Alright, start of something new.
They say time flies when you're having fun.
But, when that time is spent apart from the person who holds your heart—fun isn't word I'd use to describe it.
A year.
It's been a year since I've seen the boys.
It's been hard. I've spent my time all over the place, the mountains, beaches, New York, The Great Lakes, North, South, East, West, everywhere.
I've done a lot of soul searching, a lot of rebuilding, working on my life. I've felt ready to go back to him. I've wanted to go back to him, but I was scared. More than anything I wanted to run back to him and everything just be perfect. But, I knew it wouldn't be the same, and that scared me. And, with every thought I had to go home, something was holding me back. There was still something I needed that I hadn't discovered yet.
I've been talking to Nick, calling him from random places on the road. He won't tell me about Joe. He tells me about the band and what they're doing but not Joe. He says if I want to know things about Joe, I have to ask him myself.
At first, I was mad at Nick. Mad that he wouldn't tell me how he was doing. How he was handling it, but the more I talked to him, the more I couldn't be mad and couldn't expect him to fill me in on everything because I left, if Nick wouldn't have walked in that day, I would have no link to them at all. Long story short, Nick was right…like always.
Nick also finally broke down one day and told me how horrible he felt for talking to me, telling me the guilt that he had building up inside of him because he was still talking to the girl that broke his brother's heart and is still breaking it everyday she's away from him. I'd cried a lot that week and the conversation haunted me for a long time. I had relentlessly apologized, but he said he was dealing with it and he was glad he at least knew I was okay.
I decided two days ago that it was time for me to go home. I was in Florida, laid out on the beach, listening to the radio. I smiled when I heard the familiar tune fill my ears.
It was a song Joe and only Joe had released just a month after I had left. Not the Jonas Brothers, but Joe Jonas. It became my anthem and it gave me hope, it let me know that he was there, he was there for me and he cared.. I had talked to Nick about it who said that Joe knew that a song was the only way he could connect with me, his only form of communication, and just hoping I heard it.
And I did. It kept me going.
I can see it in your eyes, you're scared
All these things they force you to do aren't fair
I'm here to chase away these tears
And baby we can chase away these fears
(Because)sometimes baby you fall on your back
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have
And you know, you know it's true
This is a fight I refuse to lose
And I'll run (and I'll run)
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and I'll run)
This is where we both break free
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)
I can hear it in your voice, you care
Let me run my fingers through your hair
I'll keep you company at night
And baby I'm here to make this right
(Because) sometimes baby you fall on your back
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have
And you know, you know it's true
This is a fight I refuse to lose
And I'll run (and I'll run)
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and I'll run)
This is wear we both break free
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)
Believe me and don't think twice
And don't leave me or say goodbye
Believe me, believe me tonight
Believe me and don't think twice
Believe me
And I'll run
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and I'll run)
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and i'll run)
This is where we both break free
I'll bring (i'll bring) you home (you home, you home)
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)
If you have a little faith in me
Immediately after the song ended, there was a public announcement, at least the 50th one I'd heard today, telling me that there was a Category 4 hurricane headed that way and by the end of the week, mostly all of Florida would be evacuated.
It was then that I had the epiphany I had been waiting for. That no matter what I did, there were things out there that were bigger than me. Things that I had no control over. Things that no matter what, nature would take its course and it would either plow into you or take another path and leave you untouched and unharmed. You just had to have faith and either way, everything would fall into place.
I don't know if it was the hurricane analogy or if my mind finally caught up with my thoughts or what, but I finally understood that I had to take the risk and make my own happiness and that Joe and the love that I felt for him, it was bigger than me and it would take over and happen anyway, I just had to let it, have faith in love, have faith in Joe, have faith in myself.
I jumped up, tears pouring down my face, I'd finally found it, I'd found what I was looking for, everything that it was buried under deep within me, I'd found the self love I was looking for and now I was ready…now it was time.
I fled to my car and I've been driving ever since. I had just entered California, just mere hours from home when something on the radio caught my interest. Well more of the name than anything.
"So Joe's released this song, the second song he's released without his brothers. Now in a recent interview he said he's had it written for a while but wasn't ready to release it, and that now he's let some things go, got his life going back on track and he's releasing some of the best songs he's ever written, he's even releasing an EP which is a half CD with some of the songs he's written, his brothers doing the music, of course."
What? Why hadn't Nick told me about this?
"And I'd have to agree Dee, I mean these songs are so deep and seem to tell a story, which it could be anyone but, man. Sounds like someone hurt him."
"You got that right, and this song pretty much takes the cake, it's a downer, I mean you can just here it in his voice."
My heart dropped and my spirits came crashing down. Of course he was hurt. I left. I left without a goodbye. And then, the thought that never crossed my mind before seeped into my mind and stuck there.
What if he didn't wait for me?
What if he couldn't forgive me?
What if he moved on?
What if he didn't want me anymore?
"Well, that one's for sure…Here it is, newly released by Joe Jonas, called Stay Gone."
He wanted to communicate with me, he got it. This right here, right now, would make or break it. A sad acoustic tune filled my ears and the tears once again welled in my eyes, this was it. The beginning of something new, or the end—the end of it all.
I've found peace of mind, I'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side, back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And I can finally say
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
I still love you and I will forever
We can't hide the truth
We know each other better
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
It's not supposed to be that way
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
Love ain't supposed to be that way
So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In ooh in God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone.
I pulled on the side of the road after the first verse…stay gone? He wanted me to stay gone? He loved me but he wanted me to stay gone? I was sobbing in my hands after the first chorus, the weight of his sad words pushing down on me and I felt my breath coming in shallow gasps, tears pouring down my face.
He made it clear.
It was done.
He was done.
Alright, I know, 2 songs right?
well i had to find some way to incorporate Joe's feelings while she was gone...so that's the only way i could think of...
let me know what you think loves :)
Songs: I'll Run - The Cab & Stay Gone - Jimmy Wayne
