A/N: I LIVE! I have returned from my hiatus, and have decided to start a new story, namely this parody fic. It is not meant to be taken seriously, rather it is supposed to make fun of the various Mary Sue fics out there.
Prologue: Meet the Sues
Mary Sue was a kind woman. She lived with her husband, Marty Sue, in a large manor on a hill in southern England, and were very well respected by the nearby population. Of course, the Sues were no ordinary family, as they were the latest in one of the oldest magical lines in the wizarding world, and each of them had magical power that could rival Merlin himself.
Of course, they were humble and never showed off their power to the rest of the world. In fact, most of the wizarding world did not even know they existed, which suited them all the better, as they were left alone to perform more of their research on magic and accumulate yet more power.
Every week, the Sues would leave their manor and go for a trip to Diagon Alley, in order to purchase various magical ingredients, doing so in disguise of course. It wouldn't do for people to recognize them, as they were also in possession of an improved design of the sorceror's stone, which they called the philosopher's stone. This stone could not only be used in any permanent magical transmutation, but it could also create both elixirs of eternal life and eternal youth. Thus, the Sues had lived for hundreds of years, eternally young and immortal.
However, on one of their trips, the portkey they were using misfired, and landed them in the middle of a certain street, in front of Number 4, Privet Drive. They had appeared out of thin air, and had naturally disillusioned themselves as soon as they landed, being visible for only a fraction of a second. They then set out on a walk, intending to make it to Diagon Alley to continue their trip, but then a black blur raced by them, pursued closely by several bigger boys.
"Kill the freak! Kill the freak!" They chanted.
With their mage sight, the Sues could easily see that the bullies' quarry was, in fact, a wizard, one with an abnormally large magical core, one which could grow to surpass even the Sues!
"Oh Marty, we simply must save him!" Mary said through her telepathic link with her husband.
"I agree." Marty Sue replied, and with a wave of his hand, the pursuing boys fell to the ground like puppets with their strings cut. The little black haired boy noticed this, and stopped running, collapsing in exhaustion. Mary Sue quickly scooped him up into her arms and turned to her husband.
"Will you finish the trip to Diagon Alley? I must make sure that the poor boy is alright." She said, before apparating away to the Sue manor.
Appearing in the foyer, she ran up to one of the unused rooms, which was promptly transformed into an opulent bedroom. Laying the boy down on the conjured bed, she quickly began to wandlessly cast a set of healing and diagnostics spells. She quickly saw the evidence of severe malnutrition and physical abuse, and quickly undid the damage, strengthening bones and building muscle. Soon, the abused boy resembled a healthy and strong 5 year old child. However, one of the diagnostics spells turned up dark. There was something on the young boy's soul, leeching off of him like the parasite it was. The boy was a horcrux. Quickly tracing a set of glowing white runes in the air, Mary began to chant. A scream, and the parasite was destroyed, leaving the boy's body in the form of a black mist.
Finishing her incantation, Mary waved her hand and the boy woke up. Looking around the room he was in, his eyes settled on the beautiful woman who was standing over him, a smile on her face.
"Where... Where am I?" The boy asked fearfully.
"Don't worry. I have rescued you from those who would abuse you so. You are at Sue manor, little wizard." Mary replied, kindly.
"Wizard? I'm not a wizard, I'm just a freak. Auntie 'tunia and Uncle Vernon said so." Harry replied.
"You are most assuredly not a freak! You are quite possibly the most powerful wizard of this age, and I will be sure to raise you like one, or my name isn't Mary Sue!"
"What do you mean? I have to go back to my cupboard, don't I?" The boy asked.
"No, of course not! If you so wish, I can adopt you into the Sue family and you will never have to even set eyes on your detestable guardians ever again!"
"Do you really mean it?" The boy asked excitedly.
"Of course! Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?" Mary exclaimed, and quickly opened a portal to an extradimensional storage space containing every potion she had ever made. Among them were several blood adoption potions.
Taking the bottle out, she dropped a single strand of her hair into the bottle, watching the liquid change from grey to bright gold, before taking another strand of hair from the boy. Dropping it in, she watched a spiral of emerald green form inside.
"Now, what is your name?" Mary asked.
"Harry Potter, I think, but everyone calls me Freak, so I don't know."
"Very well then. I hereby proclaim that Harry Potter shall now be named Harry Sue in accordance to his adoption into the Venerable, Ancient, and Noble House of Sue, so mote it be." A corona of golden light formed around her, extending to the boy in question. The potion glowed, signifying Magic's acceptance of the adoption. She handed the vial to Harry Potter, soon to be renamed Harry Sue.
"Drink this, and the ritual will be complete." Mary said, and Harry complied. There was a bright flash of green light, and Harry changed. His emerald green eyes became flecked with gold, and his body changed to radiate a pristine, noble aura, the strength of which surprised even Mary. The boy was indeed powerful.
Soon, Harry had stopped glowing, and looked at his hands in wonder.
"Congratulations, Harry Sue. Welcome to the Sue family." Mary Sue said, smiling.
