Ns: I have decided that there is not enough of Anders and blood mage Hawke so I molded this story after my canon diplomatic Hawke, but blood mage Hawke. It starts after everyone have been recruited.
Summary: There is nothing more dangerous than a persons who believe they are right.
Eyes of the Apostate
As an apostate and malificarum, Marian Hawke lived her life by some few very simple rules.
1. Always be polite and kind to avoid drawing unnecessary malice towards her and her little sister. People never think it is the nice girl, quiet girl next door that is the dangerous malificarum.
2. Always keep strangers at a polite arm's length to avoid letting anyone close to the family secret.
3. Never be too good, too outstanding. All attention is bad attention.
In the twenty-four years she had lived those rules had been all Hawke lived by. That was also the only reason she was sitting here and playing a card game she didn't really knew with people she didn't wanted to know. Her eyes scanned the other players around the table.
Carver. Her beloved, grumpy little brother. She didn't care if he thought she was mothering him and being far too protective. She had failed Bethany. She would not fail Carver, Mother or Uncle. They were the only family she had left.
Speaking of family was Aveline. The guard-woman soon to be captain, had earned her title as family. Yes, she had married a templar, but the man was dead and Hawke couldn't blame Aveline for her late husbond's poor choice of career. Not when she too knew how it was too lose someone. Aveline was the only non-family member Hawke had ever trusted. Her first and only true friend.
Varric, he was friendly, he was funny and he was her ticket to the money she needed. If Hawke had to be dependent on a person, Varric was not the worst choice. He was still a compulsive liar and absolutely not the safest choice for a person who just wanted to keep her head down and not be noticed.
Fenris... As a blood mage Hawke apparently represented everything he hated. Which he made clear! On several opportunities. Honestly Hawke didn't know why he was willing to fight for her, but she really wanted to believe that if she was just nice and reasonable to him he would one day see that mages, blood-magic or not, weren't all corrupted – Hawke would also like to believe that the money she needed would just manifest when she was woke up one morning. There would come a day when Fenris would betray her.
Isabella, the raider captain without a ship. Hawke didn't know her, didn't trust her and had a slight inkling that Isabella only hung out with them to see how embarrassed she could make Hawke. One day, Hawke guessed that Isabella would tire of them.
Merrill, the dalish elf. Hawke liked her because she had the same practical attitude toward blood magic as Hawke, but there was something Merrill didn't tell them. It worried Hawke. All potential danger worried Hawke.
Potential danger was Anders the former grey warden also. Not so much because he had a spirit of Justice living inside him. Neither was it because he seemed intent on changing the world views on mages. As an apostate Hawke was willing to sacrifice a lot for mage freedom, and could appreciate Anders doing the same. No the danger with Anders was that he had flirted with her. Flirted! While she was pretty enough, her lifeless looking eyes had normally prevented all potential suitors from becoming actual suitors which had meant that Hawke didn't have to reject anyone, and she had totally fumbled it up when Anders had approached her and somehow ended up encouraging him. Luckily he had rejected the idea himself on his own notion, but...
Hawke looked up and found that Anders' eyes were once more on her. They were so often, and it was not always with the same lust full undertone that Isabella would spawn when she talked about ships. It was with a hint of something else that Hawke wouldn't identify, but Hawke was sure that of all the people in this group of hers, Anders was the most dangerous.
Marian Hawke had dull eyes. This Anders realised as he was losing his third round of Wicked Grace towards to Varric and Isabella. Of course he would properly be doing better at the game if he focused on the cards instead of Hawke's eyes, but their mystery wouldn't leave him alone.
When Hawke first had entered his clinic Anders had noticed those eyes – Blue bordering to grey, but without any shine, any life in them. Anders had first thought that here was a person without hope, but when she opened her mouth Hawke spoke with a soft voice filled with kindness and conviction.
Anders came to the conclusion that Hawke's lifeless eyes didn't betray a soulless personality but their dull colour was just that – a mere colour. It was also in that minute that Anders realized that Hawke was looking at him with a lifted eyebrow across the table.
"Anders, you are losing rather badly." She calmly said no hint betraying that she had noticed her look. "Between Varric and Isabella we are all losing badly."
"I am beating you." Hawke said quietly. "And this is my first time playing the game."
Isabella smiled deviously at Hawke.
"And here I thought you were hypnotizing Anders with you feminine charm on purpose."
Hawke just proved that despite their colour her eyes were perfectly capable of widen in embarrassment and surprise.
"Oh..." She said looking down. "It is not like that. Apostates don't..." Hawke paused and looked contemplating at Isabella. "That argument isn't going to fly with you." She muttered to herself and instead said: "I am just so boring that I can't distract anyone with my feminine charm." Hawke smiled grew even wider as she placed her cards on the table. "Instead I will just win this game."
Everyone stared at Hawke in the last game she had lost worse than Merrill.
"You cheated!" Isaella stated. "I never thought you had it in you."
Those lifeless eyes quickly flickered away, but their dullness couldn't hide the faint sight of pink that tinted her cheeks.
"I would never cheat." Hawke claimed. "I just followed what everyone agrees are the rules of the game." No one looked convinced and Hawke moved uncomfortably. "Now I will continue being a bore and quit while I am ahead." Hawke gracefully left the table, trying to mask that she was in a hurry to flee the accusing eye of her little brother.
The night wind was blowing cold against his skin, shaking of the small touch of alcohol that could still have affected him. Perhaps that was a good thing. It definitely made it easy for him to identify Hawke and her mabari.
"Hawke, wait!" She stopped at his words and waited for him to catch up. "You shouldn't go alone. It is dangerous."
"I have Red to take care of me!" She patted the head of her giant war dog. "But you are welcome to follow."
They walked in silence. That was normal with Hawke. Anders had noticed that she rarely spoke and furthermore she seemed to have the idea that people only turned to her when they had problems, never for small talk. He glanced at her once more. It had been two weeks since she walked into his clinic and in these two weeks Anders had thought of her constantly. If someone had ever told him that he would be this attracted to a blood mage he would have laughed, but he was sure he would get over it.
"Anders..." Hawke suddenly said. "Perhaps you should pay more attention to our surroundings."
"I am paying attention." Was this her way of telling him to keep his eyes for himself? Before Anders could ask the question he heard a whistling sound and he turned around. Too late he registered the arrow heading straight for him and he briefly wondered if Justice would make it possible for him to survive an arrow through the skull. He never got the answer. With a low sound the arrow collided with the bubble formed barrier which suddenly protected him. Besides him Hawke was concentrating and soon the swirly energy of an arcane shield protected them both.
Anders knew, however, that the arcane shield wasn't arrow proof, and Hawke couldn't keep real barrier around them all the time. He quickly drew his staff and tried to locate the enemies. It seemed to be some of the thugs that inhabited Lowtown.
"We are not rich." Hawke tried to argue. "You won't get anything out of robbing us."
"You have some nice equipment, Dog Lord, and everyone can appreciate a nice girl now and then."
Anders felt his grip around his staff tighten. How dared they threaten Hawke with something like that? They would pay. He hammered the weapon into the ground and caught a group of the snipers in a glyph of paralysis. Before they had time to recover Anders concentrated all his anger into a burning ball of fire. The thugs screamed as they were consumed by the flames, but he didn't manage to get enough of them another arrow headed straight for him. It was led astray by the swirling of Hawke's arcane shield, but Anders knew enough of the magic to know it was just a matter of time before one passed Hawke's defence.
"I miss your charming brother right now." Anders muttered to Hawke as he froze an enemy targeting her.
"Yes. I know." Hawke was far too busy to say more. The enemy had gotten melee reinforcement and she was concentrating on letting a huge warrior clutch his head in terror. Hawke wasted no time to for the enemy to recover but pierce the man with the sharp end of her staff.
Like so many mages Hawke's magic was formed by her personality. She was a woman who fought to protect and not to kill and thus she professionalised in the arcane and entropy school. Normally Anders was relieved with that kind of back up because it meant he could concentrate on healing his allies and killing his enemies. Right now, though. It would have been very, very nice with another person to help killing large groups of enemies. As if she could read his thoughts Hawke muttered something akin to a curse and Anders heard the cold sound of metal being drawn. He glanced at Hawke again. As expected she had drawn her knife, he already knew what she planned to do.
"Don't!" He whispered. "You can't already be unable to changeling the Fade."
"I have plenty of energy left." Hawke admitted as she, completely ignoring his plea, tore the skin of her hand apart. Anders felt how the magic rose from her, but not magic bound in the Fade instead it was magic bound in life, her life as he was bitterly reminded when he watched how many of her vein glow slightly red with power. "But all the mana in Thedas would not help me if I got an arrow in my chest."
It was then Hawke lifted her staff and... Maker's breath she plunged it right through her abdomen. Anders winched as he watched her slowly pull the weapon out. The group of archers roared as they were suddenly caught in a pool of blood. He could only watch them die – not that he hadn't been willing to kill them himself seconds before. No more arrows was flying, they had properly won the battle. Anders turned to Hawke.
"Let me heal...
"Safe your strength!" Slowly, because it was impossible even for Hawke to run with a huge wound in her stomach and blood dripping from her hands, she dragged her feet to the corpses. She stood up straight with a wince because of the stomach wound and spread her arms open. Anders watched as she closed her eyes in concentration and sucked up the residue life that still clung to the corpses. The wound in stomach, her torn hand, even her clothes mended. Relaxed the red glow under her skin vanished. She opened her eyes and for a second Anders thought he saw a faint spark of life in them then they returned to their original dull colour. Then they locked with his. For a moment there was no Justice, there was no mage's plight, there was only this woman that made his heart pound, but Hawke looked away and the moment was lost.
"Anders, next time please don't get distracted... my healing is inferior to yours."
Distracted? Then he remembered the arrow that had almost pierced him in the start of the battle. He watched as Hawke disappeared up the stairs to her uncle's house.
She was right. Marian Hawke was a distraction.
Ns: First chapter. I hope you enjoy this fic.
