Temperance awoke slowly. Her eyes refused to respond at first, but eventually they opened slowly. She had never felt so weak. Her pupils adjusted to the well lit room. She was in a hospital. She felt a dull ache throughout her body, but nothing like the pain she had felt, lying on that concrete floor, being cut open. Her memories flashed back, and she tried to sit up. There was the pain she remembered. She lay back down and took a few deep breaths. It hurt a lot to do that.
When she was able to open her eyes again she tried to turn her head. That wasn't so bad. She could handle that. She looked over to the main source of light in the room, the window not far from the bed. It was what was under the window that she focused on.
In a reclining chair, leaned back and sound asleep, was Booth. In his arms, held tightly to his chest was their baby. The baby was dressed in a blue sleeper, and had a light blue knit hat on his head. Tears came to her eyes. It was a boy. Seeley had found the baby. She was so proud, but she felt drowsiness coming over her again. She closed her eyes and drifted off, a smile on her face.
When Booth awoke some time later, he noticed that smile on her face. He bent over to kiss her, but when his lips met her forehead, she felt cold beneath them. He stood back up and put their son down in the hospital issued bassinet. When he turned back to her, he noticed that her lips were blue. He pulled her eyelids back and her pupils were milky and translucent. He closed her eyelids and stumbled backwards. She was gone.
He stood there in shock for who knows how long. A nurse came in to check on her and to do some readings on the patient, and noticed Booth just standing there. Catatonic. She looked quickly to the patient in the bed, and became aware of what had shocked the man. She ran further to the bedside and noticed the heart rate machine was flat lining. The sound had been turned down, and she wondered how that would have happened. She turned back to the man standing slightly behind her. He still hadn't moved.
"Agent Booth...I am so sorry. She seems to have passed. We knew it was a possibility, she had lost so much blood." The man still didn't move but his eyes flashed briefly in her direction.
"Yeah..." He finally broke his trance, and he quietly turned around, picked up the baby, and sat down in the chair. He kissed the boy's head, and held him close. He seemed very calm. "Just you and I now, bud."
The nurse watched them for a second and her heart broke. Everything this man had been through, and now his wife had died. This wasn't fair. This should have been a happy ending. She left the room to go find the doctor, to pronounce the time of death for the patient. She left the man and the baby in the room. They would need a few minutes, she was sure.
When the nurse had found Doctor Weaver, he was talking to a family member of another patient, but she boldly interrupted them by pulling the Doctor aside, and whispering in his ear. The Doctor apologized to the man he had been speaking with, and ran off down the hallway.
The nurse shut her eyes as she noticed a large group of people starting to gather in the waiting room. A tall, pretty, dark skinned woman tried to get her attention. The nurse knew she couldn't pretend to not have seen the woman, and she approached her carefully.
"Hi...there... My name is Doctor Camille Saroyan, I'm with the Jeffersonian Institute, and we're just wondering if there's any word on Temperance Brennan, or her baby?"
"Everyone in the room knew the news was not good by the look on the woman's face, though she tried to mask it. Angela turned and cried on Hodgins shoulder. He held her tightly. Cam asked the nurse,
"Now is there something wrong with the baby, or with Doctor Brennan?"
"Uh, the baby is healthy and fine...the father is in with them now..." Without finishing the sentence, she didn't have to; the name she hadn't mentioned was the one who was gone. The mood in the room dropped, and only Angela's sobs could be heard, muffled by the shoulder of Hodgins.
Cam closed her eyes, and turned back to the rest of her team. She said, mostly to herself,
"Oh... dammit...Seeley."
Everyone took turns holding everyone; grief was spilled all over the room. Shoulders were soaked by the crying of one another. Nobody noticed Booth come into the room after an unknown amount of time had passed, until his cracked voice grabbed everyone's attention.
"I know this day sucks royally, but does anyone want to meet the one good thing that it brought?" He was holding the baby facing towards everyone.
Angela was the first one to step forward, and take the baby from Booth's arms. She cried into the blanket that was wrapped around the infant. She eventually looked at the child closely and then looked at Booth.
"Boy, he's the spitting image of Brennan. He looks just like her. Blue eyes and everything. He's beautiful Booth." She couldn't bring herself to say congratulations.
"Yeah, he is, isn't he?" His eyes were already swollen and red, and the squint squad saw a batch of tears forming in his eyes.
Camille stepped forward and drew him into a tight embrace. He held her as tightly as she held him. His shoulders shook with the sobs that racked his body. She said to him,
"Seeley, we are so sorry. Everyone here knows how much you went through to get her, and we are all here for you, I hope you remember that in the days to come..." Everyone else in the room confirmed Cam's sentiments. He eventually got control of himself, and stood up straight.
"Thanks you guys." He paused while he met the eyes of everyone there, "Can you guys watch the baby for a second, I have to go sign a birth certificate and a death certificate with one pen. Ironic huh."
Angela told him they would watch the boy whenever he needed. As he turned to walk back down the hallway, the artist asked him,
"Did you guys ever decide on a name?" Her sympathetic eyes tried to take away some of the meaning of her words. Seeley turned back to face her fully.
"No, we never agreed on anything, but I think I'll call him Jax. It's a combination of Jared and Max. Two people who are the reason that he's here right now. With us." He turned away, before he had another breakdown and left the room.
Every single person standing in his wake caught his use of the singular form, 'I think' and 'I'll call him' when he told them. Every single heart broke a little bit more for their friend, and the men she left behind, one of them being very small, and very newborn. This was not how they expected it to turn out. Seeley Booth always saved the day. He had been just a little bit too late this time. This time when it was the most important time of all. They knew the man would never be the same.
Sweets walked around the corner just then and was met by a room of stares. He immediately noticed the baby in the arms of Angela, and he smiled.
"It's a boy? That's awesome!" No one returned his smile.
"Doctor Sweets, I don't know if you should be here. Doctor Brennan passed away a little while ago, and knowing Booth, he'll be looking for someone to blame very shortly. I would not want to be in your shoes." Cam told him with all seriousness.
"Oh my god. That sucks big time..." His hand covered his mouth, he was in shock. He caught the looks of the other people and quietly turned and left the way he had come. No one tried to stop him.
Angela passed the baby onto Hodgins, whose long lashed were matted together with tears. The bug guy promised the little boy, that he was a part of a very large, very close family, who all loved his mother and she would never be forgotten. They would all protect him, and his Dad. There were not words to describe the emotions in that room in the next hours.
The squints stayed with Booth, until little Jax was cleared to be discharged twelve hours later. The baby was totally healthy, and was free to go. It was hard for Seeley to leave his wife behind, but he was rational enough to know the truth. She was gone.
Angela and Hodgins had gone out at one point and picked up a bunch of supplies for the newly widowed, new father, including a car seat and diapers and formula. Temperance had sworn that she intended to breast feed their child, but...
Booth bundled his son in the tiny seat and thanked everyone for waiting with him, but now he just wanted to go home with their son and start the rest of his life, without her. The squints didn't want him to be alone, but when they brought up their concerns to him, he simply said that he wouldn't be alone. His eyes were on the baby.
He drove home slowly and carefully, knowing that if his wife was with him, she would have been making fun of his over-protectiveness. He already missed her voice, her face, her laughter. He looked into the back seat, and knew her face would be permanently attached to that baby in the back. He almost smiled to himself. Almost.
He arrived at his apartment, so dark and so desolate and he found at first he had a tough time getting out of the vehicle. When he finally did, he got his son out of the backseat, and bundled him up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, there sat a small gift bag. It didn't look overly suspicious, so he reached his hand in and pulled out a card. He opened it and read it out loud, to himself.
"It's not your fault. You did your best." That was all it said.
He reached into the bag and pulled out a small silver dolphin, and a small blue silver dolphin. He knew Max had been there. Seeley found himself relieved. He carried his son into the flat, and set him down in the kitchen while he carried the antique bassinet to their bedroom. His bedroom.
He changed the baby, and fed him, his experience with Parker was all coming back to him very quickly. He was an old pro at this. So he hoped, anyway. He was going to have to be. When the baby had been settled, he put him to sleep in the bedroom, turned on the monitor that was beside their bed, his bed, took the handset with him and walked back to the living room. On the way, he stopped in the hall closet, and picked up an old baseball bat.
He stood in the centre of the room for a minute, and then started swinging. All of his pent up anger was released in the next minutes on his furniture and every fixture that was in the room. He only stopped when he heard his son crying through the monitor. He very calmly put the bat down, took a deep breath, and went to get the baby.
He sat with Jax in the rocking chair, and soothed the baby back to sleep. Every minute he looked at his son, the boy looked more like his mother. That was a good thing. He leaned close to the baby's head and whispered,
"I'm so sorry Jax, I couldn't save her. I hope someday you can forgive me." He turned the small silver dolphin over and over in his hand until he too fell asleep in the chair.
