to be with you
"Bitch… I love her. And she loves me."
"The farm is fulfilling Cheryl in ways you can't even begin to imagine," Evelyn attempted to explain.
Toni stepped closer, leaving inches between her and the Farmie, "I find that hard to believe."
A smirk crossed the taller girl's face, "Have a blessed day." She turned and left, leaving Toni alone with a feeling of unease in her stomach. The pinkette took a deep breath in an attempt to soothe herself before exiting the bathroom and heading directly for the Blue & Gold.
"Betty!" Toni called as she ran into the room. "We have a problem."
The blonde paused the tape she was replaying for the dozenth time and looked up from her notes, "What's wrong? Is it Cheryl?"
"I think that demonic Farmie is gonna try something."
"What do you mean?
"She bombarded me in the bathroom and accused me getting in the way of Cheryl's studies at the farm, and then she said some shit about me not fulfilling my girlfriend like they can. Can you believe that?"
"And you think she's going to come between you?"
"I think shes gonna try," Toni clenched her jaw and looked up at the wall. She could feel tears stinging her eyes, desperate to fall, and didn't want to cry in front of the blonde. Toni Topaz didn't cry, not in front of other people anyways. She only trusted one person enough to cry in front of, and she wasn't about to lose her because of a damn ghost.
"It would make sense. That's what they did to my mom," Betty lamented. "I think they did it with Polly too. It's a common cult tactic, isolating their members from their loved ones."
"Yeah, by making them believe their dead ones are back," Toni scoffed, shaking her head slightly. She lifted her hand and quickly wiped away the tears before the could escape.
"You don't think they'd make Cheryl choose do you? Between you and Jason?"
The pink haired girl's jaw dropped. She knew Betty was right the moment the words left her mouth. "But that wouldn't work right? I'm real. And Cher and I… she loves me. No, she wouldn't throw us away."
"Toni, no one doubts how much Cheryl loves you, but you didn't know her when Jason was alive. You didn't see how it affected her when she lost him," Betty explained gently. "Evelyn and her father are ruthless. If they wanted to break you up they'd use Jason. It's the only card they have."
"If that gremlin tries to do that to her, I'll-"
"You'll join the Farm," Betty said as it if was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Excuse me?" Toni asked, taken aback at the suggestion.
The blonde stood from the desk and walked over to Toni, "It's what they do; they'll make Cheryl believe its the Farm or you, and to her the Farm means Jason. My mom tried to get me to join, and the more I refused the farther she slipped away. If she asks you to join, do it."
"Betty, I-"
"Toni, I am so sorry I ever asked Cheryl to help with this. I should have known she'd be susceptible to that garbage Edgar is preaching. After everything she's been through, I should have known better," Betty explained in apology, seeming desperate but sincere. "But if we want to save her and my mom, to save all of them, we need someone on the inside."
"Cheryl," the Farmie greeted as she stopped next to the Vixen's locker. "We need to talk."
"Good morning, Evelyn," Cheryl smiled. "Apologies for missing last night's festivities. Toni and I-"
"That's what I want to talk to you about actually," she interrupted.
"Of course," Cheryl nodded. "It won't happen again. I had fully intended on being there."
"This isn't about the meeting. This is about Toni."
"W-what?"
Evelyn took a step closer and gazed at Cheryl intimidatingly, "She's getting in the way of your progress. I think you know how serious of a situation this is; the Farm needs to be your priority."
"I have many priorities," she countered. "TT is one of them, as is the Farm."
"There's no room for distractions, not if you want to continue down this path. Are you really ready to say goodbye to your brother again?"
She felt the air leave her lungs, "What are you saying, Evelyn?"
"I've spoken with my father, and unless Toni will join us, you need to decide who matters most. Your brother or your girlfriend. The Farm needs more than just your time when it's convenient, Cheryl."
"I… I can't do that," Cheryl replied, her voice strained with panic.
The Farmie gave her an insincere smile, "I expect your decision by this afternoon." She turned, leaving Cheryl standing frozen as a wave of nausea flooded her.
No.
Cheryl slammed the door to her locker and took off down the hall, determined to get somewhere private before allowing the tears burning her eyes to fall. Not finding any free classrooms, the redhead headed for the gym. She sat on the bleachers, in the same spot she had this time the previous year after her mother caused her to lose the lead in Carrie, where Toni had found her.
She cried into her hands, her voice muffled as she asked herself, "How am I supposed to do this?" The sound of her sobs echoed through the gymnasium. Evelyn had asked the one thing Cheryl never expected to have to do, choose between the only two people to ever really care about her.
"I need to talk to JJ. He'd know what to do."
If you choose Toni, you'll be able never talk to him again.
"I can't lose her. I just got her back," she cried, knowing full well how she'd look if someone walked in and saw her crying hysterically while talking to herself, but she didn't care.
You just got Jason back too.
"I don't want to choose!" Her cries grew more desperate, and she struggled to breathe.
You have to, not even you get to have everything. Pick, Cheryl. Your brother or your girlfriend? Who do love more?
She didn't know, she loved them both so much it hurt. Jason had always been her protector. She thought of him as her soulmate, her other half. But Toni, she brought light to her dim existence. She showed Cheryl what love could feel like. The redhead didn't want to say goodbye to either.
"E-Evelyn s-said if T-Toni joins I can h-have them both."
She's not joining the Farm. Who are you kidding? She thinks you've gone crazy. You have to make a choice. Did you honestly think you could have everything?
"I can't," the redhead sobbed. She wrapped her arms around her abdomen, trying to ease the pain that was taking over her body.
Toni will leave you, just like everyone else.
Cheryl shook her head, "S-she won't."
She already left you once. Next time could be for good, and then you won't have anyone.
"Stop it," she pleaded with herself.
Jason was taken from you, he didn't leave. Are you going to leave him now that he's back?
"I l-love her."
You love Jason. All you've wanted was your brother to come back, and how he is. Are you really ready to let that go? For a girl?
"S-stop! Shut up."
She won't stay. You're doing her a kindness, letting her go now. She'll find someone who isn't so broken. Toni can do better than you. Let her go.
"I… I d-don't… please…"
If you don't, Jason will really be gone forever. Can you live without him? You remember what happened the last time.
Cheryl began choking on her sobs as the memory of Sweetwater River invaded her mind. Once she managed to catch her breath, she screamed out into the empty room, "Stop!"
Face facts, Cheryl. You're unlovable. It's a miracle she's put up with you this long. If you pick her, sooner or later she will leave you. It's only a matter of time before she sees the monster you are.
"I'm not… I'm not a monster," her body shook as she tried to reason with the voice inside her head. "Toni s-said…"
Lies. How could anyone love you? You aren't worth it. Toni will find someone else, someone better. At least you'll have him if you break it off with her now. If you wait you'll lose them both. At least choosing him means you won't end up alone.
"Choosing him means I won't end up alone," she said aloud, her voice dripping with defeat and self doubt.
Make the safe decision. You don't want to end up alone, do you?
"I don't want to be alone," Cheryl wailed, completely besides herself.
A little pain now is better than having no one once she leaves you.
Knowing what she needed to do, Cheryl did her best to compose herself. The redhead was currently a blubbering mess, her eyes red and puffy and her face soaked with tears. She needed to find her bearings, because the conversation she was about to have would take every ounce of strength she had.
Cheryl missed her next class completely. She didn't think she could handle being around anyone else right now. Sometimes she missed the days when everything about her was a facade, when she could put her HBIC walls up without a second thought. She had been miserable, but at least she had been in control. Toni tore those walls down. It showed her what happiness felt like, but it also left her open to the heartbreak she was feeling now, with no way to conceal the storm brewing inside of her.
She knew Toni's schedule, of course she did. She knew her class schedule, her work schedule, her Pretty Poisons schedule, even how many times Toni needed to hit the snooze button before waking up in the morning. Cheryl knew everything about her girlfriend, never wanting Toni to think she didn't care.
Knowing her girlfriend's routine had always been a good thing. On more than one occasion she'd find herself waiting outside Toni's class just so she could walk to her next with the pink haired girl's hand in her own. Today however, it was a curse.
Cheryl forced herself to stand from the bleachers and began the walk to the girls' locker room. Toni would be there, she always arrived early for gym. The redhead felt the tears pierce her eyes again and did her best to bury her emotions.
As soon as the redhead opened the door she saw her. Toni was digging through her locker, not yet noticing she wasn't alone. Cheryl nervously pulled at the sleeves of her sweater as approached her girlfriend
Your soon to be ex-girlfriend.
She inwardly flinched at the thought.
"TT," Cheryl breathed out her name.
Toni's attention snapped to Cheryl, immediately noticing the distress her girlfriend was under, "Are you okay?"
The redhead exhaled, "Evelyn said I have to make a choice… Jason or you."
"Cheryl, Jason's a ghost. I'm right here. You love me," Toni reminded her. The shorter girl's eyes were full of sorrow, but not of surprise. She had a feeling this would happen, she had been prepared, but expecting it didn't make it hurt any less.
The taller girl shook her head and tried to fight back her tears. She failed as a single teardrop fell down her cheek as she spoke, "I'm sorry, Toni. I do love you, but I've loved Jason my whole life."
Without waiting for a response, Cheryl nodded and turned to leave. She didn't want to see the damage she caused. It hurt enough without seeing Toni cry because of her.
Before she even had the chance to face the door, Toni reached to stop her, "Cheryl, I'm not gonna let this happen. There has to be a way you can be with me… and Jason."
The redhead sniffled, "There is. If you're willing to open your mind to it."
"Whatever it takes," the pinkette assured. "I'm not letting you go again, not ever."
Cheryl hadn't allowed herself to imagine a scenario where Toni fought for her, and now that it was happening she instantly felt pounds lighter, as if a weight had suddenly been removed from her chest. Maybe she could have it all. Her brother and her girlfriend. "Will you come with me to the Farm after school and meet Edgar?"
Toni gave a weak smile then nodded, "Of course, babe."
