I don't think anyone truly understands this isn't for attention. This isn't because I want people to feel sorry for me. I just want help. But I can't ask for it...I've been inflicting harm on myself for two years now. I was diagnosed with clinical depression back in 2009. Nothing tragic happened that made me depressed, it just happened. I'm constantly thinking of sad things and I stress a lot, it's complicated.?

When the end of the day comes around so do all the horrible things in life. There aren't even horrible things though, I have an amazing family, I have four of the best friends ever, I'm an A and B student, but for some reason I'm depressed. There's no reason for me to be...there's no reason at all. And I just hate it. So this is my story. The story of how it's all happened, it starts with today September 9th 2013, which is my first day back at school. I'm a junior now, and I'm not ready for it at all, I don't want to go back. I don't want people to notice my cuts. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen. The future sucks. There are four new cuts on my wrists, two from yesterday, two from today. I can't explain cutting, it's the dumbest thing ever, people ask how it helps and I don't even know. I guess it's cause that pain makes the emotional pain feel less, or maybe because my blood signifies all my pain leaving my body. It doesn't make sense. I ruffle my hair into its messy look, put my why Ginny tee on, put my button down shirt on over it, but I leave it unbuttoned, I've got my black jeans on, my converses and I'm ready to go. The last order of business is my bracelets. Yes yes I know "Bracelets? On a guy?" But that's me, I wear bracelets, like fifteen bracelets per arm. Sure they look cool, but it's to cover the scars. No one can see, no one can know.

"Austin sweetie! Your bus is here!" My mother calls for me and I run over to the bus. I would drive with Dez but I dont know why I'm just not in the mood. I walk into the building an I'm immediately greeted by my four best friends, Trish, Dez, Cassidy, and Dallas. If you would like an introduction Cassidy is this blonde girl that I used to have a crush on, I never acted on it though because I saw the way my mate Dallas looked at her. Dallas liked her, a lot. But that was two years ago. He doesn't like her anymore, now he's in love with her. And they've been dating for two years, thanks to me. Trish is my short Latino friend who can't hold down a job, but that's besides the point, her and my ginger haired freckled friend Dez are in a new romance. They started secretly dating mid summer and it's actually been working pretty well for them. I on the other hand am alone, there hasn't been a point for me to date. I don't see a future for myself, I just plan on growing up and dying, no job, career, wife, kids, family, nothing. Just me, the ground and my bracelets. I find my locker and there's a brunette directly above me and she has a top locker where as I have a bottom locker, but she's EXTREMELY short. A good foot smaller than me, but then again I am 6 foot 2. I bend down and swirl my locker open and start stacking the books inside and I look up at her small petite body on her tippy toes. She has a few books stacked neatly in her right hand and one larger text book in her left hand and she's trying to put it on the top shelf of the locker. I chucked at her and grabbed the book and smoothly placed it on the shelf.

"Thank you so much! I'm too short for this locker! I'm gonna need you all the time!" She giggles with a smile plastered across her face.

"No problem," I reply cooly as I bend down again to reach my locker. I look up too see the brunette reaching to put her books on the shelf again and I laugh as I take all my text books out of my locker and slide them next to me. I stand up and grab the textbook from the brunettes hand and from the shelf above.

"What're you doing?" She asks, still with a smile on her face. I put her book into my locker and put my books into hers.

"Here is your new locker Ms.-"

"Ally,"

"I was looking for your last name," I said with a chuckle.

"Oh, its's Dawson,"

"Well Dawson, here is your new locker! The combination is 09-09-14! And you can remember that easily because that is the day you met one of the sweetest guys in the world,"

"Thank you Mr-"

"Austin Moon,"

"Thank you Moon, it'll be my pleasure to be under you- oh my god that sounds so bad I'm so sorry," she says in a fit of laughter.

"It's alright, it'll be my pleasure to be on top of you!" I laugh along, "Oh what's my locker combination?" I ask her.

"Right! It's 10-12-14, there's no special way to remember it...but you look like a smart guy! You can probably do it!"

"Thanks Ally. And if I ever forget can I have your phone number, in case of course,"

"Wow...that was horrible. Not smooth at all!" She laughs at me and I get red. "But yes here's my number," she says while taking my phone and typing in her number. I smile and nod at her, a lot of smiling on my part.

"So Austin, what class do you have now?"

"Ummm trig with room B204,"

"I have that too! Can I follow you...? I'm new to this school so I have no idea where anything is,"

"I knew it! There was no way I just didn't notice you all these years! But yes you can stalk me to class,"

"I never said stalk!"

"Mhmmm" I agree as we walk to class. We converse about a few things, basically where she used to live - New York - and how she wanted to go back there for college, but that Miami is actually really nice and I offered to show her around some time. We made it to class and ended up sitting next to each other, in the third row back. Although Moon and Dawson aren't close in the alphabet the class wraps around. We sat there listening to the teacher talk about rules and when the class had five minutes left he allowed us to "talk freely". Ally and I were the only ones to actually talk because apparently on the first day people don't just make spontaneous friends like we did.

"So Austin, what is your obsession with bracelets?" She asks me and takes my hand rummaging through the bracelets on my wrist. I don't look away from her though, and I watch as her expression glows.

"Uh I don't know, I guess I just like them," I reply barely paying attention to the question. I watch as Ally's face falls and I look down at my wrist where her eyes are. She covers my wrist and I can see tears her eyes are a tad bit watery. She pushes the bracelets back in place and looks to the front of the class.

"Mr. Hart! I was supposed to go to the guidance counselor at the end of this period, can Austin walk me there, I'm new so I don't know where anything is," Ally asks the teacher and he just looks over to me, and then back at Ally and nods. Ally takes my books, I sling my backpack over my shoulder, and she grabs my arm and leads me into the hallway. Once the door is shut she stops abruptly.

"So we just have to walk -"

"Austin Moon," Ally says grabbing my wrists. "Why do you do this to yourself?" She says, tears still in her eyes, but not yet falling.

"It's complicated Ally," I sigh and pull my hands away from her grasps. She lunges forward and wraps her arms around my neck embracing me in a hug, I hug her back.

"I'd understand if you told me Austin, but I need you to stop. It's not good for you, I know it'll be hard to stop...I know I really do. But please? Because if you can quit this, you'll be happier in the long run. I can help you through this, please stop?" Ally begs me and I can't say no to her.

"It'll be really hard Ally, I want you to know that I'll try...but I can't promise you anything it's hard," I reply, feeling guilty because I'm probably going to let her down.

"Okay good. Now take off your bracelets," She demands and I step back a little worridly.

"Ally, I can't take off my bracelets,"

"I'm just going to count how many cuts you have, so I can keep track of if you cut more," She explains, and oddly enough I agree.

"I've known you less than two hours and you're already the first person to know my biggest secret,"

"No one knows about this?" Ally ask as she gently touches each cut and scar counting them off one by one.

"No, I couldn't tell anyone...I don't want people to know. I feel like a problem if people know,"

"You're not a problem. You're just a little broken. Thirty two Austin, I bet there's a significant meaning to that number,"

"Like what?" I ask her confused.

"I'll find out and tell you by the end of the day," She replies sweetly. I nod and she speaks up again "Which one of these is your absolute favorite?" Ally asks me, and right away I point to a black and green bracelet made out of rubber bands. "Okay, now which one is your least favorite?" I scan my bracelets, and point out a big rainbow bracelet, also made out of rubber bands. "Great thank you," She says and slides the rainbow bracelet off my wrist.

"Hey! What're you doing?" I cry.

"Withing thirty two days you're going to want this bracelet, it's going to be your favorite,"

"Ally it's just a bracelet, I don't think I'm going to long for it," I tease and she just gives me a knowing look.

"I'll make you want it Austin Moon, I'll make you want it," I look at her for a second not breaking eye contact until with both bust out laughing.

"God Ally! You say the most innapropraite things!"

"I don't mean to! It just happens!" She say in between laughter right as the bell rings.

"Oh no Ally! Weren't you supposed to go to the guidance counselour?!" I ask nervously.

"Not until fourth period," She replies with a devious smirk. I laugh at her rebellion and we walk to our next class. Spanish. So not in the mood. I looked at Ally's schedule, we have all the same classes except for period eight which I have auto repair class and she has music. I wish I had drama, luckily I'm already in music. I decide when I go to bring Ally to the guidance counselour I'll go in and have my schedule changed. I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it cause I'm too lazy to be in auto repair class.