Enjolras and his Amazing Technicolor Waistcoat

::The Mizzies are standing around looking thoroughly cheesed off::

Valjean: It appears there is an epidemic.

Javert: I can't believe that someone else is jumping on the bandwagon.

Eponine: This is like, the fourth person to do this to us!

Joly: Monsieur, when you said epidemic...?

Bahorel: Oh, dieu Joly, you're hopeless!

Courfeyrac: Look, can we hurry this up please? I've got an appointment with my tailor.

Gavroche: Yeah sure tailor!

Bousset: Little kids grow up so fast these days, don't they?

Me: ::Bursting in:: Gah! So sorry I'm late guys! That's what last minute Philosophy-essay-writing does to you...

Valjean: Yeah, whatever.

Me: Well, excuse me!

Gavroche: You're excused.

Me: Oh for goodness sakes! Look I said I was sorry.

Javert: Well, if you'd done the essay when it was set...

Me: ::evil glare at Javert:: Yeah, yeah. Anyway,

Bousset: So why are we here?

Me: If you'd just let me

Thenardier: I hope we're not doing anything today.

Me: Why would I get you here if

Marius: Ooh! Maybe we can go to Disneyland today!

Me: As fun as that would be, that's not

Cosette: Oh yes! Then we can go see all the princesses for real!

Me: That's just weird. No, we can't just go

Gavroche: Can I see Mickey Mouse?

Me: You could, if we were actually

Eponine: I'm actually kinda looking forward to this.

Me: I'm sorry, but we're not going to

Amis: Field trip!

Me: QUUUIIIIEEEEETTTT! ::Everyone finally shuts up and looks at me:: Look. I'm sorry, but we're not gonna go to Disneyland.

Javert: Why not?

Me: Cos I can't afford it.

Thenardier: Well, I'm sure I could

Me: No!

Javert: Or I'm sure Valjean would have no worries about

Valjean: Are you implying something?

Javert: No.

Valjean: Good.

Javert: I was saying it outright.

Valjean: Oh, go wax your sideburns!

Javert: How dare you!

Me: Boys! You're behaving like six-year-olds!

Javert: Boys?

Valjean: As canon characters, we're over half a century older than you!

Me: Fine. Men! You're behaving like six-year-olds!

Jehan: That seems an interesting use of juxtaposition.

Me: See? Boys was better.

Combeferre: I actually agree with her on this.

Me: Thanks, 'Ferre. Now, if I can just get this back on topic

Grantaire: There was a topic?

Me: ...You're awake?

Grantaire: I am now.

Me: Okay then. And yes, there was a topic. Or at least I was trying to introduce a topic.

Marius: So what was the topic?

Me: Which? The one we were on or the one I was trying to get us on? ::The Mizzies all give me death-glares:: Okay guys, chill! The topic was... performing!

All: Surprise, surprise.

Me: Specifically, Joseph.

All: Huh?

Me: Well, since all the others who do this seem to have you performing hard shows, I thought we should do something fluffy for a change.

Joly: Fluffy?

Javert: Like lawyer-boy's hair?

Valjean: Or Javert's sideburns?

Courfeyrac: They're fluffy?

Fantine: You know they're fluffy?

Me: ...Okay.

Gavroche: You know how Valjean counted the number of times one writer lady said anyway?

Me: Yeah?

Gavroche: I think we should do that with you for okay.

Me: Do and you're dead!

Gavroche: ::shrugs:: Most of us are dead anyway.

Me:... Touché. So. Back on topic, I decided you guys are gonna perform Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!

All: ::grumble::

Me: And now, the casting!

Fantine: Oh joy.

Me: Okay –

Gavroche: One.

Me: Grr. First, Joseph is ... Enjolras!

::silence. Crickets chirp::

Feuilly: I don't think he's here.

Me: No, he's here.

Eponine: How do you know?

Me: I'm the writer. I want someone to be here, all I need to do is write them in. Like so.

::Enjolras suddenly appears, looking very grumpy::

Enjolras: Dang it!

Javert: Hmm... Impressive! We could use someone like you with the police

Me: Absolutely not!

Javert: Hmph.

Valjean: Aw, did the mean writer girl just snub the big tough Inspector?

Javert: Go away!

Me: I'm sorry Javert, but I'm extremely left-wing, and if I had my way there'd be no need for a police force.

Thenardier: Oh fantastic. Another revolutionary.

Me: Hell yeah! Furniture wall! ::silence. Crickets:: Ahem. Sorry. Okay –

Feuilly: Two.

Me: Fine! So, Enjy, you're Joseph.

Grantaire: How come Apollo always gets the main parts in these things?

Me: Because he's handsome, brilliant, a great leader, inspirational, an awesome singer, and generally one of the most epic fictional characters ever created. Happy?

Enjolras: ::blushing:: Well, I don't really think I'm all that...

Me: Trust me. You are. Well, as long as you're played by the right people. (And that means: NO JUSTIN BEIBER/ZAC EFRON/JONAS BROTHER/LATEST DISNEY POSTERBOY...EVER! Clear enough, Sir Cameron?)

Valjean: Um... That was weird.

Me: That is what we writers call an author's note. Back on topic, Enjy = Joseph. Done, good. Jacob is Valjean.

Valjean: And how did you get there?

Me: ::shrug:: Well, when you save Enjy from the sniper... And it was either you or Javert.

Javert: So why didn't you pick me?

Me: You'd be at each other's throats the whole time! The finale would be rubbish!

Enjolras: Well, I for one am not unhappy with that casting choice.

Me: Excellent. Enjolras approved; the matter is settled. Moving on. Narrator... Eponine.

Eponine: Oh, wicked!

Marius: No. Joseph.

All: ::groan::

Me: ...So, moving swiftly past that god-awful so-called joke, Marius will be Potipher.

Marius: What? Why?

Me: A mild punishment for that joke, plus I find you annoying, unless you're being played by Michael Ball.

Marius: Hmph.

Me: Therefore, Mrs Potipher is Cosette.

Cosette: What?

Marius: My wife has to hit on Enjolras?

Me: Yep.

Cosette: Why are you picking on us?

Me: Because, compared to all the other characters, you're lame. Sorry. Plus, I just had to see your reactions. ::evil grin::

Enjolras: Sorry, a married woman has to – to use Marius's coarse phrasing – hit on me?

Me: Ah, yes. Sorry 'bout that.

Grantaire: Oh, this is just too good!

Enjolras: Oh be quiet!

Me: Avoiding conflict! Next, Pharaoh will be played by Grantaire.

All: What?

Me: Yeah, couldn't resist.

Grantaire: So I'm in charge? Awe-some!

Enjolras: Oh god help us all...

Me: Don't worry. You're still the most popular.

Enjolras: ::brightens slightly::

Javert: So we've got a street rat narrating, an ancient escaped convict as the father of a pretty-boy revolutionary dream-interpreter, and a drunk as king?

Me: Pharaoh. Not king.

Javert: Whatever. ::sighs:: We're doomed.

Me: Well, thank you for that vote of confidence Mr I-can't-catch-a-runaway-convict-so-I-may-as-well-jump-off-a-bridge.

Javert: ::sulks:: And you had to bring that up...

Me: Yeah. Sue me.

Javert: Fine! ::grabs Marius:: Tell it to my lawyer!

Marius: I'm not your lawyer!

Javert: You are now!

Me: Oh jeez! ::facepalm:: Can we please get on with this?

Combeferre: Again, I'm in agreement with the writer. We're on the fifth page and we haven't really been doing anything.

Me: Thanks again. Okay

Bahorel: Three.

Me: ::death-glare:: Now, the Butler and Baker.

All: ::hold breath, slightly scared::

Me: The Butler will be Javert

All: ::burst out laughing::

Javert: Why have you got a vendetta against me?

Me: Actually, I haven't. It's just that you embody the system of authority, and I am sworn to destroy said system.

Javert: Hmph.

Me: Look, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll get one of my friends to give you a hug later, okay?

Bousset: Four.

Me: ::clenches fist::

Javert: I thank you for your offer, but that seems a little weird.

Me: Yeah, it does doesn't it. Oh well. Now you can't say I don't care about you.

Javert: Oh darn!

Me: Hehe. Forward planning, guys. ::to the Amis:: It's useful. Honest.

Eponine: Can we...?

Me: Ah yes. Thank you Eponine. Thenardier is the Baker.

Thenardier: But I don't cook.

Master of the House Customers: Don't we know it...

Me: It doesn't matter. You're gonna get executed anyway.

Thenardier: Gee, thanks.

Me: You're most welcome. I think that's all the solo parts done. Now, the brothers.

Combeferre: Can I be Simeon?

Courfeyrac: Shotgun Judah!

Bahorel: Reuben!

Feuilly: Can I not have a solo?

Bousset: I really don't care who I play.

Me: Will you all just calm down? ::Amis go quiet:: Thank you. Right, here goes. Reuben = Bahorel.

Bahorel: Awesome!

Me: Simeon = Combeferre.

Combeferre: Yes!

Me: Levi = Feuilly.

Feuilly: Okay.

Me: Napthali = Montparnasse.

All: What?

Me: ::shrugs:: Well, there aren't enough Amis, so I had to get the others from somewhere.

Montparnasse: So I actually have to do stuff?

Me: Yes.

Montparnasse: ::grumbles and twirls his knife, glaring at me evilly::

Me: Ahem. Issachar = Bousset.

Bousset: Um... cool.

Me: Asher = Babet.

Babet: ::high-fives Montparnasse::

Me: Dan = Joly.

Joly: ::sneezes::

Me: Bless you. Zebulon = Claquesous.

Claquesous: ::high-fives Parnasse and Babet::

Me: Gad = Jehan.

Jehan: Oh, good!

Me: Benjamin = Gavroche.

Gavroche: Do I get a solo?

Me: Um... no.

Gavroche: ::grumbles::

Me: Well, if I can, I'll give you one.

Javert: ::cough:: Favoritism! ::cough::

Me: So I like Gavroche. Get over it. And Courfeyrac is Judah.

Courfeyrac: I is happy!

Me:... Yeah.

Enjolras: I have a question.

Javert: Ooh! Look at the rebel being all polite!

Me: Believe it or not, Javvie, girls do actually appreciate manners more than a nightstick in their face.

Javert: They do? ::takes out notebook and scribbles it down::

Everyone: ::stares::

Javert: ::seeing everyone staring at him:: Ahem. Sorry. What?

Valjean: I can't believe what I've just seen.

Eponine: You have a notebook on how to score with girls?

Javert: What? No! This is my... shopping list. I'm making a list of shopping. I'm going to shop for what I put on my list.

Courfeyrac: Yeah. Sure.

Me: People! Behave! And don't tease Javert. I can't deal with him getting all upset right now.

Javert: Me! Upset! Hmph!

Me: ::ignoring him:: Now, I'm going to go get some food, and when I get back I'm starting. And you are all going to behave. Got it?

Everyone: ::grumble and whine but eventually agree::

Me: Good. Now, bye all! ::leaves::