Like I promised to my "fans" here I am posting the first chapter of this story. I want to underline that I wrote these chapters before finding out the spoilers about season 4 on tumblr… so yes I'm a witch! LOL

Enjoy and reviewwwww!

Sorry doesn't even begin to describe how am I feeling"

As soon as Annie left her office Joan opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle. She turned it around in her hands feeling the heart bleeding.

After all that happened, after all she did for Annie, she was done but that didn't mean it hurt less.

Just a pill and the pain will stop. She said herself instead she took many more. She swallowed closing her beautiful eyes and wiping away that tear that succeeded to fall along her cheek.

It had been crazy weeks: the issues with Arthur about his unofficial nominee like American ambassador in China, Lena Smith's scandal, Annie's travel to Russia and her capture, Arthur's suspects about her and Seth.

Too much to handle, too much pressure and at the moment, after the conversation which determined the end of the relationship with her best operative, Joan was falling apart.

She took her bag and coat and came up to the seventh floor. Being trapped in the elevator made her head spinning, she was feeling to suffocate.

Keep breathing, keep breathing, you'll arrive at the floor soon she tried to calm herself down but the oxygen didn't seem to be willing to reach her lungs. She was a well-trained agent of CIA who couldn't panic in a damn elevator!

Once she reached the floor she took a deep breath and put on her poker face heading to Arthur's office.

"Hey, you ready to go home?" she asked softly

"I'm going to take a cab" it was his answer "And this is where you can reach me for the next few days." He added giving her a piece of paper

"The Mayflower?" she closed the door realizing the point "Why are you staying in a hotel?"

"Oh, it's just for a few days," he said without looking at her "I just need to clear my head."

"Because I spoke up in the drone room?"

"Oh please, you know what I'm talking about."

"Arthur, please don't overreact" she walked over to him

"That's exactly why I'm doing this, because I don't want to overreact. I don't want to try and hash this out while I'm angry."

"But I ended it with Seth"

"The fact that you had to end it is the problem."

"I really don't think I can take you leaving right now," she added incapable of looking him in the eyes.

"We'll get through this," he said squeezing her arm "I just need a little distance."

She was losing him as she was losing the strength to hold back the tears. Her head started spinning again.

"Arthur, wait." She turned to face him, her hands were shaking "There's something I need to tell you."

Her husband looked at her waiting for her to say something.

"I… I…" she stuttered before blacking out