Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this story. I do not claim that any of the story's contents is meant seriously.

"I need coffee," Lorelai stated with a pleading almost helpless look while holding a mug that looked as if it could hold most of the Mediterranean Sea.

Luke didn't bother to look up, as he wrote down someone's order rather obsessively.

"I ne-ed coffee," she pleaded swaying the mug in his face; he quickly dived out the way skilfully as it almost crashed into his right cheek.

"There are many well-trained American army officers that have advanced skills in criminal persuasion, noneof them could persuade me to even let you look at coffee. It's unhealthy" Luke grunted.

They were in Luke's Diner, Lorelai with half blow-dried hair, half crazy wet mop; Luke with his trademark baseball cap and an unhappy Kirk groaning about beef-burgers, "Luke, I said medium rear… this is cooked to ash…. I demand a new one!" Kirk finished with a smash of his hand on the counter, they both ignored him easily.

"I'll sing," Lorelai threatened, with an evil smirk.

Luke glanced up, "Y-you wouldn't," he stuttered, terror spreading over his body like margarine; he dropped the notepad he was writing on.

Her evil smile grew wider over Lorelai's face, " I have a meeting at the bank in an hour, I need coffee, there are many extremes I will go to," she whispered in a sickly sweat voice.

"Y-you wouldn't," Luke repeated "not in my diner." He tried to stand his ground by standing up straight with his head up high, but lost all courage when he saw her lean in on her elbows her eyes glistening with mischief.

"Ever heard of the Brittany Spears song "Hit Me Baby One More Time"?" she asked and started to climb onto the counter, her heels making a ear piercing sound as they screeched against the counter.

"Lorelai, get down from there, this is ridiculous," Luke said, looking up at her as she wiggled her hips, rubbing her hand against her throat as if to make it relax for her oh-so-angelic-voice.

"'My Loneliness is killin' me,'" she began, raising her hands as her voice got higher, "'I must confess I still believe!'" she continued as Kirk started singing vocals, "Still believe!" he croaked in an feminine voice before Luke grabbed him by his collar and threw him in his seat.

"Here's the key to the back room, it has all my coffee supplies and already made coffee," he staggered giving Lorelai a rusty set of keys, before running into the storage room and turning the radio up as load as he could to drown Lorelai's voice from his mind.

"Aww, you didn't have to do that…" she smiled and skipped of behind the counter. What Luke didn't know was that he had made the prime fault of all.

Lorelai examined the old keys, these looked older than the movie "Cry Baby" she thought she walked down a narrow hallway towards an even older and narrower door.

Now her mind was of coffee and on Johnny Depp's angelic looking face as he started to dance the 'Cha, Cha, Cha' with her… mmh, and now was back on coffee.

She entered the enormous room to find hundreds of giant vats of coffee, almost touching the ceiling, brewing away. It smelt like… like… heaven. She was in her coffee god's heaven. She smiled at the world around her.

Her world froze. She could feel her heart pumping, romantic music playing in the background.

Like enormous rainwater tanks the size of the Eiffel tower.

She cautiously crept through the valley of caffeine carriers until she came across the reception desk, which oddly enough, had a friendly looking receptionist who looked like a spitting image of Jess… wearing a bikini. Red bikini.

"Need coffee, need coffee… coffee, coffee, coffee!" Lorelai rambled.

Jess looked up and smiled warmly.

"Hi, and welcome to Coffee. Co: the world's largest producer of coffee! How may I help you?" He asked all together to enthusiastic, placing his checklist down and adjusting the phone head ware attached to his ear. Was this a secret, less monotone side of him?

"Nee-heed coffee," Lorelai repeated.

"Of coarse! Just approach one of our friendly staff for assistance!" He replied, before answering the phone in a sicklier sweat voice than her own.

What staff? Lorelai thought as she turned around, looking up toward the glass ceiling.

There, waddling about in mid-air, were hundreds, no thousands, of miniature sized workers of Luke Danes. Thousands of little winged midgets with backward baseball caps and facial hair, all managing the coffee.

"Aww, Luke has his very own Oompa Loompas!" she grinned thinking aloud.

Lorelai stood in awe, and then started climbing, still in admiration, up the long ladder leading to the top of the biggest tank.

One of the cranky coffee fairies flew toward her.

"Miss, this coffee is very strong, possibly you could go to a different vat," The mini-me grunted in an un-human voice. "What's your nick name? Grumpy?" she scoffed while shoving him away so he went flying threw the factory saying "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Lorelai stopped listening to the warnings; she bombed into the pool before the Lil' Lukes could stop her.

Drinking.

Swimming.

Immersing her body and soul in the great, strong…great…well, coffee.

In moments the enormous vat was empty and Lorelai lay motionless at the bottom, every now and then letting out giddy laughs.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Screamed the Oompa -Loompa's.

"Why did you let her drink the Crystal Coffee!" One shouted.

"What the hell is crystal coffee!" yelled another, scratching his head in confusion.

"There's no such thing, I made it up! I didn't have enough time to think of something like… mmm…. Courage's Coffee Killing Caffeine," The first shouted back, "But she just drank the most powerful fluid in the world, it's fatal to humans!"

"More powerful than holy water?" asked the smallest.

"Oh, here we go, mister religious strikes again!" scoffed a particularly scruffy one.

"Arg, I am gonna get fired! My wife is going to kill me!" the first screamed as the new intern took notes of what was going on.

Ten metres below lay Lorelai, not breathing, heart not beating. Her only hope was her incredibly advanced stomach. Please wake up, Lorelai! Me hungry!

Her eyes snapped open, her mouth snapped in a sharp breath and she took to the skies, at the speed of sound, fists in the air!

"WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She broke through the roof without any effort at all and flexed her knew grown massive muscles.

"Ha ha!" she laughed in a some-what noble way, "Trouble is brewing at the bank! My help is needed!"

"Oh, darn! My hair is ruined!" she huffed.

And with that she placed one hand on her hip and the other, still in a fist, above her head and flew away so fast it became a blur.

Jess watched all this from behind his desk and spoke into his earpiece in a quite voice.

"Yes Boss, it has been done," he whispered, "No Boss, the workers don't know. Yes. I see. Okay," he backed away into a dark corner (that just so happened to be right behind him) and continued.

"No, I wasn't the one who ate all the corn flakes!" he whined.

"She is really the only one who will be able to save us?" he asked even quieter before adding in a cheery voice "Oh, and Luke? Can I go to the city tonight?"

In a time where the weak and tired are deprived the right to sufficient caffeine,

A time in which injustice is served from Stars Hollow to the Hollow Stars of the sky,

Only one stands out, one hero, one woman, one caffeine addict! Introducing…\/p>

………

We are sorry; Lorelai hasn't come up with a name yet…

R&R plz.

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