Every time she calls me beautiful I stop breathing. I want to tell her how beautiful she is. But I'm supposed to hate her. I'm supposed to despise her for stealing my boyfriend but I don't. I can't. She doesn't know what she does to me every time she speaks to me or touches me or even looks my way. Because she's so far up Finn's ass, so in love with him she doesn't see anyone else. Doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. Damn it Rachel, why can't you realize that Finn is not good for you? You don't belong with him, he's holding you back. I would let you fly, I would let you pursue your dreams like you need to. You belong on the stage, and I belong in the front row cheering you on. I just want to be your girlfriend. I hate myself for feeling this way. I'm supposed to be straight. There's already one lesbian in this school, that's the limit right? Lesbian. That's not a word I ever thought I could use to describe myself. I've never loved a boy before. I was with Finn the first time because it was logical. Hot quarterback, head cheerleader. It was so teen movie. The second time I came because Sam left me and I stayed with him to spite you. Because I knew you loved him and I didn't want you to have him because I was so bitter. Bitter because I was in love with you and I didn't want you to have anyone else. When Sam showed interest in me I went with it because I was scared. Everyone knew I could get any boy I wanted, they would get suspicious if I were single. And you were with Finn and I guess I wanted to make you jealous. How stupid. How teen movie. When will I realize that teen movies aren't like real life? Sometimes the quarterback's best friend knocks up his head cheerleader girlfriend. Sometimes that same girlfriend cheats on her boyfriend to try to convince herself she's straight. And sometimes the head cheerleader falls in love with the self-absorbed loser in Glee Club. That doesn't happen in teen movies.