Not like this.

Never like this.

It's true. I was scared at the beginning. I could sometimes feel the harshness in his hands when he crucified me to that tree. I remember the glowing red eyes. I remember the smirk. And I remember the abuse.

I also remember the guilt. The mind crushing guilt that woke him every night. I remember his pleading and the way his arm trembled when he took that blow for me. I remember.

The fear of seeing him in the guild melted away and I had begun to look forward to the mornings when I'd see him hunched back over the job requests board.

Around that time, my heart made its first leap. Or was it when he defended me? I'm not sure. I was in before I knew I knew I began.

I saw how our guild and friends changed him. I saw his humanity take its breath and expand and grow.

And now in my arms, he's bleeding out and my tears can't stop flowing. The memories with him rush through my mind like a photo album.

Our first adventure.

When he praised my intelligence.

The time when he held my hand for the first time.

The way he whispered his apology in the dead of the night.

Our first kiss.

Our first time together.

Me embracing him into my warmth.

Us under a cherry tree while we talked about our future.

The time when he made me laugh so hard coffee burst from my nose.

The nights I gathered his broken pieces and tried to place them back again.

All those memories flitting by so fast I can't tell when they begin and when they end.

I press my ear to his chest chanting a prayer.

"Please. Please. Please. Don't leave me. Don't do this. You promised. You promised."

I can barely hear his heart beat. It's weak. Reminding me of the feeble bird I found when I was three.

His face is all messed up and bloodied. The eyes that I came to love so dear were closed.

"Open your eyes." I sob grasping his face in my hands. "You promised me, remember? You promised you'd never leave me. Open them. Open them. I'm begging you."

I can hear our friends in the distance searching for us. A glimmer of hope springs up and I scream:

"OVER HERE! QUICK! PLEASE!"

"Help is coming, Gajeel." I whisper to him. "Don't you dare give up on me just yet. Don't you dare. We still have our future, remember? I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. I forgive you and I love you."

I had to be physically pulled away from him as they loaded him on to the stretcher. Breaking free, I grasp his hand and refuse to let go. Your injuries they said. We need to heal them. Heal him and I'll be fine. Make him live and I'll live. Make him open his eyes and I'll never feel pain.

In the hospital, with that weak feeble heart-beat, I lay beside him dreading the worst.

If this is love, I think, then I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it.

They bandaged him up pretty heavily. I hold his hand and press it to my lips.

"I'll never leave you."

My heart stops for three seconds before my eyes dart to his face and I realize they're open. Red. Warm. Fierce. And alive.

I choke out a laugh.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Don't you ever do that to me again. Don't you ever ever do that."

Launching myself at him, smiling when he grimaces from the pain. Pain is good. That means he's alive. Alive and mine. Mine.

He presses his lips to my forehead and cry into his bandaged chest.

"I'll never let you go."