat in the middle of a pentagram formed by them. A pentagram of light.

What she was about to do was serious business. But it had to be done. Things had been getting worse for her lately, and she figured this was the only way out.

It had started with her dreams. She'd dream of making love to Garfield Logan, and wake up climaxing, using her pillow, usually soaking it partially with her juices. Then the thoughts began invading her waking life: she'd see Beast Boy and take note of how kissable he looked today. On more than one occasion, she'd caught herself staring at him, completely without intending to. Thankfully, nobody else seemed to've noticed, but still. Sooner or later, if it kept up, they would. And even if they didn't, it was still terribly embarrassing.

And things had gotten worse still. In spite of her relationship with Hank, she found herself thinking of Beast Boy whenever she showered. This usually led to her fondling herself to a kind of partial, temporary satisfaction. She was just glad there were no sound or video pickups in the individual rooms. At least, she hoped there weren't.

But it was becoming a constant distraction. Unlike her two other female friends, Starfire and Terra, Raven was a virgin. This was a condition she used to take a certain amount of pride in, but lately, it had become a source of annoyance.

Maybe all I need is to simply get laid. Just get plain old-fashioned fucked, and fucked really good. Just do it and get it over with. Get it out of my system. Maybe then, I could be…..sane again. Or at least, what passes for sanity in me. But she didn't know exactly how to go about doing that, either. Would Hank be willing? But how could she approach him with such a delicate, intimate question? Raven was, with regards to such matters, actually very shy. She just couldn't see herself doing that. Suppose she did broach the subject to him, and he, for whatever reason, wasn't comfortable with it? She hated to admit it, but that would be a major blow to her self-esteem. A huge blow.

So that led to this. Yes, a very serious step, indeed. But she saw no other way.

Almost at once, she could make out a soft, gentle susurration around the outskirts of her mind: You know you don't have to do this, Raven. There is another way. A way whereby he could be yours, be yours truly, once and for all. Totally and completely yours. And all it would take is, you asking, and being willing to pay a…..

..very…

..small…

price…

"No!" she exclaimed, louder than she'd intended. Then she glanced worriedly at the door, half-afraid somebody passing by outside might've heard her…

…..and half-afraid they hadn't. But there was no indication anybody had. She continued at a whisper,"I will not do that to my friend! Never!"

Do what, Raven? Asked the voice-that-was-not-a- voice in her mind, innocently. After all, you aren't contemplating casting some magic spell on him or anything. Now, I agree that would be low. All that you're considering is a perfectly natural solution to a perfectly natural problem. One that humans have used for thousands, even millions, of years.

It would be so easy…..just say yes….and leave the rest to me. She could almost feel the Entity sliding around her, in an effort to comfort her…..or perhaps compel her.

"And, as I've said before, here's my answer," she said, opening her desk drawer and drawing out the athame she kept there, pressing the sharp tip against the soft flesh on the inside of her left arm. "Just keep trying. Go ahead. Keep tempting me. This athame is very sharp. It won't take much pressure….."

You don't want to do that.

"No. But better this than….what you want."

You don't even know what I want.

"I know your type. I've dealt with things like you often enough. I know that no good thing could possibly come of it."

Are you so sure you've got me properly categorized?

Raven made no audible reply, but just pressed the point of the athame a little deeper. A small drop of blood oozed past the tip.

Sigh. Very well. And the intruding presence around the edges of her mind faded.

She sighed in relief, herself, lowering the athame, and putting it back where it belonged. She pressed the heel of her hand up against her forehead, with her normally pretty face twisting into an ugly grimace as she fought back the tears of exhaustion that seemed to come altogether too easily these days. As if I didn't have enough problems. No doubt someone like Starfire could be enormously helpful just as moral support, but she couldn't take the risk. After all, because of her, the world, maybe even the entire universe had once been put in serious, immortal danger. Thanks to the support of her friends, she'd been able to overcome the shadow she'd grown up under, but she didn't want to take the chance that they wouldn't understand a second time. After all, how many times could she place who knew how much of reality in jeopardy before they decided she was more trouble than she was worth?

Raven could imagine no worse fate befalling her than to have her friends reject her. They were all she had.

Now. She could resume her preparations in peace. She went over to her desk, took out a slip of paper, and proceeded to write upon it:

To whom it may concern:

My dear friends,

I'm writing this letter just in case we never meet again. I hope you won't think less of me for doing what I am about to do. Believe me, I tried. I tried everything I could think of—and a few things I didn't know I could think of until I got desperate—to get around this, but this seems to be something I just have to do. I'm very sorry if this causes anyone any grief; please believe me when I say that was never my intention. Quite the opposite, in fact; what I'm about to do I do to prevent heartache.

Garfield, Terra: I'm very sorry I won't be there for your wedding. I truly had planned to be, and I'm sure that you, Terra, will be a beautiful bride. I hope you two have a long and happy marriage. Please take care of each other.

Hank: Dear Hank. I truly do love you, in my own way, but you deserve somebody better than me. Somebody not quite so screwed up. I'm only sorry I won't be around to help pick her out.

Cyborg: You may not believe this, but I would have liked to've refereed one more game of stankball. It was actually rather fun. In a gross sort of way.

Robin: Something I never told you: that time we spent crawling up from Trigon's subterranean caverns, with me on your back, and you telling me stories, were among the happiest of my life. They're memories I'll always treasure, as long as I can remember anything at all. In fact, all my memories of all of you all are memories I'll always treasure. Even you, Beast Boy. All those pranks you played on me….maybe I overreacted when it came to getting you back. Maybe. Some of them were actually sort of funny. I would have laughed, if they'd been played on anybody else.

Starfire: You are literally everything I've ever wanted to be. Take good care of Robin for me, will you?

Orb: You're probably aware I'm writing this. Please don't take it the wrong way. I hope we'll still be able to communicate where I'm going, but I doubt it. Please stay with the Titans; they're going to need you.

Angelique, Kitten: I'm glad I got to know the two of you as friends, rather than enemies. I hope you continue with the Titans; there's going to be an empty slot now. Now, as to my replacement, I'd recommend Zatanna. She's got the power and the experience, and, personality-wise, I think she'll fit in nicely. Plus she doesn't have any of the mental, emotional, and spiritual baggage that I brought to the group.

Beast Boy….Garfield. I really don't know what to write with regards to you. You've been everything to me: the irritating little brother, the trusted colleague and coworker, the friend. Most of all, the friend. I really want to keep it that way. Forever. That time when we were fighting the Mad Mod, and I had fallen, and you helped me up…..you'll never know how close I came to coming into your arms right then. Only the fact that we were still under battle conditions prevented me from throwing myself upon you right then and there. And that night on the shore, after the incident with Adonis, while we were talking—it took all my self-control to keep from just…leaning against you, and letting things go from there. And after Malchior-but you get the idea. As always, I controlled myself. But I'll always remember all those looks, those kind words, the encouragement you gave me when I couldn't encourage myself…..I'd best stop before I start crying.

But I want you to know one more thing: one thing I'll always remember as long as I have a sound mind, was the time when you took care of me, protected me, when, due to my own stupidity, I was in no shape to take care of myself. You know the incident I'm talking about. For that, you were and always will be my hero.

Well, I don't mean to get all maudlin on anyone, so I'll close this letter with this: believe it or not, I do love each and every one of you. If I haven't been able to actually come out and say that, well, just put it down to me and my screwed-up-ness.

Here I go—Someone signaled for entrance at her door. Sighing, she crossed the room and opened the door a few inches.

Garfield stood out in the hallway. "Rae? You, uh, you alright in there?"

"Of-of course I am, Garfield. W-why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged, slightly. "No reason. I just—something just told me I should check up on you, is all. Say. Later on tonight, Terra and I are gonna watch Pretty Pretty Pegasus in the Land of Dreams in our room. Wanna come watch it with us? I know you like that show."

Raven's knees suddenly felt weak. She had to struggle to keep her jaw from hanging open, and she had to hang on to the door jamb to keep from falling. "You-you're inviting me to come watch a movie with the two of you, after hours? In, in your room? Gar, I, I couldn't. I mean, that's your alone time together, isn't it? I'd, I'd be intruding….."

"No, you wouldn't, Rae. Seriously. We'd like you to join us. Both of us. C'mon. Whaddaya say?"

The temptation was incredible. It was like a physical thing, like a chain or rubber band wrapped around her midsection, pulling her down the hallway. The previous soft, half-whisper in her mind was as nothing by comparison. She could be with them, sharing a good time together, but, more importantly, she could be with him, sharing a good time…..just one more good memory, before…

"I'm sorry, Gar, but I'd really better not. I do have some studying to do. I'm trying to perfect a certain spell, and it's new to me. So….maybe a raincheck?" She anxiously hoped he didn't see the desperate glimmer in her eyes…..

"Sure, Rae. You know you're always welcome. And I do mean always." And with that, he left, going on down the hall towards the room he shared with Terra.

With her door safely closed, Raven leaned back against it, closed her eyes, and breathed a sigh of relief. That had been close. But it would really be better this way. Really, it would be. For everybody.

She went back to her magic circle and studied the lines, standing there in the center of it. Everything seemed to be in order.

She checked her small duffelbag. She planned on traveling light, but still, she'd need a few things. Let's see….she had all the supplies on her checklist. Of course, it was always possible that something unexpected would show up, and she'd need something she hadn't packed, but there was no helping that. She'd just have to improvise.

The spell she was working on would transport her to an alternate Earth. It was designed to seek out Earthlike worlds and realities where she could function; she didn't have to worry about landing on some Jovian gas giant, where the air would be toxic to her, and the gravity crushing. No, this portal she was about to open would lead to an Earthlike world. Just a different Earthlike world, sideways in time.

True, returning might be a problem, but that wasn't the main issue with her right then. If she never returned…well, maybe her friends would be better off.

Thus thinking, she made the required gestures, spoke the words,…..and stepped through the blackly glowing circle that appeared in mid-air before her.

To be continued…

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