Whoo! First fic. Get excited x3

My computer is being a goof so I'm not sure how messy the format will look... My apologies if its a train wreck.

Disclaimer: Seriously. I don't own a thing.

So I hope you like this modest first chapter, I put in some good effort. :) Though, after a awhile you just gest sick of reading and editing your own work... I might be in the market for a Beta if anyone out there would be willing to help me out...

Anyway, I'll leave you alone so you can read...AND REVIEW! Pwease? puppy dog eyes

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CH. One

"Tala...Tala please, I just need you to calm down..."

Pale, lilac eyes watched as the narrow chest heaved, as frantic cerulean eyes fluttered into focus...That was a good sign. Better yet, the slender fingers wrapped around the knife's handle relaxed.

The pale Russian nodded, the tension in his own chest softening , easing. He spoke softly now, knowing that they weren't out of the woods yet. Kind words were spoken in Russian, Bryan hoping that the familiar sound could bridge the memory-induced panic that held his friend.

His dearest friend.

A step forwards- barely a step really. His stance had simply changed, his shoulders showing only the vaguest inclination towards forward motion.

But that was enough. The delicate, desperately needed space had been breached.

Tala let out a horrible cry, and the knife was drawn against his pale throat, his beautiful, usually sanguine features drawn tightly, tears washing down his cheeks.

"Don't you touch me! Don't you fucking touch me!"

"Tala...Please..."

"I j-just want to...t-to sleep...I just want t-to go to sleep-p!" the redhead was in hysterics, his silky, mussed hair adrift about his wild, flushed face, and the glistening blade produced a droplet of garnet blood. It hung against his deathly pale skin, and the contrast was startling...Even beautiful.

In a desperate, pathetic sort of way.

And Bryan couldn't help but think that Tala was that sort of beautiful. Like something proud broken- like an aristocrat after the revolution.

"Tala god damn it, don't be selfish. Don't do this." and even in the face of tremendous loss, Bryan was Bryan.

The hand holding the knife flailed, the rouged lips twisted and blue eyes grew once again bleary as a new onslaught of tears shook him.

So delicate...And wavering now, Tala shouted, shouted to be heard against the rush of of sound in his own head, but more importantly- shouted to be understood. Shouted to understand. His voice raised to a shrill peak, as if he was ready to empty is heart out onto the table.

"I never thought I would have to feel him again, to smell him, to hear him... But he's here, every night, I swear to god he is! He's still hurting me B-Bryan... I just want-t to s-sleep... Oh fuck Bryan, I want to close my eyes and feel safe!"

Bryan was shaking too now, because the blade was poised against the paper-thin skin of a narrow wrist. And he swallowed, hard. Because he remembered how it felt to see his captain trapped beneath the weight of an older man- more specifically Boris Balcov.

The stench of sweat and sex,a rough hand tangling in the red hair... The falcon closed his eyes to suppress the memory.

His stomach curled with the realization that Tala couldn't do that. His rape was an imprint upon his very being, and he couldn't just close his eyes and make it disappear.

Tala needed help.

Serious help.

"H-he fucked me like a w-whore Bryan! Like I was his... I'm s-still his!"

"Tala-"

And then the blade dragged along the wrist, skin snagged and tore and opened, and droplets of vermillion dotted the floor.

The beautiful blue eyes were wide, skin draining of color, lips forming a perfect "o" - as if it had been an accident.

Bryan rushed towards him, and the little body crumpled in his arms.

A pale hand wrung at Bryan's shirt, fingers looping in fabric, clenching itfor all he was worth.

Bryan eased them both to the floor, well aware that his shirt was already hopelessly stretched.

He had to remember that really, Tala was still just a child.

"B-Bryan...I-I'm sorry... Don't be too mad... Am I going to die now? "

"You're not dying. Don't be stupid." and despite his words, his voice was a soft croon.

"...Oh."

Indeed, upon closer inspection, the cut was too shallow to cause any real harm. That's not to say that if left unattended it couldn't result in some blood loss, though here in Bryan's arms, there was no chance of that.

It had scared him though- the whole scenario. It had scared Bryan badly.

Strong arms cradled the red head to his chest, a terry cloth towel snatched from the counter mopping against the leaking wrist, Tala's head propped against Bryan's shoulder.

He looked like something fragile and precious... And hopeless.

And even now, he was such a pretty thing...

A clatter of feet against tiling, a gasp--- Ian. The big-nosed blader was still groggy with sleep as he had only just now hobbled down to see what all the commotion was...

"Ian, call an ambulance." Bryan's once panicky countenance had eased, and now, regaining his steely composure, everything was clear.

Things had to be done, and he would be there to see them through.

Bryan's own, hard gaze met Ian's wide eyes, full of horror, and now filling with tears.

"T-Tala...?"

"Ian, GO!"

And Ian obeyed with instinctual efficiency, a grubby hand smudging traces of despair from his still sleepy eyes.

And Bryan turned his attention to more important things. He glanced down at the red head... The lips were frosted a tender shade of bluing pink, and Bryan squeezed him lightly, more to comfort himself than to comfort Tala. There was something about the lithe boy's warm weight that secured him...Made him feel safe.

The pale lips curved into a smile, and eyes, shivering with tears, turned their gaze upwards to focus on the stern face of his strong companion.

Bryan had always been so strong, how odd it was to see tears in his eyes... Not that he was really crying, his pale eyes were only slightly glossy...

But for Bryan, that was something.

The smile grew and a delicate hand smoothed against a pale cheek "Don't c-cry Bry."

"Tala, just shut-up... Idiot, look what you've done... 'Made an awful mess..." Bryan murmured, applying more pressure against the wound, watching as the flow of crimson stemmed beneath his fingers.

Tala had intended to slice veins, to wreak havoc and drain himself out onto the kitchen floor- he had meant for the knife to linger and deepen, but the initial shock of cold, splintering pain had surprised him, frightened him. And once in Bryan's arms the knife was a hopeless cause.

The large blue eyes watched in morbid fascination as red leaked from his body, lips parting as he shifted weakly in Bryan's arms to get a better look.

"Does this make me crazy Bryan..." he whispered, paling dreadfully.

"No."

Came the immediate answer. The falcon hated to see that focused look on his friend's face. It meant that he was thinking too much, and everything became more complicated the more you thought about it.

Though Bryan was doing some thinking himself. As soon as things neatened up Bryan was going to find Tala some help.

Some serious help.

Though a psychiatrist and just about everything else was out of the question.

It wasn't as if Bryan hadn't tried to get the redhead into therapy before...

Shit. Was this really as hopeless as it sounded?

"I hate being l-lied to..." the redhead murmured,his lips quivering... And Bryan braced himself for the water-works.

Fresh sobs wracked Tala's body, and the pale lips parted in agony, and one name resounded through the kitchen. It had been a source of sorrow, somewhere tucked away in Tala's head, and now, with his attempted suicide, a certain blue-haired blader's absence was keenly felt.

And Tala yelled his name till he felt empty, and his voice cracked.

"K-kai! Oh, Kai... Why isn't he here Bryan, I'm so cold, why isn't he here?"

Bryan tensed at the mention of Kai... Kai who had left them. Returned, and left again.

Kai wasn't here because he felt torn, and consequently, he felt guilty... Kai's pride couldn't stomach guilt, and thus, he had cut all ties.

And unintentionally, he had left Tala more vulnerable than before...

And fuck, this was probably his fault.

Even worse, he was probably the only one who could fix this.

The lips pressed tightly together.

To ask for the bluenette's help would be to hand over his own pride on a silver platter... It would be to say "Here, we couldn't help Tala, and even though we care for him more than you ever will, why don't you give it a go?"

Bryan felt himself tense at the thought.

But they had been unable to heal the troubled redhead. Maybe Kai could.

Kai, as much as he hated to admit it, might just be Tala's last hope.

Bryan held the shaking Tala tighter as a heartrending sob wracked his body , shushing him while he mentally prepared himself for the phone call he would make as soon as the red head was hospitalized and stable.

Yes, he had already decided.

Bryan was never one to linger. If he didn't keep moving right along, he'd probably have shot himself a long time ago.

And now he could hear the ambulance, and Ian scrambling for words as men tromped through their neat little apartment...Men with stretchers and degrees that said they were professionals, qualifications that said that they could help people without killing them. Qualifications that said Tala would be safe with them.

But that didn't mean that he was going to trust Tala with them.

Trusting had never been easy.

Though he allowed the paramedics to gather Tala into their arms and nurse him into a reclining position on the stretcher, one holding his leaky wrist to a bit of gauze.

And calling Tyson's dojo had never been easy. More specifically, calling Kai had never been easy.

And this would be no exception.

TBC

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So, really, what did you think? Honest answers please! And if you have any tips, any suggestions, I'll be happy to listen.

Thanks for reading!