AN: So, it might be apparent that I'm kind of obsessed with Pezberry fluff and after a little collaboration with the wonderful author, GorgeousSmile, I've decided to start a one-shot series! Yay! I decided to keep them grouped together so that it would be easier for alerts, for those who may want them. Also, all reviews, etc. are dedicated to GorgeousSmile because without them there wouldn't have been a super duper, awesomely fluffy list of ideas for me to write from! Thanks! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except for the nasty spider.
Technically, these one shots won't be related to my other stories (Look for an update soon!) but this one was inspired by the mention of Santana being afraid of spiders in my story, Finding Santana. Hope you like it!
Slaying Spiders
As Santana struggled to make her way towards she and Rachel's en suite bathroom in the dark for water, she felt as if she had just been resurrected from the dead instead of sleep. After hours of sex and four orgasms later – only counting her own – her legs still felt like jelly and her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth, probably from sweating out all of her hydration with their Olympic worthy scissoring. She just wanted to curl into Rachel to sleep for a million more years. Or at least until the alarm clock went off.
But for feeling as out of it as she did, when she flipped on the bathroom light and spotted the dark colored spider in the threshold she was able to somehow jump nearly ten feet to the left, landing on top of their cherry wood vanity while screaming the entire time.
"What's wrong? Santana! Where are you!"
Suddenly, the bedroom light came on thanks to a panicked Rachel and she found her wife crouched on the biggest piece of furniture in their room – aside from the bed where she should have been. She was wrapped in the charcoal grey top sheet that had long been forgotten on the floor in their love making frenzy and sporting an expression of utter terror.
"Why are you up there!" Rachel asked quickly, and then surveyed the room for any imminent threats that would have caused the dramatic reaction. Her eyes were still trying to adjust to the sudden, blinding light but she still couldn't see anything that warranted Santana acting like a woman possessed.
"There's a huge spider right there by the door! I think it's a black widow or maybe a tarantula, it's like as big as a baseball!" Santana blathered, and clutched her sheet tightly around her chest.
Rachel sighed and headed towards the closet. "How big is it really?"
"It's really big! I swear, it is! But where are you going! Don't leave me here!" the Latina shouted frantically, as Rachel disappeared out of view.
"I'm getting my robe, my goodness, Santana…"
Ignoring her wife's tone, which was so obviously trying to tell her she was over reacting, Santana carefully eyed the eight legged invader. Everything was seeming as if there would be enough time for Rachel to come back and dispose of it, but that all changed when it began scurrying across the carpeting. Santana pushed herself further back onto the vanity and set to screaming again. "Rachel! Rachel! Rachel!"
"What! What's wrong now!" The petite brunette was still trying to get her arms in the sleeves of her robe as she nearly sprinted out of the closet with a flashlight in hand.
"It crawled under the bed!" Santana cried, while looking so anguished that there may have been a real possibility of tears being shed.
Rolling her eyes, Rachel got down on her hands and knees, lifted the bed sham and clicked on the flashlight. Due to Santana's not-so-mild case of arachnophobia this definitely was not her first spider wrangling rodeo.
"Be careful, baby…" Santana called from the safety of her perch.
"You act like I'm slaying a dragon," Rachel huffed and then turned the flashlight off, ending her very brief search. "And I don't see anything."
"It's there!" insisted Santana, pointing her index finger urgently. "I know it's there!"
"Well, if I can't find it then I can't do anything about it. So, I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it looks like this dragon got away." After setting the flashlight on their bedside table, Rachel reached out a hand toward Santana who had made herself more comfortable by sitting cross legged. "Come on, come back to bed. You're acting like me."
Santana furrowed her brows in frustration and slapped her hand on the vanity's smooth surface. "Are you kidding me! I can't sleep with that thing lurking underneath us! I am not coming over there…you're crazy."
"Oh, Santana, my darling badass…" Rachel said whimsically, as she approached her and took both of her hands by force. "You are going to go back to sleep, because I have to get up in five hours and you're not keeping me awake." She pulled the pouting Latina off the desk, walked her towards their bed and then pushed her into the middle of it before spooning her from behind, using her arms and a leg over her hips to keep her in place.
Santana whimpered helplessly, thinking about all the horrific outcomes that might take place because of this situation. That spider might crawl up her nose if she fell asleep or maybe take up residence in her ear, and then it would surely lay eggs that would consume her brain. "Rachel, please, I can't sleep like this," she whined.
"Shh…" Rachel whispered against her ear, the one that was most likely going to be violated by a spider soon. She ran her fingertips through Santana's jet colored hair, but it didn't make her feel any more at ease. "I'll keep you safe. Now, go back to sleep, okay?"
"No!" Santana whispered harshly. "Not okay! You're being the worst wife ever right now!"
"Mhmm, okay, baby…"
After Rachel had fallen back to sleep, Santana was left alone with her thoughts and the ever elusive spider – wherever it may have been. Every brush of material, every tickle of Rachel's hair falling against her skin felt like an arachnophobic nightmare and it was giving her high blood pressure. She was already close to hyperventilating when something tickled across the top of her exposed foot and then there was no way she was staying in that bed. She bolted upright and away to find the light switch, sure that when the lights came on she was going to find Rachel encased in a mutant-like spider's web.
"Ugh, what now?" the brunette on the bed asked as she covered her eyes and tossed in annoyance.
"I felt something run acro –"
Before Santana could finish Rachel was screaming bloody murder and nearly bowling her over as she raced to get out of the room. Once in the hallway, she continued to do a strange jerking dance while shrieking and vigorously shaking out her long, loose locks.
"What! What! What's wrong!" Santana tried to shout over the raucous.
"It was crawling on me!"
"Ugh!" Santana squealed in disgust and then began doing a crazy jig of her own, even though the chances of the spider being on her were decidedly slim.
"Let's get out of here!" Rachel suggested, and then took her wife's hand.
Santana willingly followed along, but not before closing their bedroom door in hopes of keeping the beast contained. It could have her silk pillowcases without question.
Twenty minutes later, all was calm in the Lopez household but the two women cozied up in blankets on the leather couch were still very much sleepless. The spider – Santana was sure – was ransacking their bedroom and she was perfectly okay with that.
"You were scared of it," Santana whispered into Rachel's neck. She was lying on the smaller woman's chest, while usually the roles were reversed. She felt that after the ordeal she had been through she deserved a little babying.
"It just surprised me and not to mention it was actually on me!" Rachel argued in her defense. "You barely see a spider and you're climbing the furniture."
"It startled me, okay!"
"Mhmm, sure…" Rachel walked her fingertips up Santana's bare back with feather light touches, making her shiver violently.
"Don't do that!" But Rachel did keep doing it, just to hear Santana whine because she rarely did it and it was actually pretty cute. "Stop it, Rachel!"
"Stop it, Rachel!" the petite brunette mocked back and then began attacking her wife's neck with kisses. After a bit of a tickle and kiss fight, Rachel managed to get Santana onto her back so she could straddle her hips. From the vantage point, she continued her teasing by tracing her fingertips up Santana's arm to her neck. "The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout, then it crawled under our bed and made Santana pout…"
"You're being so mean right now. If you don't stop singing that your itsy bitsy ass is getting a divorce."
"You love my ass," Rachel rasped into her ear, before taking it between her teeth.
"Not right now I don't," Santana countered, while trying to cross her arms.
Rachel stopped her and guided her to put her arms over her head to lay on the armrest. "Well, what if I did this…" She slowly slipped two fingers down Santana's toned stomach and then just a little further, making her back arch. "Do you love me now?"
The Latina's eyes slipped shut and her mouth fell open. "O-oh…" she sighed. "Y-yeah…I love you."
~S~R~S~R~S~R~S~R~
Despite the eventful night she had had, Santana woke up a positively sated woman. That was until she stepped into the kitchen still clad in only a blanket (because she was not going up to the spider quarantine room) and nearly jumped out of her skin. There on the countertop, a little glass jar containing said infamous spider was acting as a paper weight to a piece of lavender stationery paper.
"Ugh!" Santana exclaimed in disgust, as she grabbed a corner of the paper and tugged it out from under the glass.
Good morning, Gorgeous ~
I found your eight legged friend on the bedroom wall before I left for work this morning, so I thought I would give you the chance to thank him for the ahhhmazing sex we had (again) last night.
"That little bitch..."
I already know what you're thinking, 'That little bitch…' But I just can't help it that I love seeing that pouty face you're going to make at me when I get home so much. Don't worry though, he's fairly friendly and I promise I'll take care of him right after I get home and take care of you. I love you with everything that I am, Santana, and I will always slay the spiders for you, darling.
Your wife,
~ Rachel
After reading the short note, Santana couldn't help but be all smitten smiles and she certainly couldn't be mad at the spider for crawling into her bedroom anymore. She would have been crawling in there as well if she wasn't already married to the sweetest woman imaginable, who slept there each night with her.
Picking up the jar, Santana sighed to herself. The spider wasn't really that big or scary, actually he was kind of tiny – like Rachel – but with six too many eyes and legs.
"Well, I guess I owe you a thank you, little buddy," Santana said, but then stuck her tongue out in repulsion and suffered a full body tremor. "But I'm still never going to like you as much as I'll love her for squishing you when she gets home from work tonight, you creepy bastard."
