Last October, after a crippling case of writer's block and harrowing run-in with the local mafia, I took a personal vacation to Hyrule as a part of a nine-day tour. On the eighth day of the tour we visited Hyrule's capital, Castle Town, and toured its famous landmarks; such as Malo Mart and the Happy Mask Shop. The small living space above the Bombchu Bowling Alley was once home to journalist Canonboar Dragonspire, famed for his compelling and controversial articles like "Gorons or morons?" and "Protest for the perpetual openness of the Door of Time". He was also widely known for his political novellas, which, with the arrival of Gutenberg's printing press to Hyrule, were mass produced and commonly seen on Hylian bookshelves. Dragonspire's last published article, "Link—destiny of a hero, foot odor of goat dung" resulted in a cry of slander from the outraged public masses. However, Dragonspire was never tried and disappeared from the literary and political world after the fall of Ganondorf.

The bottom of structure of the Bombchu Bowling Alley suffered fire damage almost fifty years ago. Although the damage was infinitesimal, some walls had to be replaced. It was while stripping these walls that they discovered the hidden staircase to Dragonspire's former abode. Because the locals could not get the support of the Royal Family to preserve the room, they have done a stunning job themselves keeping it just the way it was found.

It was while photographing this historic place that I stumbled across the following manuscript. At first glance it seemed to be a prop set up to look genuine, but when I asked the tour guide about it she replied, almost mechanically, that no props were used in any Hyrulian landmarks and assured me of its one-hundred percent authenticity. Considering the Royal Family's leniency concerning Canonboar Dragonspire, I had no difficulty claiming the manuscript and taking it back home to translate from Old Hylian. I have spent the last few months stooped over the manuscript and my own copy of The Book of Mudora in order to bring you this immaculate and unaltered version of Canonboar Dragonspire's Villainous Philanthropy. Enjoy.