On the Wrong Foot
Summary: She felt as if, for the first time, she could actually entrust Eren's life to another person that was not Armin.
Warning(s): Contains spoilers until Chapter 30 of the manga. You've been warned!
Welcome to my first SnK fanfic! I have been lurking around this fandom for quite sometime and the MikasaxRivaille pairing has immensely grown on me. So this is my attempt on shipping this cute pairing. Enjoy! :)
The Female Titan had just swallowed Eren Jaeger's prone human form down her throat.
Mikasa felt as though all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. "EREN!" she screamed, shooting her maneuver gear's hooks to the nearest tree trunk and reeling towards the Titan battlefield in breakneck speed. "EREN!"
The Female Titan turned her head to the source of the voice, and, seeing the enraged expression on Mikasa's face, broke into a wide sneer.
"NO!" Mikasa landed on a tree branch but lost her footing. Before she knew it, she was gravitating back to the earth, watching helplessly as the Female Titan stood, turned on her heel and began running away. She reflexively reached for the pistols on either side of her hips, and discovered, much to her horror, that her 3D Maneuver Gear was gone.
She was falling, falling, until there was nothing around her but pitch-darkness.
"EREN! NOOOOOOOO!"
"Mikasa!"
Mikasa Ackerman woke with a start, her whole body doused in cold sweat. Her ears were filled with the sound of her own ragged breathing, and she had to blink several times for her eyes to adjust in the still darkness of the room.
It was just a dream. Relief coursed through her being, and she closed her eyes again to stop herself from shaking. It's just a bad, bad dream.
"Mikasa," a worried, female voice said somewhere from her left. "Mikasa, are you alright?"
Slowly, the black-haired girl blinked and turned her head, dimly recognizing Christa Renz's wide, blue eyes gazing down on her.
"You were screaming in your sleep," the blonde went on nervously. "Was it a nightmare?"
"Of course it was a nightmare," chimed in Ymir's irritated voice a little ways from the darkness overhead. "Jeez, thanks for waking the whole castle, Mikasa."
"Maybe you need more food in your belly?" suggested Sasha Braus, who was occupying the bunk on top of Mikasa's. "It always works for my nerves."
"She's not a pig like you, Potato Girl."
"Hey! I told you to stop calling me that!"
"You need water," Christa insisted, ignoring the other two's bickering. "Hang on, let me get some-"
"Thanks, I'll go get it myself," Mikasa interrupted in a raspy voice. In a swift movement, she sat up and removed her bed covers, shivering slightly as the chilly air seeped in through the thin material of her shirt—which was damp with her own sweat. "Go back to bed, Christa. I'm sorry for waking everyone up."
After tucking her shirt, putting on shoes and wrapping her red scarf around her neck, Mikasa stepped into the empty, dimly-lit stone hallway outside the new recruits' quarters, closing the door behind her silently. It was deathly quiet, save from the snapping sounds of burning embers in the torches mounted on the walls. By the looks of it, it could be very well past midnight.
Mentally shaking off the afterimages of her bad dream, Mikasa began trudging a path very much familiar, letting her feet guide her as her mind flew somewhere else. Instead of the kitchen, however, she headed directly for the basement, where Eren's recovery room was situated. She was well-aware that it was way past visiting hours, but she couldn't stand another minute away from her adoptive brother's side. Ever since the discovery of Eren's titan powers, he had been under the custody of the Special Operations Squad, and the only time Mikasa ever saw him again was before the start of the 57th Expedition, which quickly turned into a failure hours after operation began due to the appearance of the Female Titan. It had been two days since then, and the largely injured and diminished Scouting Legion was ordered to be on standby for the meantime, as the higher authorities evaluated the turning of events and looked for people to blame for this disaster that had befallen Humanity once again.
And Mikasa knew that with what happened, many would deem Eren Jaeger as more trouble than what he's worth. According to Squad Leader Hanji, if worse came to worst, another Imperial court trial would take place, which could end up in a lot of things that ranged from Irvin Smith's eviction from his position as Commander of the Scouting Legion down to Eren's execution on the spot.
The mere idea had sent Mikasa's mind on the verge of mental disarray, which was why in the past couple of days, she had had nothing but restless nights. In fact, she would never have left Eren's recovery room at all if Irvin Smith himself had not directly ordered her to leave and get some decent sleep. But how could she possibly sleep soundly at night, knowing that any day from now she could wake up and find her brother gone?
When they were younger, it was Eren who had kept Mikasa company whenever she was plagued by nightmares from her past. It was ironic how, nowadays, the young Jaeger, her remaining solace in this cruel world, had become the very subject of her most terrifying dreams.
At times like this, when everything has become a living nightmare, who else is out there for her? No one. She had nothing else but her only remaining family to lose. Without Eren, Mikasa would be nothing but a soldier without a cause. She must fight then. She must not let anyone—be it Titan or human—take Eren away from her.
Mikasa was snapped out of her reverie when her feet instinctively came to a halt at the bottom of the stone staircase that led to a single, windowless hallway lined with doors. She was mildly surprised to see that there were no guards stationed outside Eren's door at the end of the hallway. As it was already a known fact throughout the Legion that the human inside the Female Titan was suspected to be a member of the military bent on kidnapping Eren Jaeger, a 24-hour surveillance should have been implemented on the young titan shifter's recovery room. This leniency in security brought a heavy scowl on Mikasa's usually poker face. It was as though the threat of an enemy Titanmaking it inside their military ranks was not enough to make them realize that in light of the present circumstance, one could never take any chances.
Nevertheless, Mikasa rested a strong hand on the handle and pushed the door open, not bothering to knock as she was sure that Eren was still down. According to the medics, engaging the Female Titan had taken a huge toll on Eren's body, and that his latest progress reports indicated that although his fever had significantly lowered, he had yet to regain full consciousness since their return.
To Mikasa's shock, however, her eyes fell on the last person she expected to see inside Eren's room at this hour, lounging on a stool by the bed looking for all the world like it was the only place to be.
It was Lance Corporal Rivaille.
Almost out of reflex, Mikasa drew herself up to her height and placed her right fist on her left chest, resting her other fist on the small of her back. "Corporal, sir."
Rivaille acknowledged her salute with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Ackerman."
For a moment, Mikasa was unsure of what to do or say next. If memory served her right (and how she wished it didn't), her last—and only—dialogue with the famous corporal consisted of her blatantly accusing him of neglecting his duty to protect Eren, a brazen act she committed out of blind rage. Sure, she had never approved of the callous way the Lance Corporal handled Eren in the past, but she could not possibly deny the fact that both she and Eren wouldn't even be here now if it wasn't for him.
The encounter with the Female Titan had made Mikasa fully realize that she, alone, could never be enough to keep Eren safe. As frustrating as it sounds, even her prodigious skills in Titan-killing could not overcome the strength of the forces threatening Eren and his dreams. With her power alone, she could not fulfill the promise she made to Eren's mother. Mikasa was a passionate woman, but she was level-headed too. She knew that there was no other way around the fact that being with Eren would not guarantee his safety at all.
"At ease, Ackerman," the Corporal's cool voice brought her out of her reverie. "The only Titan here is Eren, and he's knocked out cold."
She realized that she was still stiffly standing at the doorway and finally allowed herself to relax, taking another step into the room and closing the door behind her. She further walked in and sat at the foot of the bed, observing Eren's sleeping form. The smallest of smiles graced her face at the sight of the peaceful expression on his face, the gentle rising and sinking of his chest, and the way a tuft of his jet-black hair flew as he exhaled. For the last five years, the only time she ever saw Eren in a relaxed state was whenever he's in deep sleep, such as the case right now…
For the past five years, Mikasa never had a good night's sleep.
"Done checking up on your boyfriend?"
She looked away from Eren to regard the only other person in the room, almost forgetting that he was even there. Then she realized what he'd just said, and almost immediately, she felt a surge of annoyance wash through her. She never liked Corporal Rivaille the moment she first saw him all those years ago, when Eren dragged her into the crowd that welcomed the Scouting Legion upon their return from one of their expeditions before The Fall of Wall Maria. There was that air about him, as if he thought he was above everyone else—which was quite laughable given what little height he had. Though since she didn't want to contest Eren, Mikasa kept quiet about her own opinion and let the young Jaeger brag about Rivaille's accomplishments as if they were his own, inwardly rolling her eyes when the boy then loudly expressed that he would want to become like the corporal someday.
And look where those dreams of yours have brought us, Eren, she thought, grief, anxiety and frustration welling up inside her once again. We can't even be sure if we'd still be breathing a second later. Why can't we just live more peacefully?
"If you've got a problem," the Corporal voiced out, making Mikasa realize belatedly that she had been glaring at him this whole time, "Now's the perfect time to vent it all out."
In the brief silence that followed, Mikasa took note of the higher officer's appearance. Rivaille was still in his uniform, although he had shed off the Scouting Legion cloak, the brown leather jacket, the harnesses and his left boot to accommodate his splinted leg, reminding her once again that it was also her carelessness that had caused that injury. A pang of guilt surged through her, but was gone the moment he spoke again.
"Are you mute or something? I remember you being quite fluent when you mouthed me off the other day."
Mikasa felt the hair at the back of her neck stand as Rivaille continued to regard her coolly. She knew fully well that he was referring to that little outburst she'd made two days ago, and was making it clear that he hadn't quite forgiven her yet for insulting him.
"In the first place, had you performed your duty to protect Eren properly, this wouldn't have happened…" Those were the words she had said to the Corporal, and she knew that in one way or another, sooner than later, she would direly pay for it. Mikasa was smart, and although the opportunity to just wipe that smug look off Rivaille's face was severely tempting, she knew that getting on his bad side was not a very smart idea at all.
She knew that a formal apology was in order.
"Corporal."
"Ahn?"
Mikasa averted her gaze and directed it to the stone-cold floor. "…I'm sorry."
"What was that?"
"I'm sorry."
"Stop mumbling and tell me what it is."
Remind me again why I should apologize to someone like him, Mikasa thought darkly. "I said I'm sorry. Sir," she said flatly, almost forgetting to add the last part.
Rivaille tilted his head to the side and regarded her nonchalantly. "For what?"
"For saying those things the other day." Mikasa looked back at him. "I behaved inappropriately and disrespected you, a higher officer. None of what I said was true."
There was a moment of silence, when the two of them evenly stared at each other.
Then:
"You're wrong."
That made her blink. "Sir?"
"You meant it when you said it," the Corporal said. "And what you said was true."
Confused, Mikasa looked at him blankly. "I'm afraid I don't follow."
"My whole squad is dead," the other man deadpanned. "They were first-class soldiers, the best of the Legion, and they all died under my watch. If you did not trust your judgment, Ackerman, that Titan bitch could have gotten away with Eren, and the whole operation would have been a total waste of human and financial resources." He turned his gaze towards the bed, where Eren was sleeping soundly, oblivious to the world.
"What I'm trying to say is…I should be the one saying sorry, Ackerman. This won't happen again. Not if I could help it," he finished quietly.
Mikasa stared blankly at her superior, unable to believe what she had just heard. The great Lance Corporal Rivaille, a soldier with the strength of a whole brigade, a man known for his cold and unwavering disposition, was apologizing to her. For what seemed to be the first time, she took note of the way the soft candlelight illuminated Rivaille's face, underlining the hollowness of his cheeks, the dark bags under his deep-set eyes and the small stubble under his chin—then she realized he looked like he hadn't slept, eaten or bathed for two days.
Anyone who didn't know any better would not have not noticed these things about him, but Mikasa knew better. She knew a grieving person when she saw one.
"…I'm sorry for your loss, sir," she found herself saying after a long moment of silence. "But it's not your fault." It was bemusing how not more than five minutes ago, she thought that the man was a jerk, and now she was trying to console him. Wartime was a strange time, indeed.
"This is not all in vain," he replied simply, and Mikasa wondered if he was saying that more to himself than to her. "They only did what had to be done." All of a sudden, a dark look fell on the corporal's face, so intense that it felt as if the room grew a little colder. "I sure hope that Titan of a bitch knows what she's in for. I'd take great pleasure in cutting her up in tiny little pieces once I get my hands on her, then feed them to her Titan friends."
Mikasa could very well feel the deep rage bubbling beneath Rivaille's calm and collected façade, then finally realized why Eren idolized him so much. Perhaps, Eren thought that he was no different from Rivaille. He thought they had the same amount of hatred and desire to eradicate the Titans off the face of this earth—only that Rivaille had been so much closer to fulfilling that desire in terms of strength and capabilities.
But now that Eren has Titan powers…Mikasa almost shivered at the thought. It would not be surprising at all if he eventually turned out just like the corporal, a vicious killing machine that would stop at nothing to defeat humanity's greatest enemy, even at the cost of other people's lives. She didn't know him that much, but Mikasa was damn sure that even someone like Rivaille had people whom he loved and cared for. Or at least used to. Otherwise, there would be no reason at all to even try to risk his neck for the sake of defeating Titans.
Witnessing Corporal Rivaille in action two days ago had made Mikasa rethink about her first impression of him. The moment he had given her that look, right after she had tactlessly blamed him for Eren's capture by the Female Titan, Mikasa saw in the corporal's dark eyes a part of him that she didn't think existed: a part that was actually empathic.
"You're Eren's childhood friend who was present at the trial, right?" he had said in an unnervingly calm voice, seemingly unaffected by her outburst. When she had merely replied with a glare that could send a weaker man to his knees, he had only said, "I see," as if he had just come to a certain understanding, then—to her surprise—had not questioned her credibility any further.
Whatever it was he exactly "saw" in her face, Mikasa could never know. She only knew that it was enough for the corporal to take her word for it and risk his own life in retrieving Eren, even protecting her in the process.
It was true that she and the corporal had started on the wrong foot. But now, she thought she had been too quick to judge him.
If Eren trusted him, so must she.
"Thank you for saving me back there," she said, quite out of the blue.
A flicker of surprise flashed in Rivaille's eyes. "It's my job, Ackerman," he said, a little tiredly.
"No, it's not."
That made him pause and raise an inquiring eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"Your job was to protect Eren, sir," Mikasa said. "You risked being injured trying to save me as well."
Rivaille took another moment looking at her before he snorted at some private thought. "Well how else would I be able to take that Titan down with you dead? Technically, I was just doing what I had to do."
"I am still grateful," she insisted. She looked at Eren again, her hands curling into fists on either side of her. "I can't afford to lose my only remaining family, sir, but even if I try my best, I can't always be with him. Thank you for being there."
Another moment of silence followed, but it wasn't an awkward one. Both Mikasa and Rivaille observed Eren, consumed by their own thoughts. It must have been a while before the corporal spoke once again.
"How long have you been together?"
The question had been so sudden and offhanded that it took a moment before Mikasa fully comprehended what it meant.
"His family took me in when I was nine years old," she said, unconsciously running a hand along the red scarf wrapped around her neck. "We had been always together since. I promised his mother that I'll protect him, the same way he had protected me."
"Ah yes, I am familiar with your sob history with this freak," Rivaille said, though his tone was not unkind. "It's pretty badass."
His offhanded comment had somewhat brought a small smile on Mikasa's face. People would oftentimes make a big deal out of her and Eren's story, and it was oddly refreshing that someone didn't make a fuss about it for a change.
"It was," she conceded.
"Well don't let me ruin your alone time with your precious lover," Rivaille said dryly. In a swift movement unexpected from someone with a leg injury, he got onto his feet and made his way towards the door. "I'll be outside in the hallway."
Mikasa watched his retreating back curiously. "Sir, it's already late," she said. "Are you not going to bed?"
Rivaille paused long enough to look back at her sharply. "Why did you think I was here in the first place? I'm keeping watch of that kid's sorry ass for the night."
So that explained the absence of guards around Eren's recovery room: the Lance Corporal himself had taken on the post. "But," Mikasa could not help but voice out, "you're injured."
"You forget who you're talking to, Ackerman," he said, visibly affronted. "If I could kill a 14-meter class with my eyes closed, I could sure as hell keep any human intruder at bay even with my hands tied behind my back."
"I'm staying here too, just in case," she insisted.
"Go back to your room, Ackerman. That's an order."
She met the higher officer's stern gaze with her own. "With all due respect, sir, I don't think you are in the position to order me around. You are not my squad captain."
Rivaille glared at her for another moment before he closed his eyes, sighed and shook his head. "You and Eren are two-of-a-kind when it comes to being a pain in the ass. Suit yourself."
"Thank you for understanding, sir."
Without another word, the older man exited the room, the door shutting with a dull thud at his wake. Mikasa then turned to gaze down at Eren, though her mind was still on her conversation with Rivaille.
Now she fully understood why the short man, with his harsh tongue and unbecoming attitude, was a well-respected figure in all three forces of the military. He was ruthless, but at the same time he trusted. He trusted Irvin, he trusted the members of his squad, he trusted Mikasa. The idea itself was contradicting, for how could someone so cold and callous have the humane ability to trust?
Mikasa wished she could trust.
Could she trust him?
She had seen, with her very own eyes, Eren getting inside the Female Titan's mouth. Anyone aside from her would have easily presumed that he was dead. It was more her desperation than her reasoning that pushed her to insist that he was still alive, and Rivaille, in spite of all odds, chose to side on her.
The corporal hardly knew her, but her sheer willpower had convinced him not to abandon Eren as well.
That's why Eren trusts him.
If that were the case, then there should be no question about it.
"Looks like I'm not alone in this, after all, Eren," she said out loud, letting a smile grace her face as she reached a hand to brush away a strand of hair from the sleeping boy's face. Then, she straightened up and looked contemplatively back at the door.
Please don't fail me, Corporal.
"…Mikasa."
Mikasa woke to a hand gently shaking her shoulder. Blinking twice, she realized she had fallen asleep on the foot of Eren's bed and quickly sat up, mildly surprised as she noticed a white blanket fall off her shoulder at the sudden movement. She looked around and met Eren Jaeger's wide, green eyes.
"Eren!" she exclaimed happily. Eren was sitting up on his bed, his pillows propped against the headstand. His outstretched hand on her shoulder indicated that he was the one who had woken her up.
"You didn't have to stay with me all night," Eren said, frowning lightly. "You could've gotten stiff neck or something."
"How are you feeling?" Mikasa asked, ignoring the other's statement.
"A lot better," the titan shifter said. "How's everyone? What happened while I was out?"
"We're on standby, still awaiting orders from above. Commander Irvin has been calling meetings, however."
A grim expression took over Eren's face. "I bet the Commander is now having a very tough time," he said in a low voice, before he turned his head back to Mikasa urgently. "Anyway, first things first. You should dress up and have something to eat. You look awful, Mikasa."
He's back to his lively self. Mikasa smiled absently at the thought. "I guess I will," she said, before noticing the white blanket that had pooled on the floor around her feet. She picked it up and pulled it towards her. "Thanks for the blanket, Eren."
Eren blinked. "What blanket?"
Mikasa returned his inquisitive look with a blank one. "This one?" she said, motioning on the white sheet in her arms.
Eren tilted his head to the side. "I haven't gotten off my bed yet," he said. "Weren't you with anyone last night?"
She had no time to ponder on it any further as at that moment, the door loudly swung open, and in stepped Hanji Zoe, closely followed by Lance Corporal Rivaille in full uniform.
"Good morning, Eren!" Hanji, ever the hyperactive, said in a sing-song voice. "Oh, and to you too, Mikasa!" she added as she spotted her. "Been looking after Eren, I see!"
Mikasa immediately brought herself up to her feet and saluted.
"Why are you still not in your uniform, Ackerman?" Rivaille said distastefully. "The Commander has called a meeting after breakfast. You and Arlert are summoned to join us. Do you expect to show up looking like that?"
Mikasa stared at him, then at the white blanket she'd left on the bed, then back at him.
Rivaille rose an eyebrow. "What, you just gonna stand there and gape?"
That snapped her back to her senses. "I apologize. I'll dress up right away, sir."
She quickly left the room, but not before casting a quick glance over her shoulder at the corporal. As she made her way back to her quarters, she thought back at Rivaille's words from last night's conversation.
"What I'm trying to say is…I should be the one saying sorry, Ackerman. This won't happen again. Not if I can help it."
She felt as if, for the first time, she could actually entrust Eren's life to another person that was not Armin.
With that in mind, Mikasa allowed herself a smile of immense relief.
Thank you for reading! Please review, I'd love to know what you think of it. :)
