Where Do Fathers Go? Prologue


Suggested Theme:

Main Theme- Daydreaming by Radiohead


Kylo Ren does not understand why General Hux seems so fascinated by Matt the Radar Technician. He's always staring at him. And not in the icy way that the General seems to reserve for officers who make stupid mistakes or when he catches Kylo Ren destroying yet another control panel.

No, this look is strange. Or rather, it's the General's eyes that are strange.

Normally, the General's eyes are blue and cold like ice water. Those are the eyes that occupy the General's face and command respect from everyone and everything. Even from the Master of the Knights of Ren. Those are the same arrogant eyes that Kylo Ren relishes making them narrow when he destroys some expensive machine aboard the Finalizer.

But with Matt, however, the General's eyes become green. And, no, it's not the kind of green that blue-green eyes have. This green is solid, not a trace of icy blue, and so very isolated.

It's almost like a clicking sound can be heard when the General's eyes change. In the Force, he can see a flicker in the General's nonexistent, dark presence. It's not illumination, but, rather, a regeneration. Like a limb that has been hacked off and grows back again.

This is how Kylo Ren as Matt can detect the usually undetectable presence of General Hux.

Kylo Ren took up the disguise as Matt the Radar Technician to prove to himself, and the coldhearted General, that he can fix his own messes. And to be honest, Kylo really enjoys being Matt.

Matt the Radar Technician does not command respect or fear. He is just an average-looking person with an average job. He can blend in with the normal population and watch these people go about with their normal lives. And he learns more things about them from just listening to these people gossip than he ever did from casually perusing their minds.

Like there's a First Order Betting Pool and it's allegedly run by Captain Phasma and Chief Petty Officer Umano. And within that umbrella, Matt discovered how depraved bets can be. Most of the sexual ones could make even a Sith Lord blush. Especially the ones involving the General.

Most of the bets make the General out to be some Casanova with great sexual prowess. Because of this, Matt half-expected the General to be staring at him with hints of lust, or even picturing some perverse sexual act.

But the General's stares, his green eyes, are…innocent. He's not looking at Matt with apodyopsis. No, it's more reserved, almost fretful. Like the General wants to do something for Matt but can't. Another mystery to the unknown General.

Kylo Ren does not like mysteries in people. The Force allows him to unravel mysteries, even from Force-blind individuals. He likes being privy to secrets that are never told to him. General Hux is holding so many secrets in himself that he must be bursting at the seams, but his mind does not reflect that state. The General's mind is like a mass of crawling shadows, preventing someone as skilled as Kylo Ren from getting even a glimpse into the General's headspace.

He wants to know. He wants to break into the General's impervious, mental fortress and see who the General really is. He wants to see what kind of soul he has, if any.

And this is where Matt the Radar Technician gets to be finally put to good use. Kylo Ren knows that the General has a soft-spot for the technician; he never yells at the technician for being slow in his repairs or curse at him for laying out his tools in the middle of the hallway. No, he never says anything to technician; he just watches him like some distant sentinel.

Matt knows, through the loud chatter of the cooking staff, that the General loves peaches. He's the only one on the ship that loves to eat the peach muffins, rather than the far superior dark chocolate-chip muffins.

Matt also knows that there are areas on the ship, very few, where the security cameras do not record; Kylo Ren plans on taking advantage of one of the blackspots in the security feed and destroy some important equipment near the blackspot. When some passerby, most likely a Stormtrooper, inevitably reports on Kylo Ren's latest machinery destruction, Matt will be the one who volunteers to "repair" it.

And like always, the General will come to supervise him. Most likely during his lunchtime or barely a second after the end of his shift. He will think that the technician has not spotted him and will continue to watch him in silence.

Except, Matt will be the one to approach the General and offer to share his peach with him. And he knows that the General will not refuse, especially after Matt takes a bite to prove it has not been poisoned, his favorite fruit.

And once the General takes a bite out of the peach, he will fall into a sleep like death. That is when Kylo Ren will finally have access to the tight-lipped General's thoughts and he'll know all of the General's secrets without the General's knowledge.

I wonder what the first thought I'll come across his mind. Probably on something like budget or cursing me for destroying another useless control panel. Oh well, I finally get to see what the General is really made of. Probably snips, and snails, and puppy dog tails. But I finally get to behold the General's soul, to touch it, to tear it apart until it yields me all of his secrets. And it will all be thanks to his "fascination" for Matt. Simple, innocent Matt.


Today is General Hux's birthday. It is the thirteenth standard day of the twelfth standard month, and today is his birthday. And like every night before his birthday for the past twenty-five years, he did not sleep. It is not out of some childish excitement that exists for normal people. It is out of dread because it marks the passing of another year. Another year where he's still a failure. Where he has yet to answer the question that his plaguing him since he was barely five:

Where do fathers go?

No one wishes him a happy birthday. No one congratulates him for making it pass another year. There will be no birthday cake waiting for him at the end of his long day. It's just another day for General Hux, except it's not. Today's the day in which he feels the weight of all his mistakes and his failures crush him, but he never shows it. He's just very skilled at not showing his despondency by hiding behind his stern countenance.

Yet today, he feels worse than usual. Right now, he's curled up under his desk with his knees tucked under his chin. If anyone were to walk in, they would notice that the General was not in his office at the moment. They would probably shrug and just leave, not bothering to investigate further.

And perhaps that's why he feels worse than usual. He knows that no one on this ship loves him. They care about their General but only to the extent that they rest their survival and some of their hopes on his thin shoulders. They use him more than he uses them.

So when his comlink goes off, he is happy for the minute distraction from his self-hatred. He hears Captain Phasma reporting that Lord Ren has once again destroyed some expensive piece of equipment and slammed some of her men into the walls before storming out like the volatile tool that he is.

Hux can feel his face contort halfway into a smile. Today, just for today, he is very grateful to Lord Ren. Normally, he's exasperated by how much of the budget that Lord Ren's latest temper tantrum will eat into. He actually had to give himself a pay cut and do away with his bonus this year, so he wouldn't have to slash any of his hardworking staff's paychecks. He knows that Lieutenant Mitaka is going to need all the money he can get for the upcoming birth of his third daughter.

Again, Hux will probably have to give himself another pay cut depending on the extent of Lord Ren's latest rampage. But he gets to see Matt the Radar Technician again.

Matt Amidala is his latest passion. And the reason why he secretly enjoys it when Lord Ren gets lightsaber-happy. Usually, or at least the past eleven standard months not like Hux was counting, Matt is the one who volunteers to clean up Lord Ren's mess.

When he first saw Matt, it was when he was casually strolling by Lord Ren's latest disaster site, trying to make his way to his quarters without being noticed. He was worn from dealing with the ever-disapproving High Command and defending himself, once again, against Lord Ren during one of their bi-weekly meetings with Supreme Leader Snoke.

Matt had his tools laid out and was gingerly trying to salvage whatever wiring that wasn't burnt to hell by Lord Ren's unstable lightsaber. He wasn't humming under his breath or stealthily cursing the Knight of Ren; his concentration was so intense that he did not even register that the General was standing right behind him.

Hux was reminded of Jaina when she was trying to rebuild the engine to a half-destroyed TIE fighter. She was so absorbed in making sure that all of the parts were properly assembled that Hux was able to throw a pebble at the back of her head and she didn't even bother to turn around and cuss him out like she would've normally done.

Hux was absolutely certain that he could've done the same thing to Matt and get no reaction from him. But Hux didn't want to do something puerile to Matt. He found it so soothing watching this random technician fixing practically-destroyed control panels; it was like watching ocean waves lapping at the sandy shores of Rakata Prime. The technician worked so cautiously and methodically that thirty minutes passed before Hux even realized it.

It was only when the technician stood up that Hux realized he's been watching some complete stranger work for a long time. He also got his first good look at the technician. The technician was about five centimeters taller than him, and his frame was much bigger than his. Not in heavy weight, but by the bulging muscles hidden beneath the loose grayish-green jumpsuit. He had a golden nametag pinned to his neon-orange vest:

Matt

The name fits the technician, Hux decided that he liked the name. It was a name that does not bring him stress unlike Kylo Ren. It also wasn't Imperial-sounding, the kind that you would give a bastard, like his own, Armitage.

Matt's hair was a mass of mildly curling, blonde locks. However, he could see some nearly-black locks sticking out from under the blonde leading Hux to believe that Matt must dye his hair. He had a large nose but it fit well with his large lips, big brown eyes accented by his glasses, and protruding ears; his slightly-large features remind him a bit of the Commandant's face. And just like the name, Hux liked Matt's face.

Matt didn't say anything to him, no hello, sir or would you like something, General; in fact, it looked like he was waiting for something. And Hux realized his error for not announcing his presence earlier. Matt thought that Hux was here to reprimand him for doing something wrong, when Hux really wanted to just keep on watching Matt work. So Hux decided to leave without saying a word and return to his quarters.

In the privacy of his quarters, he slapped himself hard. He was embarrassed at himself for just walking away like some peeping tom that got caught red-handed. He almost went back out there to explain himself to Matt, to tell him that he wasn't there to criticize him, until he remembered who he was:

General Hux

It would be quite a detriment to his reputation for apologizing to an underling, particularly one who doesn't technically work for him, for simply supervising. Yes, that's what Hux told himself; he was just supervising. He then spent about thirty minutes obsessively searching for Matt in the First Order database. He wanted to make sure that Matt was most qualified for his position, or so he told himself.

Name: Matt Amidala. Birthplace: Unknown. Age: 25. Occupation: Radar Technician. Hux was not perturbed by the lack of information in Matt's file. Nor was he suspicious. The moment he saw Birthplace: Unknown he knew it meant that Matt was an orphan. Usually, orphans, particularly those abandoned at birth, of the First Order were put in the Stormtrooper program unless they were deemed physically unfit or had genius-level intellect in a certain field.

Hux immediately presumed that Matt must be a wizard at mechanics or radars, or something like that. However, he must lack ambition if he was still just a Radar Technician at his young age. Or he was completely satisfied with where he was in life. If it was the latter, then Hux, secretly, wished he could feel the same.

And from that first meeting, Hux made it his mission to watch Matt whenever he was able to. Which was not as often as he would've liked, but the end results were the same: Matt brought him peace. For Hux, peace was never something he could make for himself; his life, even after the Academy, was a crusade for an answer to his life's greatest question:

Where do fathers go?

Matt does not make him forget that ever-burning question, but he does make him feel like he doesn't have to search for the answer in that instance. He would never say anything during his supervision, while Matt returned the silence with even more silence. Sometimes, the blonde technician would look at him, but his glances would waver back to his work after a couple of seconds.

Always, Hux would feel words claw at the back of his throat like how are you, do you like what you are doing, why do you even do this, and hello, my name is Armitage Hux, and I really, really like your name. And like always, Hux would resist himself, resist the words that would screech across his mind like the dirge of a dying dragon, for this simple reason: he will not ruin Matt.

Hux is very aware of what horrors he will unleash upon the galaxy; the Commandant told him the prophecy when he was sixteen. He is very aware how he will die; Mara told him his ending when he was seventeen. He will never make it to forty and the galaxy shall rejoice in his death, but at least there will be snow. And by then, he hopes, really the only private hope he has anymore, to answer that dolor:

Where do fathers go?

So he gives himself a troth: he will not ruin Matt. Hux's fate has been signed and has been sealed; he is just waiting for deliverance. He will not start a relationship that will just bring Matt down with him. Matt deserves happiness, even if his happiness seems to be doing his mediocre job. And if he does not say anything to Matt or even touch Matt, then there's no way he can ruin him.

He will not ruin Matt.

He will not ruin Matt.

I will not ruin—

"Would you like a peach, sir?" Hux is snapped out of his cerebration by a man's voice. Hux escapes his mind and sees that Matt is standing right before him. His plush lips are slightly open, and his bespectacled eyes are not looking directly at him, reminding Hux of a child slightly afraid for asking a question. It takes a minute for Hux to finally rip his intense gaze from the inwardly squirming technician and look down.

A peach. In Matt's outstretched, massive, hand is a peach. This peach is perhaps the most beautiful-looking peach that he has ever seen. It's lightly fuzzed with shades of soft reds and creamy yellows. It's the kind of peach that would be fed to a queen.

"For you, sir." Hux's throat tightens and he barely manages to hold back the tears in his eyes. Today is his birthday, and it's been twenty-six years now since someone actually gave him a gift. Don't you fucking cry! Force-dammnit, do that when you get to your quarters! But not in front of Matt….Matt who is kind enough to actually give me something without even knowing that today's…my birthday.

"I…..am sorry. I….thought maybe….I-I'll just return to my work, sir." Matt bites his lips like it will stop their trembling. Hux can see that Matt's eyes have dimmed into an even a darker shade. Rejection. Matt looks like he's been rejected. Hux rashly swipes the peach from the technician's hands, briefly feeling Matt's callused palm. He then takes a huge bite of the peach; he actually prefers eating peaches with their skin.

It tastes divine almost as divine as the light returning to Matt's doleful eyes. Hux takes another bite. And then another. And another. Not caring one bit that the peach juices are dribbling down his chin and staining his uniform. He eats and eats and eats, until there's nothing but the hard pit and the stem.

Hux then begins to pant heavily like he's barely managed to save himself. Well…..there goes my image of the stalwart, professional General. I must look like a crazy person to him. Who the Hells just takes a peach, without even saying so much as a "thank you", and eats it like some ravenous rancor wolf!? Me, that's who!

"Matt, I—" Hux hears himself slur his words like he drank too much mull wine. W-What? Why….am I so woozy? Matt is looking at me. He looks really worried. Got to tell him he's not at fault. Words seem unable to form in his mind, so Hux reaches out with his right hand; he strokes Matt's cheek, and then falls. Matt catches him.

He's slipping. His mind is going. To where? He does not know. But he does know that he's in Matt's arms, Matt's comforting arms. Matt is like a deep-space angel. He manages one last thought before he goes:

Where do fathers go?


Author's Comments- So I was supposed to be working on the next one-shot for Matt the Friend series or at least write another chapter of Hatchling. But then I decided to write this, which was actually supposed to be a one-shot. It was supposed to be an overview of a more canonical interpretation of Hux's backstory; and when I finished it, I would just write a bunch of one-shots to fully flesh out my, barely, canonical version of his backstory.

Yeah, that did not happen. So I decided to do a, massive, multi-chapter story where I put in the effort to fully detail Hux's past without cutting corners in a one-shot. And considering my track record when it comes to multi-chapter stories, like Hatchling where I only planned six chapters but have yet to even post another chapter, I don't think this will be finish by the end of this year. Or next. Or even the next one after that. So expect it to be a slow burn that will probably turn into an alternative universe: canon divergence depending on the future of the canon.

Okay, back to the story, I know, I know, this is like the second time I used Kylo Ren pretending to be Matt the Radar Technician to trick Hux trope. However, unlike my obviously, supremely canon diverging series of Matt the Friend, this one is where I try to be canon compliant. And, well, I guess I succeed if you believe in grey areas. Armitage Hux is vastly different from Brendol "Fae" Hux II, especially considering how Armitage is General Hux's canon name, where his life…..is just fucking miserable.

When I was drafting up the story, while trying to keep the canon background information in mind, I felt really sad. Because if I just go solely based on the canon presented, it's really easy to assume that Brendol Hux viewed his weak son as a tool and never loved him, while his "kitchen servant parent" (and wait until the next chapter how I play with it) probably loved him (if you want to be cliché about it) or only had him to get money out of Brendol Hux. And then there's Maratelle Hux, Brendol Hux's lawful wife, who, on the wiki, only gets a name and nothing else like what are her feelings to her husband's affair or her treatment of Armitage. It's even easier to assume that Maratelle Hux either ignored/avoided Armitage as much as possible or hated him because Hux's presented, canonical background so far just reminds me of the basic stuff you would write for a resentful bastard character.

So I went "fuck it" I'm just going to take advantage of the Hux's background story bones that are in the wiki and just fill it in with my new headcanons. Along with injecting/stapling some stuff from the Expanded Universe, except there won't be a Grand Admiral Thrawn in this story (but he will be in Rebels season three). And just like with Matt the Friend, I must give out this warning: I am not strictly faithful to the canon or Legends, so if you want monogamy, then this story is probably not for you.