AUTHOR'S NOTE: How the Scoobs SHOULD have found out about Buffy and Spike

DISCLAIMER: All characters herein are owned by Joss, ME, and whoever pays him for it.  Not mine, not mine, not mine.

RATING: PG

FEEDBACK: Sure, ya, you betcha.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you don't tell your friends I will.

Spike's words kept running through her head.  Tell Willow.  Tell Xander.  Tell Dawn.  Tell them what?  That she'd been having mad wild sex with the undead?  Worse, a vampire that was once considered a true enemy?  Yeah, that'd go over like a flying elephant.

But for him to tell….was that worse?  Xander would laugh--trusty, predictable Xander.  Willow would go all deer-in-the-headlights and shake her head violently while blasting questioning, hurt looks at Buffy. And Dawnie, well, screaming wouldn't be out of the realm of experience.  Thank god Giles was in England, Buffy really didn't relish the stern, English tongue-lashing she'd be in for there.

First, she had to figure it all out in her head.  Why Spike?  He was there, he was emotionally relatable, he was there, he was very male, he was passionate and sincere—regardless of whether it was fighting or, fu….well, he was passionate, and she--she had been having a blue funk.  Melancholy, ennui, depression, angst, sorrow, a blue funk.  And he had made her feel…not bad.  She thought about their time together:  after the demon singer when the truth had come out, after Giles left, after Tara left, a bad work day, when Riley came, there was a pattern here. 

Whenever she didn't want to face the difficulty life had handed to her, Buffy turned to Spike.  Found solace and brief euphoria in his arms.  But her problems and emotions were still there when she put her clothes back on; worse, she felt guilty afterwards.  She used his love like a Kleenex. Pulled him out of his box, wiped her unsavory feelings on him and then dropped him on the floor. 

Plus, she wasn't entirely clear on his exact status as a…thing.  Was he a true vampire or not?  He didn't feed anymore, at least not on humans.  He didn't conspire against her.  He took care of Dawn, he wanted to take care of her….but, he was a demon.  A tranquilized piranha.  Did he do the things he did because he believed they were the right things to do, or because he thought they would please her—or because he had no other alternative?

Buffy sighed.  She wished things could go back to the way they used to be:  Xander and Anya happy, Willow and Tara happy and white magiky, Dawn being sisterly, Giles still here and Spike in the definitively evil category.  Life would be so much simpler.

Closing her eyes, Buffy resigned herself to the life she was in.  It was not perfect and hurtless.  It was life.  Pain, anger, confusion….there had to be a balance—somewhere, sometime the fun had to come in.  She was determined to find that balance.  She took a deep breath and went to find Willow…