Diclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter. As for the marriage law thing, that was someone else's idea too, I think it was a challenge. This was supposed to be a parody of a marriage-law fic. But eh...

Warning: Rating for language, violence and adult themes.

Authors Note: Story takes place during OoTP, or starts there at least. Slightly AU. This is mainly a Humor/Romance/Drama. I'm not sure at this point if the whole thing is told in first person, at least for the first part. I got a good part of this story worked out so, it should be pretty entertaining and interesting. And for anyone reading Gumby, don't worry I will still be writing that in the meantime while writing this as well.

Summary: The story of Delilah Emma Lovett, and how everything had always been wrong and would always go wrong. Marriage-law, it's been done, but not like this.

Unrequited Wrong

Prologue: My Self-Introduction

At the moment, nothing seems important to me, so much so to the point that I'm ready to give up on the life that I have for some reason worked so hard to keep even though it's never been at all worth it. However, if you are to understand the situation I'm in, I suppose you should know everything. Therefore, I suppose I should introduce myself.

My name is Delilah Emma Lovett and I'm about to start my seventh year, (I'm in Ravenclaw) at Hogwarts. If you care about my physical appearance, I can describe myself as long. You see I got long arms, fingers, legs and neck. Although I'm pretty short, standing at only five feet and four inches. Some people think I'm tiny, cause I also happen to be very thin. I really have no boobs to speak of and I don't have hips, I have hip bones. I got teeny, tiny wrists which are snappable and have no physical strength to speak of. My face, I suppose its ok, but no one would ever refer to it as beautiful and if they do, it's a bold faced lie. I have straight hair that I keep down just past my shoulders, but won't allow it to grow any longer cause I do not have the patience to deal with it. Naturally my hair is jet black, but because I do not wish to look like a certain potions master, I dye it with a six-month solution a lilac color. As for my eyes, see once more the reference to the Head of Slytherin.

Anyway, if you wish to hear about my life at home, well I'm pretty sure my father was a wizard as he is currently in Azkaban and has been since before I was born. My mother, she put me up for adoption as soon as my umbilical cord was cut and I grew up in a muggle orphanage. Due to the fact it was a poor orphanage, I suppose I grew up as an urchin. I suppose I have a colorful language and have a tendency to be temperamental and shout and become violent. I suppose the reason I only have one friend is because Monica Roberts is the only person that can stand me. I suppose its because she's got her own colorful tongue and is just as crazy as I am. Actually she's crazier.

Umm... I'm an insomniac. It stems from my fear of what will happen to me when I fall asleep. Mainly because for some reason or other, mean spirits are attracted by me and they tend to like to bug and hurt me. Many a times have I awoken with my body covered in bruises and feeling like I've been run over by a truck. At school, Peeves in particular loves to pick on me, and I absolutely refuse to go anywhere near the Shrieking Shack because of the supposed violent spirits that reside there. I do not need that type of attention. And please do not confuse Spirits for ghost because they are different entities.

What else? Ah yes, I started to... collect (some would say steal), large silver rings, for when one of the kids picked a fight with me, I'd have something to inflict damage with as my string-bean arms cannot put any strength behind a punch. That is why most of the time you will find that I wear a ring on almost every single finger of both hands. At first I only fought to defend myself, but I started to like it. However, I still only do it in self-defense. This includes verbal arguments.

And now onto me as a student. Well you would think that as a Ravenclaw I'm a perfect student, but you'd be wrong. Not to say I'm not intelligent, but I'm lazy. I prefer not to do homework as its pointless, but I suppose I do well in my classes, when I pay attention. You see I'm easily distracted. Mostly because I like to make up spells and test the boundaries of wandless magic and experiment with it. I have notebooks and notebooks full of information I take from absolutely everything that I read, which encompasses a very large variety of subjects, and thats what I use for experiments.

Unfortunately, being messy and forgetful makes it a little hard to find something in particular that I wrote down that I wish to test out. Oh and something that you should know about pure magic (which is what you feel with wandless magic), it cuts up your skin and cracks it when you are pushing too far beyond your limit. That is why many times you might see my hands bandaged with masking tape (which I use cause its all that rat hole of an orphanage had to cover wounds and I got used to it).

Now I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me, I'm not some crazy temperamental bitch. I tend to be very quiet, distracted, oblivious person. I hardly notice what goes on around me and therefore I can't get angry as much as I would if I paid attention to what goes on around me. Most people tend to ignore me, and most of my Professors only seemed to be vexed about the fact that I don't work up to my full potential. But I don't care about people in repects to what they think of me.

As I turned of age the previous September, which I'll explain why that is a problem soon, I refused to return to the Orphanage. Currently, I'm living in the Leaky Cauldron and I work in Flourish and Blotts. What I get paid mostly goes for my room and food, and the rest I save up for my school supplies. My best friend of course offered me a place to stay and all that, but I grew up to be self-reliant.

I did once make the mistake of depending on someone to be my sunshine and all that shit, but I won't be making that mistake again. In case you're wondering, the mistake's name is Jake Dawson and we were dating for two years and just broke up in May. I suppose it really is my fault, and for quite some time I've had a gaping hole in me that wants to be filled and the pain is a little hard to ignore. It's not that I miss the bastard, but I do miss being loved by someone. Now I feel incomplete. Not that I'd ever let anyone see that. Not even Monica and she's been my best-friend since first year. You see, I abhor weakness and therefore refuse to show any, especially in the form of tears.

Now, onto my problem, every couple decades or so the Ministry passes a law to control the masses. They call it their felicity campaign, but how interesting that they only care about the felicity of muggle-borns and half-bloods. You see what this campaign entails is the marriage of all muggle-borns and half-bloods who are of age by a certain deadline (1/1/95), which I was. At the time, I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend and I thought that by June 15, 1995, which was the deadline to be married, that we would. Unfortunately we fell apart one month prior to the date.

I thought that was the end of it, but how wrong I was. A few weeks back, I got a questioner from the darpartment of felicity, which I was to answer truthfully to and send back as soon as possible. At the time, I had been pulling a 12 hour shift and was half-asleep when filling out the stupid thing and my brain didn't connect as to what this was about. Now what the problem is, it that a week or two ago, I got another letter from the department of felicity and it stated that based on my answers, they had picked out a husband for me and that if I did not marry him by September 1st that I would be placed in Azkaban prison, sentence-pending.

You would think that this was the worst of it but no, not for Delilah Emma Lovett. No, the person I was betrothed to be married to was none other than Severus Tobias Snape, the Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Withcraft of Wizardry (I never even knew his first name before I got the stupid letter). I had to marry the snarky bastard who made everyone's life a living hell. Not to mention that the previous year I particularly came under his range of fire as I was supporting Harry Potter as the school champion (you see I hated Cedric 'cause he was stupid Jake's best friend. Cedric lied to me all those times that Jake was cheating on me).

I wish I could say that there was a way out of this, but there wasn't. Professor Snape and I both appealed to Professor Dumbledore but there was nothing he could do about it (besides he had alot on his plate what with the return of the Dark Lord) and on August 31st we were married. Don't ask me how the whole thing went as I have no fucking clue. I spaced out during the whole ceremony. Which from what Monica says, only constituted her, Dumbledore, the ministry official that married us and of course me and Snape. She said that most of it was judicial jargain that she herself spaced out on and then Snape and I had to sign a contract and that Dumbledore and her had to sign as witnesses.

Now if you think that all of this can't get any worse, it can. You see, I have to live with him and worst of all, we are expected to have proof that we consummated the marriage within a year. Meaning by next August, I should at least be one month preggy or I will be going to Azkaban and so will Snape. Some government, huh?

At the moment Monica and I are on our way to Hogwarts on the express. All my stuff is packed up and I have spent my last night in the Leaky Cauldron and from this day forth, I will be living with Professor Snape in his private quarters. Our marriage is to be kept a secret and for my remainder at Hogwarts, I shall be known was Miss Lovett and when I go to our rooms, I am to be discreet (which I suppose makes it good I'm mainly invisible to my classmates). But all the teachers are aware of me and Snape's situation and of course Monica knows.

"Hello!!!!!" I snap out of my thoughts and look over at Monica, whom I've been ignoring thus far as I've been so lost in my own thoughts. I look into Monica's chocolate brown eyes and I'm sure the expression on my face looks quite stupid. Monica is who I wished I could be. She's so full of strength (unlike mine which is only the ability to pretend), and she's bold and wild. Not to mention she is brilliant and all the boys think she's sexy with her long, curly chocolate hair and gorgeous face and body to kill for. However, she uses the Monroe philosiphy "Kiss but don't love, listen but do not believe and leave before you are left".

"Huh?" I say dumbly as she looks at me, a perfectly sculpted brown brow lifting slightly over her perfect eyes.

"I said what are you and Snape going to do about the consummation thing?" Monica asks as she looks at me. I blink as I look at her and shrug my shoulders as I pull my neglected notebooks into a hug. Ever since I found out I had to marry Snape, I've kind of been neglecting my experiments, which until recently had been my whole world. The only distraction from that gaping hole that Jake left, which is why I'd become particularly feverish with them after the break up.

"I don't know, not like we had a chance to talk about it after the ceremony as you well know," I replied. Monica and I had been taken back to the Leaky Cauldron after the "wedding" and she was supposed to help me pack up all my things. Not necessary as there wasn't much to pack up. We set out together to the Hogwarts Express that morning, via Knight Bus. Monica paid, much to my chagrin. But I suppose its 'cause she's a rich pureblood and she likes to be generous with me. I HATE that, but she's my friend so I allow it.

"Well he's made it very apparent that he doesn't want to touch you with even the tip of his wand, no pun intended," Monica said as she grinned over at me. I merely shrug in response to this.

"Muggles have artificial insemination, so I guess I can start working on a spell to make a magical equivalent to that," I say with a shrug.

"You are willing to bring a child into a loveless marriage?" Monica asks. I glare over at her.

"Not like I have a bloody choice you asshole," I snap out angrily. Monica rolls her eyes as she leans back and crosses her arms over her chest.

"No need to get all sensitive, it was just a question, you stupid whore," Monica says with a grin (yes I know our friendship is strange with the name-calling). As much as I would like to be like her, sometimes I just want to smack the crap out of her, which I have done in the past (resulting in an all out brawl between us, after which we make up). However, at the moment, I'm too emotionally exhausted. I would have had the hardest time getting out of bed this morning had I not spent the whole night awake. "So... whats going to happen at the castle?"

"My crap is going to be taken to his rooms and I'm supposed to meet him at his office after dinner, or at least that's what I think he said in the short OWL he sent me this morning," I say with a shrug as I look through my pockets for the stupid letter. I give up my search when I can't find it. "He said I can have his room and he'd sleep on the couch."

Monica raises a brow at this. "That's decent of him, who knew he could be decent," Monica said. I smile at this, his offer to give up his room had been a surprise to me too. Not that I thought the Potions Master to be a complete ogre, I knew there had to be some good to him, I just simply thought I'd die before I saw it.

"I'm not going to take it though. I sleep very little as it is, whats the point of the both of us not getting any sleep? Besides, he's an arse as it is, I'd hate to see what he's like sleep deprived," I reply with a shrug. Monica smiles at this as she knows it true. Everyone knows it is true.

"Besides, it would be disgusting to sleep in the same place as him," she said. I merely shrug at this, I don't care about appearances. Sure Snape isn't much to look at, but he could look worse. I don't even think the greasy hair is that disgusting, considering I hardly go through the trouble of taking care of my own hair. The fact of the matter is, there are more important things than looks. Besides, being good looking just makes you predisposed to be vain, arrogant and selfish.

"Its not like he has cooties or nothing," I say, causing us to both burst into laughter. You see, laughter is key. If you are ever depressed, laugh at stupid stuff as much as you can and you can live through anything. Especially if you have a friend like Monica. Suddenly, life isn't as daunting now that I've remembered that.

TBC..

A/n: Reviews are much appreciated. So please leave a review and tell me what you think of it so far.