Enjolras and his Amazing Technicolor Waistcoat
::The Mizzies are standing around looking thoroughly cheesed off::
Valjean: It appears there is an epidemic.
Javert: I can't believe that someone else is jumping on the bandwagon.
Eponine: This is like, the fourth person to do this to us!
Joly: Monsieur, when you said epidemic...?
Bahorel: Oh, dieu Joly, you're hopeless!
Courfeyrac: Look, can we hurry this up please? I've got an appointment with my tailor.
Gavroche: Yeah sure tailor!
Bousset: Little kids grow up so fast these days, don't they?
Me: ::Bursting in:: Gah! So sorry I'm late guys! That's what last minute Philosophy-essay-writing does to you...
Valjean: Yeah, whatever.
Me: Well, excuse me!
Gavroche: You're excused.
Me: Oh for goodness sakes! Look I said I was sorry.
Javert: Well, if you'd done the essay when it was set...
Me: ::evil glare at Javert:: Yeah, yeah. Anyway,
Bousset: So why are we here?
Me: If you'd just let me
Thenardier: I hope we're not doing anything today.
Me: Why would I get you here if
Marius: Ooh! Maybe we can go to Disneyland today!
Me: As fun as that would be, that's not
Cosette: Oh yes! Then we can go see all the princesses for real!
Me: That's just weird. No, we can't just go
Gavroche: Can I see Mickey Mouse?
Me: You could, if we were actually
Eponine: I'm actually kinda looking forward to this.
Me: I'm sorry, but we're not going to
Amis: Field trip!
Me: QUUUIIIIEEEEETTTT! ::Everyone finally shuts up and looks at me:: Look. I'm sorry, but we're not gonna go to Disneyland.
Javert: Why not?
Me: Cos I can't afford it.
Thenardier: Well, I'm sure I could
Me: No!
Javert: Or I'm sure Valjean would have no worries about
Valjean: Are you implying something?
Javert: No.
Valjean: Good.
Javert: I was saying it outright.
Valjean: Oh, go wax your sideburns!
Javert: How dare you!
Me: Boys! You're behaving like six-year-olds!
Javert: Boys?
Valjean: As canon characters, we're over half a century older than you!
Me: Fine. Men! You're behaving like six-year-olds!
Jehan: That seems an interesting use of juxtaposition.
Me: See? Boys was better.
Combeferre: I actually agree with her on this.
Me: Thanks, 'Ferre. Now, if I can just get this back on topic
Grantaire: There was a topic?
Me: ...You're awake?
Grantaire: I am now.
Me: Okay then. And yes, there was a topic. Or at least I was trying to introduce a topic.
Marius: So what was the topic?
Me: Which? The one we were on or the one I was trying to get us on? ::The Mizzies all give me death-glares:: Okay guys, chill! The topic was... performing!
All: Surprise, surprise.
Me: Specifically, Joseph.
All: Huh?
Me: Well, since all the others who do this seem to have you performing hard shows, I thought we should do something fluffy for a change.
Joly: Fluffy?
Javert: Like lawyer-boy's hair?
Valjean: Or Javert's sideburns?
Courfeyrac: They're fluffy?
Fantine: You know they're fluffy?
Me: ...Okay.
Gavroche: You know how Valjean counted the number of times one writer lady said anyway?
Me: Yeah?
Gavroche: I think we should do that with you for okay.
Me: Do and you're dead!
Gavroche: ::shrugs:: Most of us are dead anyway.
Me:... Touché. So. Back on topic, I decided you guys are gonna perform Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!
All: ::grumble::
Me: And now, the casting!
Fantine: Oh joy.
Me: Okay –
Gavroche: One.
Me: Grr. First, Joseph is ... Enjolras!
::silence. Crickets chirp::
Feuilly: I don't think he's here.
Me: No, he's here.
Eponine: How do you know?
Me: I'm the writer. I want someone to be here, all I need to do is write them in. Like so.
::Enjolras suddenly appears, looking very grumpy::
Enjolras: Dang it!
Javert: Hmm... Impressive! We could use someone like you with the police
Me: Absolutely not!
Javert: Hmph.
Valjean: Aw, did the mean writer girl just snub the big tough Inspector?
Javert: Go away!
Me: I'm sorry Javert, but I'm extremely left-wing, and if I had my way there'd be no need for a police force.
Thenardier: Oh fantastic. Another revolutionary.
Me: Hell yeah! Furniture wall! ::silence. Crickets:: Ahem. Sorry. Okay –
Feuilly: Two.
Me: Fine! So, Enjy, you're Joseph.
Grantaire: How come Apollo always gets the main parts in these things?
Me: Because he's handsome, brilliant, a great leader, inspirational, an awesome singer, and generally one of the most epic fictional characters ever created. Happy?
Enjolras: ::blushing:: Well, I don't really think I'm all that...
Me: Trust me. You are. Well, as long as you're played by the right people. (And that means: NO JUSTIN BEIBER/ZAC EFRON/JONAS BROTHER/LATEST DISNEY POSTERBOY...EVER! Clear enough, Sir Cameron?)
Valjean: Um... That was weird.
Me: That is what we writers call an author's note. Back on topic, Enjy = Joseph. Done, good. Jacob is Valjean.
Valjean: And how did you get there?
Me: ::shrug:: Well, when you save Enjy from the sniper... And it was either you or Javert.
Javert: So why didn't you pick me?
Me: You'd be at each other's throats the whole time! The finale would be rubbish!
Enjolras: Well, I for one am not unhappy with that casting choice.
Me: Excellent. Enjolras approved; the matter is settled. Moving on. Narrator... Eponine.
Eponine: Oh, wicked!
Marius: No. Joseph.
All: ::groan::
Me: ...So, moving swiftly past that god-awful so-called joke, Marius will be Potipher.
Marius: What? Why?
Me: A mild punishment for that joke, plus I find you annoying, unless you're being played by Michael Ball.
Marius: Hmph.
Me: Therefore, Mrs Potipher is Cosette.
Cosette: What?
Marius: My wife has to hit on Enjolras?
Me: Yep.
Cosette: Why are you picking on us?
Me: Because, compared to all the other characters, you're lame. Sorry. Plus, I just had to see your reactions. ::evil grin::
Enjolras: Sorry, a married woman has to – to use Marius's coarse phrasing – hit on me?
Me: Ah, yes. Sorry 'bout that.
Grantaire: Oh, this is just too good!
Enjolras: Oh be quiet!
Me: Avoiding conflict! Next, Pharaoh will be played by Grantaire.
All: What?
Me: Yeah, couldn't resist.
Grantaire: So I'm in charge? Awe-some!
Enjolras: Oh god help us all...
Me: Don't worry. You're still the most popular.
Enjolras: ::brightens slightly::
Javert: So we've got a street rat narrating, an ancient escaped convict as the father of a pretty-boy revolutionary dream-interpreter, and a drunk as king?
Me: Pharaoh. Not king.
Javert: Whatever. ::sighs:: We're doomed.
Me: Well, thank you for that vote of confidence Mr I-can't-catch-a-runaway-convict-so-I-may-as-well-jump-off-a-bridge.
Javert: ::sulks:: And you had to bring that up...
Me: Yeah. Sue me.
Javert: Fine! ::grabs Marius:: Tell it to my lawyer!
Marius: I'm not your lawyer!
Javert: You are now!
Me: Oh jeez! ::facepalm:: Can we please get on with this?
Combeferre: Again, I'm in agreement with the writer. We're on the fifth page and we haven't really been doing anything.
Me: Thanks again. Okay
Bahorel: Three.
Me: ::death-glare:: Now, the Butler and Baker.
All: ::hold breath, slightly scared::
Me: The Butler will be Javert
All: ::burst out laughing::
Javert: Why have you got a vendetta against me?
Me: Actually, I haven't. It's just that you embody the system of authority, and I am sworn to destroy said system.
Javert: Hmph.
Me: Look, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll get one of my friends to give you a hug later, okay?
Bousset: Four.
Me: ::clenches fist::
Javert: I thank you for your offer, but that seems a little weird.
Me: Yeah, it does doesn't it. Oh well. Now you can't say I don't care about you.
Javert: Oh darn!
Me: Hehe. Forward planning, guys. ::to the Amis:: It's useful. Honest.
Eponine: Can we...?
Me: Ah yes. Thank you Eponine. Thenardier is the Baker.
Thenardier: But I don't cook.
Master of the House Customers: Don't we know it...
Me: It doesn't matter. You're gonna get executed anyway.
Thenardier: Gee, thanks.
Me: You're most welcome. I think that's all the solo parts done. Now, the brothers.
Combeferre: Can I be Simeon?
Courfeyrac: Shotgun Judah!
Bahorel: Reuben!
Feuilly: Can I not have a solo?
Bousset: I really don't care who I play.
Me: Will you all just calm down? ::Amis go quiet:: Thank you. Right, here goes. Reuben = Bahorel.
Bahorel: Awesome!
Me: Simeon = Combeferre.
Combeferre: Yes!
Me: Levi = Feuilly.
Feuilly: Okay.
Me: Napthali = Montparnasse.
All: What?
Me: ::shrugs:: Well, there aren't enough Amis, so I had to get the others from somewhere.
Montparnasse: So I actually have to do stuff?
Me: Yes.
Montparnasse: ::grumbles and twirls his knife, glaring at me evilly::
Me: Ahem. Issachar = Bousset.
Bousset: Um... cool.
Me: Asher = Babet.
Babet: ::high-fives Montparnasse::
Me: Dan = Joly.
Joly: ::sneezes::
Me: Bless you. Zebulon = Claquesous.
Claquesous: ::high-fives Parnasse and Babet::
Me: Gad = Jehan.
Jehan: Oh, good!
Me: Benjamin = Gavroche.
Gavroche: Do I get a solo?
Me: Um... no.
Gavroche: ::grumbles::
Me: Well, if I can, I'll give you one.
Javert: ::cough:: Favoritism! ::cough::
Me: So I like Gavroche. Get over it. And Courfeyrac is Judah.
Courfeyrac: I is happy!
Me:... Yeah.
Enjolras: I have a question.
Javert: Ooh! Look at the rebel being all polite!
Me: Believe it or not, Javvie, girls do actually appreciate manners more than a nightstick in their face.
Javert: They do? ::takes out notebook and scribbles it down::
Everyone: ::stares::
Javert: ::seeing everyone staring at him:: Ahem. Sorry. What?
Valjean: I can't believe what I've just seen.
Eponine: You have a notebook on how to score with girls?
Javert: What? No! This is my... shopping list. I'm making a list of shopping. I'm going to shop for what I put on my list.
Courfeyrac: Yeah. Sure.
Me: People! Behave! And don't tease Javert. I can't deal with him getting all upset right now.
Javert: Me! Upset! Hmph!
Me: ::ignoring him:: Now, I'm going to go get some food, and when I get back I'm starting. And you are all going to behave. Got it?
Everyone: ::grumble and whine but eventually agree::
Me: Good. Now, bye all! ::leaves::
