She couldn't quite remember how she ended up on the back of Daryl's bike. All she knew was Judith was going through a growth spurt and was guzzling formula at a rate of knots. Carl had been complaining she kept waking him up in the night with her crying.
"She's hungry, son. It's not her fault," Rick replied, placing his free hand on Carl's shoulder as he bobbed a grizzly Judith with his other arm.
"Maybe she needs more formula in her bottle?" Beth interjected, as she tenderly took Judith from Rick's arms.
"I think she needs that stuff Mom used to put in with your milk, Beth. It was gloopy stuff, powdered, and she mixed it with her breast milk. It looked gross, but it shut you up," Maggie joined in, grinning at her little sister.
"Baby rice," Carol finally added from her position folding laundry on the table. "I think she's ready for solids, Rick. I remember Sophia at that age. She was sickly and crying all the time. Ed hated it. But as soon as she got some pureed carrot in her, she was like a different baby."
"Well we'd need those awful jars of processed mush, no blenders here," Hershel joined in the debate.
"Jesus Christ!"
A frustrated voice rang out above them. They all looked up to see Daryl leaning over the walkway.
"We having meetings every time Lil Ass Kicker shits her diaper now? 'Sake people, make a decision and I'll do a run. You bunch o' babies whine more than she does." He wiggled his fingers cutely at Judith's face as he walked past her, now cooing happily in Beth's arms."Gimme a list."
"We had to try three different brands on Carl before he'd do anything other than spit it straight back in Lori's face," Rick replied, while Carl stood behind him looking awkward. "I can't remember what one worked."
And at that point, the debate had kicked off again.
Eventually, somehow, they all agreed that Carol had the most knowledge of this and it would be best if she accompanied Daryl on the run to make sure he got the right stuff and all bases were covered. She didn't remember volunteering, or even agreeing, it was just decided. Before she knew it she was handed a rucksack with a handgun and ammo in the pocket and was perching on the back of Daryl's bike.
As he rode them out of the prison yard and into the open, she swung the large rucksack on her back ready to fill it with a selection of edibles to tempt little Judith's taste buds and fill her growing tummy. It was a lot like the bag she used to carry when she took Sophia out for day trips. She wished the side netting had a bottle of formula in it instead of a 45.
Instantly she realised it had been a long time since she was on the back of the bike. During the winter she'd ridden with Daryl often. When she'd been distrustful of Rick and had to get away from the tension between him and Lori, it was her safe place to go but it had never seemed a big deal. They were all so exhausted and fearful; it was a case of just holding tight and praying that their cavalcade would make it through another day intact. This felt different.
She felt awkward and couldn't remember where she used to put her hands those few short months ago. She gripped the bar behind her, but Daryl paused as soon as they hit the road. He twisted round to her.
"You holdin' on or what? This ain't a Sunday afternoon stroll!" He said, looking somewhat confused.
Carol leant forward and gripped his sides, gathering handfuls of his leather vest but keeping the majority of her torso away from him.
Why was she suddenly feeling this was such an odd thing? All winter they'd lived in all kinds if awkward and uncomfortable situations - both literal and emotional- and not once did she feel like this.
But really, she knew what it was. In winter they were a family; a group; a homogeneous "one" existing purely to get Lori through and find a place to be safe and settled. The flames that had started burning in her heart back at the farm were quashed and smothered as there was no "I" and "you", "her" and "him", only "us" and "them". However, once they'd reached the prison, they had all separated again; become individuals; people with different needs, feelings and desires. And that breathing space they'd been given had fanned her embers back into a roaring fire.
Daryl was her reason; her hope; her lifeline; but she'd tried to keep a lid on it. There were so many reasons - so many - not to tell him. It wasn't the time, life was complicated enough without that ridiculously complicated dance. Chances are he saw her as nothing but a friend - a good friend, she knew that, but anything more was deeply unlikely. She was no fool, and she wasn't going to act like one.
But now, this was the first time they'd had any prolonged contact in weeks and it scared her. What if he could sense it? So she leaned back but held on as they wound their way through the abandoned streets.
It was hot and sunny and the recent rain had made everything look lush. If it wasn't for the decaying bodies shuffling along the roads, it might have been a beautiful drive. The kind you go on when you're dating. She cringed internally at her thoughts wandering back down that road again and swiftly focused her mind back on Judith, just in case Daryl could suddenly read minds.
After some time the scenery changed and they entered a suburb with large sprawling houses. Daryl had obviously scouted out the area already, as he seemed to know where he was going.
"Drug store do ya?" He called back to her.
"Yes, perfect," she replied, leaning closer to his ear.
He gave her another odd look that Carol couldn't make out. Was he sensing her awkwardness and wondering what was going on? Or was it something else?
They pulled up in front of a large building on the edge of the suburb. Sitting alone in a scrubby expanse, half of it was taken over by a bank and half by a drug store. It seems incongruous, especially as Carol could make out piles of money lying all over the bank's floor and tables. Daryl must have seen it too.
"Hey forget the formula, we could be millionaires," he joked; nodding his head toward the glass fronted building, as he parked the bike and climbed off.
"Sure, I could buy a pony and you could have a speed boat," she smiled in return, glad to be off the bike and back to comfortable territory with him.
"We could buy Hershel one of them Terminator bionic legs," Daryl continued, as he swung his bow up to his face and paced towards the drug store.
"He's already on top of that. Didn't you see he'd taped a gun to the bottom of his leg the other day?" Carol spoke quietly, as she followed behind him.
She took the rucksack off her shoulders and put her arms back through the straps the wrong way so it sat flat against her chest, like the papoose she'd carried Sophia in for the first few months of her life. Carol pulled the gun from the pocket and forced thoughts of her daughter out of her mind.
They fell silent as Daryl pushed the door of the store open and scanned it with his bow. Thankfully it seemed empty. No sign of walker life. They entered the stifling building and Carol secured the door behind them.
"Get started, I'll check the back rooms," Daryl whispered.
Carol nodded and scanned the low shelves set out in wide rows for the baby food section. She quickly found it and sorted through a selection of food that should keep Judith going. She was swiftly packing it into the bag, still on her front, when Daryl returned. His bow was slung over his shoulder and he had a relaxed gait.
"All clear," he said in his normal voice. "Back way's secured too. Not even anyone in the john. You getting what we need?"
"Yeah, I think we should get as much as we can, medicine too," Carol replied as she pulled a teething ring off a hook on a swirly stand.
"What the hell's that?" Daryl queried, looking perplexed at the blue plastic ring. "She's not going to eat that is she?"
Carol smiled.
"No, she just chews it! It's a teething ring, it's filled with gel. You're meant to keep it in the refrigerator, and the cold gel numbs the pain. We can't keep it cold, but at least she can chew on it without getting prison cooties."
Daryl gave a smile in response to Carol's joke, and idly twirled the stand, as Carol put some plastic spoons and little tubs into the bag.
"They taking the piss?" he suddenly exclaimed. "One side's baby junk, and the other side's this!"
He held up a packet of condoms that'd he'd pulled off the stand. Carol let out a small laugh.
"Trying to make a point, I guess," Carol said as she walked over to Daryl's side of the display carousel.
He had opened the box and was holding up the long strip of gold packets in front of him.
"Thank fuck I don't have to deal with these anymore," he said dryly.
Carol nearly leapt back at his sudden statement. He wasn't one to offer personal insights unprovoked, especially on anything as intimate as his sex life. He must have sensed her shock.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm no dumb ass. I ain't Merle. He was in that VD clinic more times than he was in jail, an' that's saying' somethin'. I always used protection... Well, nearly always. But geez, I hated these slimy, rubber fuckers. Like swimmin' with your clothes on."
Carol stood with her mouth agape at this explosion of personal information. The room was hot but it suddenly felt a lot hotter. Was he telling her this for a reason?
She was suddenly aware the pause after he'd spoken might have been drawing on too long, so she thought she'd offer his some insights of her own. Besides, she wanted to encourage him to share more like this. She loved the little nuggets of himself he'd throw her occasionally, but this was no nugget. It was an entire Happy Meal.
"Ed felt the same, but he didn't have to use them much. We tried for Sophia for a long time, and after I had her we thought our family was complete, so Ed said I should get sterilised."
Her face and voice fell. She hadn't meant to go there; hadn't meant to remind herself that her family was gone and the chance for more had been robbed from her as much by Ed as it had been from walkers.
Daryl must have not wanted to go there either, as he ignored her comment and looked back at the condoms.
"We best take some of these back for Pinky and Perky," he said and dropped them into Carol's bag.
She followed him to the back of the store where the pharmacy was housed. Hershel had long taught them what drugs to look out for if ever the opportunity arose.
"That should last 'em about twelve hours, rate they're at it," he continued over his shoulder as he wandered between the high narrow shelves.
"Oh, come on, it's sweet," Carol replied as she squeezed between Daryl and the shelf, as back-to-back they methodically read all the labels. Occasionally each of them would throw something in her bag, which she now held by her side so they could both access it.
She knew he was talking about Maggie and Glenn, whose need for constant physical evidence of their love meant that they were always sloping off to prove it to each other.
"It ain't so sweet when you got to listen to 'em banging like hammers in the middle of the night. Shit, I've walked in on 'em twice this week already. And one of them times, they was meant to be on watch."
Carol laughed over her shoulder at his grumpiness. She liked this dynamic they had. She liked that he could complain to her, joke with her, just be himself with her. But it wasn't helping her lid stay shut, in fact it was making the pot positively boil.
"God it's hot in here," she commented as sweat dripped down her back. With the glass front and no air conditioning the store was like a hot house. Her proximity to Daryl wasn't helping either, and the thought that she'd soon have to climb back on that bike and wrap her arms around him had begun pressing on her mind too.
"No, shit," was all Daryl responded as they both went to put a handful of drugs into the bag at the same time. Their hands touched and they both froze. Daryl made an apologetic face. He'd felt it too, hadn't he? Carol wondered. He must have felt that electricity, that spark that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. If he did, he didn't show it. He went back to staring intently at the shelves.
Carol moved a couple of feet to the left so they were no longer sharing the same space. She breathed deeply and tried to focus again.
"You can't blame Glenn," she said, hoping to get back to the jokey atmosphere of a moment ago. "You must remember what it was like to be his age? Wouldn't you be taking every chance you got with a beautiful, brunette, farmer's daughter?"
Her voice was light and teasing but when she looked over at Daryl, his face was dark. He walked towards her with an armful of painkillers.
"I ain't that old," he said seriously, as he dumped the load into the bag that Carol held open. "And I ain't into brunette, farmer's daughters."
He leaned in lose to Carol's face with his latter statement. What the hell was he doing? Was he mad, had she somehow insulted him? She searched his face for clues but all she got was his intense stare, and beads of sweat trickling down his forehead.
She felt as if her feet couldn't reach the floor and she tried to swim back to dry land.
"Oh," she managed to reply smiling, trying to bring back the teasing lightness. "What are you into?"
"You."
It was one word, low and gruff, practically a grunt, but it rocked Carol's world. She felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Show me," she said.
It was a dare, a challenge and a plea all at once. She was pushing her luck, pushing him. She wanted to know where he was going and what he was thinking.
He paused for a moment and seemed to search her face with his eyes. She didn't flinch.
She was aware of sweat running down her face and collecting in her philtrum as their eye-lock continued for who knows how long.
Finally he moved. He raised a hand and wiped a rough thumb softly across her mouth, smearing the salty sweat onto her lips. He raised his eyebrows as if saying "Well? Your turn." Carol took it. She leaned into him, tilting her head achingly slowly to his.
Two could play this game, whatever game it was.
For some seconds they stood that way, breathing into each other's mouths, the trickling sweat the only movement between them, before finally Carol tipped that extra inch forward and caught his bottom lip between hers. He inhaled sharply in response, and just as she felt his lips close around hers a muffled crash outside pulled them apart.
