Author's Note:

This fanfic will be about Ways to Annoy/Prank/Do To People. I have a feeling I won't do very well though-this is my second fanfiction… so review if you think it's good, and review if you think it's bad. Please give me advice! Thanks!


How to Annoy/Prank Umbridge, by Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, and George Weasley

1) Lock her in a room with an angry Hagrid.

HG: Nice one, Harry!

HP: Thanks, Hermione.

HG: But don't give Hagrid this idea.

HP: Nooo! Why?

2) Lock her in a room with an angry Buckbeak.

DM: Wait until my father hears about this!

3) Lock her in a room with fully-grown Blast-Ended Skrewts (the more the better).

4) Lock her in a room with an angry herd of centaurs.

5) Lock her in a room with all of the above.

6) Drop a niffler on her while she is wearing all her jewelry (which probably totals five thousand three hundred and two).

FW: Plus five million, five thousand fifty-six.

7) Drop Grawp on her, therefore squishing her.

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic.

HG: Add "in front of Cornelius Fudge".

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic in front of Cornelius Fudge.

HG: Add "and turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him".

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic in front of Cornelius Fudge and turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him.

HG: Add "and then she realises what she just ate and throws Fudge up and Fudge sacks her".

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic in front of Cornelius Fudge and turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him and then she realises what she just ate and throws Fudge up and Fudge sacks her.

HG: Good. Now correct all the grammar mistakes.

8) Turn her into a toad and- RW: Hermione! I feel like a house elf!

HG: *raises eyebrows*

RW: It's a figure of speech! And Harry, can you correct the grammar mistakes that Hermione made purposely and made me correct?

HP: ... Okay.

8) Turn her into a toad, then bounce her around the Ministry of Magic, also known as in front of Cornelius Fudge. Then, turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him. After she swallows Fudge, then tell her what she just said, which upon hearing she will throw up a restored Fudge with a few flies she had eaten just before him. Finally, Fudge sacks her.

HG: Better.

HP: My hand feels sore...

9) Set off the maximum amount of Dr. Filibuster's Wet-Start Fireworks that Hogwarts can possibly hold and replace her wand with a malfunctioning one that is only able to cast "evanesco" and "stupefy" and when cast, will cast the spell with the power of ten of that spell.

FW: Thank you, Harry-

GW: for using our idea-

FW: to further humiliate-

GW: our dear Professor.

10) Send her a lovely new Blood Quill disguised as a regular quill.

11) Send her really, really, really undiluted bubotuber pus.

HG: That'll teach her (and most importantly, Rita Skeeter)!

12) Tell Rita Skeeter rumours that Umbridge has a child and Fudge is the dad.

HP: Isn't that a bit... cruel?

HG: Umbridge and Fudge are evil enough and Umbridge does show a lot of affection for Fudge.

RW: Now that's just wrong.

13) Tell her her father is You-Know-Who.

HP: Haha, Ron.

RW: You're welcome.

14) Give her U-No-Poo.

MW: Fred, I forbid you to do that!

RW: Don't worry, Mum-they know exactly what they're doing.

15) Tell her that her mum gave her up for adoption because she was too ugly.

MW: Ronald!

RW: Mum, it is true.


On Monday morning, Umbridge woke up to find a few owls on the windowsill, carrying a few packages. She curiously opened the first one. Inside was a quill. She thought, "Excellent. My quill just snapped. This is a perfect replacement." She put it on her desk and decided to open her other packages later.

The school morning was unexciting, apart from Harry Potter getting another detention from her for five thirty for spreading ridiculous rumours about You-Know-Who again. After lunch, for some reason she had to go to the loo. To her horror, she was constipated. She stormed out of the bath-room, not knowing that two identical teenagers were spying on her from behind a column, laughing their heads off (silently, of course. No one would want Umbridge catching them, would they?).

During Harry Potter's detention, she dusted off her new quill and started correcting her students' essays. She didn't notice Harry sneaking a glance and hiding a snigger. She wrote, "I am disgusted that you are my student." As soon as she finished, she felt a searing pain across her hand. She screamed, "MY HAND IS ON FIRE! AHHHH!" On and on and on. Professors Snape and McGonagall rushed in the office.

Professor McGonagall said angrily, "Umbridge, you are disturbing about two hundred and fifty-six students! You should know better than that. I will tell Albus." She added some more words under her breath, "Finally she will get sacked, and Fudge can do nothing about it."

Umbridge shrieked, "This is not my fault! I was just correcting my students' essays and my hand started hurting!"

Professor McGonagall stared at her. "You are raving," she said. Before sweeping out of the room, Harry made sure she and Snape saw the Blood-Quill-disguised-as-a-regular-quill he was holding and winked.

At dinner, Ron ran up to Umbridge. "Professor, your mother has been found. She says she gave you up for adoption."

Umbridge narrowed her eyes. "And why, Weasley, are you telling me this?"

"She said to!" Ron faked trembling in fear. "She said you were too ugly! And she said that You-Know-Who is your father. She proved it." He held up a vial of red liquid. Umbridge's eyes widened, and she fainted. The rest of the Great Hall started cheering wildly (including the teachers). In a corner, Rita Skeeter saw the whole thing. She was excited. "This will make the front page of the Daily Prophet!" she scribbled everything down on her parchment.

Meanwhile, Ron said, "Ennervate!" Umbridge stirred. Cornelius Fudge ran down the Great Hall.

"What happened?" he cried. "Why is Dolores like this? What happened?"

Umbridge sat up. "Fudge, I just dreamt that my mother said she gave me up for adoption because I was too ugly, and that You-Know-Who is my father."

Cornelius stared at her. "Weasley, contact the Healers at St. Mungo's." The Great Hall cheered.

Hermione smiled.

Her turn.

She started looking for Rita on the Mauraders' Map. She found Rita's dot, and made her way toward the corner. "Rita, I just found out from on of the Healers that Dolores Umbridge is pregnant with Cornelius Fudge's baby."

Rita stared at her. Then, in an instant, she had her quill out. "Thanks, Granger!" she scribbled everything down.

Hermione ran back to the Gryffindor table. "Done," she whispered to the rest of the group. Harry and Ron smirked. They couldn't wait for the next day.

The next day, at breakfast, the morning owls started arriving. Hermione took off her copy of the Daily Prophet. It read, "SENIOR UNDERSECRETARY SECRETS REVEALED." The contents read, "On the eighteenth of May, the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, Dolores Umbridge, fainted at dinner. She was rushed to St. Mungo's Hospital, and now is hospitalised after Healers declared she has become paranoid. A witness at the scene informed us that the Healers found out that the Senior Undersecretary was expecting a baby. And guess who the father is? Cornelius Fudge, no less!" Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, and George smiled.

Mischief managed.