So, for those of you who read The Little Things, this is an AU of that. I know the characters don't know Kate and Abi are sisters, but we all know, so I can finally post this! :D! In this version, Abi was at the diner with Kate and her father the night their mother was killed, and this is the aftermath. I won't be continuing it right away; once there's a significant amount more of The Little Things written, then I'll continue on with this, but I found it so emotionally powerful to write, I had to share it with you. Anyways, enjoy, then review and tell me what you think!
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She was numb. As she stood, lips quivering and blue from the cold, her arm wrapped tight around the shoulders of the young girl beside her, she could feel the slow tears freezing on her cheeks. The human frame she was holding shuddered, nestling deeper into the curve of her waist, hiding from the cold and the painful confrontation before her.
Today, they buried their mother. It had been only a week, the wounds and nightmares of her untimely death still fresh in their minds, as they watched the dark oak descend underground. Their father was standing a few paces over, his sunglasses shielding his eyes from the hard-to-come-by midday sun, sensitive from the night before.
Kate almost couldn't bear to look at her father; his refuge had been not in the welcoming arms of his family, but in the dark reaches of liquor, his mind lost from seven nights straight.
Since that night, she had spent her days keeping herself busy. She couldn't recall exactly what she'd been doing; she knew the house was cleaner now, and the fridge fuller. She didn't remember actually doing those things, but she figured she must have at some point. Her sister's homework was still on the table, uncompleted but started nonetheless, an open pencil case sitting beside it.
The laundry pile was growing, and Kate was sure she'd get around to it during another of her fugue states that seemed to happen more often than not these days. Abi's school clothes were in that pile, meaning they would have to be done before Monday. It was Saturday today. On Saturdays, they cooked dinner together.
She scolded herself for absent-mindedly wondering what her mother was going to invent tonight. It wasn't going to feel like Saturday again, not the way it used to. Last Saturday hadn't even been a regular one. Their mother had worked late, promising to meet them at a local diner for a meal. Kate and Abi had sat with their father, laughing about something ridiculous Abi had done at school, or the antics of one of Kate's teachers. There were some fries thrown, amongst disapproving looks from waitresses. Milkshakes were sculled and burgers were downed like they'd never been fed in their lives.
The police detective at the door was greeted with confusion, then anger, and finally, sorrow.
She didn't remember the car trip to Washington Heights in the back of that blue and white. What she did remember was the helpless look in her father's eyes. The tears and sobs that escaped Abi. The detective who lifted the tape and led them to her decrepit body. The clothes she was wearing. The way her hair matted on her face. The cold color of her skin.
They were all vivid memories, and, Kate had the feeling, that Abi remembered them all the more. She knew they would not vanish kindly, from the minds of any of them. The fielding of phone calls from distressed relatives and remorseful friends had almost overwhelmed Kate, who had been forced by her father's new reliance on the bottle to take command.
She had not yet had the time to grieve. Sure, the first night she cried. Abi had padded her way into her big sister's arms, sobbing, their combined sleep not reaching more than about 30 minutes. That had been the end result of most nights, waking up before the sun was up clutching Abi, tearstained cheeks and bloodshot eyes greeting her in the mirror each morning.
A gentle tugging on her arm brought her back to the moment. Her mother was gone. She was in the ground, no more words of wisdom or advice to escape her, no more of those hugs that Kate yearned for every time she came home from college.
She followed the whittling congregation of those memorializing Johanna Beckett, her father wandering like a lost child off to the side. He was among people but not really with them, his presence acknowledged but not interacted with.
"Katie, are we going home?"
The quiet, shaky voice of her eleven year old sister broke the silence that had been happening since they left their apartment this morning. Kate almost didn't realize she was speaking to her, and if it weren't for the bright green eyes gazing sadly up at her, she wouldn't have noticed.
"Uh, yeah, Abi, we are," Kate replied, the timid voice that escaped surprising even her. Abi nodded solemnly, her hand reaching up to clutch her sister's, holding it tightly with no intention of letting go.
"I don't want to go home," the young girl asserted, watching Kate's eyes scan the path ahead, leading them back to the chauffeur-driven cars they'd arrived in.
"Abi –"
"I don't want to, Katie," she reiterated, tears marring her voice and vision, "I don't want to go back there if Daddy's gonna be like that."
Kate sighed. Her little sister had been hit hardest by the sudden loss of both their parents, having been more dependent on them in her young years than Kate had. Since moving out to attend college, the older Beckett hadn't felt the need to lean on her mother and father, an independence deriving also from her stubborn nature. Climbing into the car, she let Abi follow, sitting on the other side away from their father.
"Don't worry, sweetie," Kate murmured, hugging the young girl tight to her side, letting her brown waves fall over her face, shielding judgment, "I won't let anything happen to you."
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The Beckett home was quiet that night. Kate sat in her room, door closed, pillow squeezed tightly between her chest and her knees, her arms wrapped around her whole frame. She felt so small, so unimportant in a world that she felt had turned completely upside down.
The tears had been streaming silently down her face for quite some time now, her eyes fixed on a vague spot just in front of her. Once they'd arrived home, her father had made a beeline for the liquor cabinet, taking his usual place on the arm chair to stare at a blank television and a photo frame that was permanently attached to his hand.
A knock on the door startled her, her eyes glancing over to the clock that read well after midnight before she stood, leaving the damp pillow on her bed. She knew exactly which family member would be standing on the other side of her door, the reason for which she was not surprised when small arms wrapped themselves around her waist.
Kate could feel the moisture from her sister's cries soaking the front of her shirt, closing the door quietly and leading the young girl to her bed.
"Come here, baby girl," Kate cooed softly, the two sisters intertwining in their newly-practiced way, curling up and allowing the tears to fall freely.
Despite their seven year age gap, the two girls were as close as twins yet as explosive as a volcano when they fought. But, at times like this, they knew enough to just be there for each other, not caring about what outside voices might say or think.
"Katie, I want Mommy back," Abi murmured into her sister's pajama shirt, the tears somewhat subsiding, "why did she have to go?"
"Abi, she didn't go cos she wanted to, okay?" Kate assured, sniffing back tears, "Someone horrible took her from us."
"But why?" Abi demanded, separated from Kate, her gaze hard, "Why did someone kill her?"
"I don't know, Abi, let's not talk about it –"
"No, Katie, I want to know!" Abi cried, "I want to know who murdered her!"
"Abi, please –"
"Don't you want to know, Katie? Don't you want to know who killed our own mother?"
Abi was getting angry now, standing and clenching her hands to fists, her brows furrowed, eyes glistening as she fumed.
"Abi, it's the detective's job to find the person who did this, not yours," Kate explained, reaching for the young girl's hand. Abi yanked it away angrily, pulling her arms tightly across her chest.
"What if he can't find the answer?" she added quietly, the worry and fear setting back in. Kate watched, her heart breaking as Abi's face fell, her tears falling rapidly and her vision becoming blurred.
"What if we never find out what happened to Mommy, and Daddy never stops drinking?" Abi cried, her sobs marring her previous anger and purpose, "What will happen then?"
"Abi, don't say things like that…" Kate murmured, her own composure lost to tears as Abi turned and stomped out, weeping on her way back to her room.
"Abi, come back!"
Kate followed the little girl out of the room, looking toward the still dark bedroom down the hall, before realizing the eleven year old was headed for the front door.
"No, Abi, don't!"
Kate ran, ran for the little girl who was fleeing the pain of her life, her progress stopped only by the non-compliant elevator.
"Abi, please –"
"No, Katie, you're just like Daddy!" Abi cried, "You're too scared to find out what happened –"
"Abi, it's not our job!"
"Then what is our job?" Abi demanded, "What are we supposed to do?"
The intensity of the last few days hit Abi all at once, as she crumpled in a heap on the floor, her shoulders shaking and chest heaving as Kate slowly walked over. Abi felt the hand on her shoulder, accepting it gratefully. Sliding gently across the ground, she fell into her sister's arms, letting her body flop into her larger, less desolate frame.
"Come on, baby, let's go," Kate whispered, pulling a limp and upset Abi up to her feet, dragging her back into their apartment. Inside, their father was passed out on the armchair, the photo frame now on the ground. Kate could see the photograph sticking out, crumpled under the frame, the glass of which had smashed on the hardwood floor.
"Abi, go brush your teeth, I'll be a sec," she murmured, allowing her sister to wander off vacantly, before she rushed to pick up the pieces, not noticing when the edge sliced her index finger. She felt no pain, worried only about keeping the condition of the photograph as it was. Headed for the kitchen, she threw the whole thing into the trash, holding the glossy paper to her chest as she walked back down the hallway.
Reaching her room, she found it was empty, sliding the picture under her pillow before she turned on her heel and moved out again. Peering down the hall, she noticed Abi's light on, the silence worrying to her. Upon entering, she found the young girl sitting in a ball on her bed a photo album at her feet.
Where'd she get that? Kate thought absent-mindedly as she wandered over, taking a seat by her side, eyeing the photo her sister was drawn to.
It was a day she remembered vividly; it was the day of Abi and Kate's first singing duo. They sang in Musical Theater sections, this particular occasion being Oklahoma, a song that just so happened to be dear to their mother's heart.
"Do you reckon she's watching us?" Abi whispered, turning to Kate, "Do you think she'll always be there if we need her?"
Kate let an arm fall around the girl's shoulders, pulling her close.
"I think she'll always be with us," Kate said, "no matter what."
"What about Daddy?" Abi asked, a little more uncertain this time, "Is he going to always be like this?"
"I don't know sweetie," Kate interjected, closing the album gently then putting it on the bedside table, "but I think it's time we got some sleep –"
"No, Katie, don't go!" Abi cried, grasping her sister's arm as she attempted to move, "Please don't leave me…"
"It's okay, baby, I'm not going anywhere," Kate assured her, taking Abi's hands in hers, looking her right in the eyes, "I will never leave you, okay?"
Abi gave a weak nod, sniffling as the tears began, her cheeks already becoming drenched.
"You promise?" she whispered, falling softly into the embrace Kate gestured for. Lifting the young girl into her arms, she walked out of the room, switching off the light as she went. Entering her own bedroom, she let Abi fold out of her arms and into the bed, curling up under the covers. Closing the door and turning off the light, Kate was quick to join her, snuggling close, an arm wrapped securely around Abi. She might not be able to get them their mother back, but she was sure as hell not going to let anything happen to her baby sister.
"I promise you, Abigail Beckett, I will never leave you."
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