Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I've made use of them for my own writing without intent of copyright.


Chapter 1.- The dream.

I laid a pale rose on top of the casket. Nobody had seen the body inside except for firefighters and the mortician. The elders had refused to. We refused to. It was enough that we could still smell the stench of the burnt flesh. My heart ached, but I couldn't tell the reason why. I had never met her before. I'd listen to her soothing voice over the phone, and I'd seen her in many childhood pictures, but it had been years since our last meeting. That's why it was a mystery that her death irked me so much. We had lost her, yes, but I made sure to avenge her with own hands. Her killer was long gone but I hadn't been able to bring her back. To make her explain why I was so upset over losing her if I had never had her to begin with. After mine, four more roses were laid on top.

"Let your daughter lay with those who came and went before her, and then take her to your glory, where she will find infinite love and peace." The pastor's grim voice echoed as they started to put her down.

My stomach fell when I heard the dry thud from the casket hitting the soil below us and I couldn't contain the wolf within me any second longer. I ran and ran. I tried to get rid of the feeling of being half-empty. The feeling of missing something without knowing what it is. I crashed dozens of trees, trying to scrape my skin and let the feeling bleed out. But it wasn't working.

After struggling for hours and getting no result, I laid in the forest, hurt and confused. I let days, maybe weeks pass by. For the first time, it was all silent. No voices in my head. I felt how my skin sucked into my ribs, how my mind wandered between the conscious and unconscious. I was just waiting for the last day to come like that.

"Son," a voice called after the sky turned completely dark one night.

"Did I die, too?" I asked, hopeful.

"Son," it called again. "I'm afraid you did, but your walk between the living hasn't ended yet. I can't let you enter my realm."

"Let me die, please," I begged.

"Son… why do you want to hurt me, your mother? The journey I traced for you still has many more steps until it is over," the Voice said with a pained tone.

"It feels like I've died, too. Just let me die with her," I cried. "I beg you."

"Oh, my sweet son… I shall cut this pain that makes you beg for death. I shall give you physical pain instead, though. But not without the promise of another chance," the Voice explained softly.

For a second, I felt as if I was being lifted into the air with enormous care. I let myself do. A warm feeling spread from my core to the tip of every finger. The warmth quickly evolved, and I felt like fire burned my alive. I screamed and twisted, but the fire never ended, and I was never fully engulfed by it. I couldn't remember when it had started, and I didn't know when it would end. My own screams pierced my own ears. I wanted to beg for it to end, but I couldn't speak over the pain. Something pulled from my middle section, painfully crawling out of my body, and making the biggest effort to open my eyes, I saw a charred figure detaching from my body. It was her. It was Rachel Black. I screamed again.

I woke up in sweat and with my throat feeling like sand paper after yet another nightmare. I glanced outside to confirm that I was in bed, in my room, at home. The sun peeked through the mountains, and the alarm clock soon went off. It was barely six in the morning. Knowing that I would be more tired if I went back to sleep, I decide to start my day off a little earlier than usual.

I tiredly walked myself out of bed, towards the shower. Outside was early November, but my body begged me for a cold shower. I growled thinking that I should soon stop these or I would freeze my piping. The water ran against my body, making it shudder at first, but then regulating the rising body temperature that the bad rest had given me. I washed myself, trying to be delicate with my middle body. There, a scar proved that my nightmare had been more of a recollection. Gruesome and bumpy, a line extended from my belly button to the middle of my chest, and similar one ran down until stopping at my waistline. I finished washing while trying to get the horrible image of Rachel out of my mind.

I walked out of my bathroom after turning off the shower and wrapping a towel around my waist, going straight into my closet and putting on just enough clothes not to look like a lunatic when going outside. After years of being stared at, I realized that a twenty-three-year-old wouldn't walk around in cut off shorts and no shirt in the beginning of winter. Joggers, a sweatshirt, and a black leather jacket did the trick, although they felt a little stuffy. I glanced at the back of the walk-in closet as I made my way out, aware that it looks empty with my scarce clothing selection, since it was made for two rather than one. I tried to picture someone filling in the space, but the image of Rachel popped into my mind, like every other time I did.

Having thought of the Black twin way too much that morning, I decided to clear my mind with exercise. More often than not, I would end up running between five and ten miles around the reservation to clear my mind from unpleasant memories, and this very Saturday wouldn't be exception. I made my way out of the house feeling like something bad was going to happen, although nothing would be as bad as having to spend my time with my own memories.

I took the same old trail behind my house – the one that would lead me into First Beach while avoiding anyone that I might've known. I especially avoided the pack's homes, knowing that they never fully understood what I was thinking. Over the years it got easier, as people moved out of their parents' and started living on their own, scattered across the reservation. There were always the three big ones to avoid, though. The Clearwater, Uley, and Black households stood one after the other, always to be avoided.

The first one was mostly because Sue and Leah Clearwater always looked at me with pity, especially since the youngest female and her brother phased and had unlimited access to my fucked-up mind. Harry had kept them in line until before his passing, but they felt free to feel bad for me all the time after that. And that went for Sam and Emily too. After Sam's mother had passed away, the newlyweds moved into the alpha's childhood home. Home that Emily and Sam would constantly assure was 'always open' to me. I growled with disgust. I didn't need a reminder that people felt bad for me. Lastly, I wouldn't be constant reminder to Billy Black and his son that Rachel couldn't be saved in time, so it was the Black's whom I avoided the most.

After a couple miles, I shuddered without feeling cold. I turned around the trail and saw a big pair of amber eyes looking at me from the distance. A russet wolf stood solemnly between the trees.

"What do you want, Jacob?" I asked, trying to hide the surprise from my voice. I rarely went out when the youngest Black was on patrol. "Huh?"

Jacob retreated for a moment into the denser forest and then came out wearing the typical cut off shorts and nothing else. How long had it been since I had last seen him? Months, probably. He still looked young, considering that he phased the most out of everyone in the pack, although he didn't look like the kid he was before. You could tell that he aged just enough to shed the last bits of his teenage self.

"How's it going, Paul?" He asked as he approached me.

"Same old, same old," I repled nonchalantly. "Everything's shit but at least I have a free day today."

"You know… you should stop by mine's," he said, trying to sound comforting. "My dad would like to see you from time to time..."

"I have nothing to do at your house, Jacob." I mumbled coarsely.

"Billy… dad, he wants to talk about Rachel, he thinks it will make you good," Jacob said, like it wasn't a crazy idea what he was suggesting.

"Tell your dad that I don't want to, or need to," I replied even more harshly than before. "I have enough scars already."

"C'mon, Paul… it's been seven years already…" Jacob said under his breath, and I know he wasn't trying to rub a wound, but it did.

"I'm not mourning your sister, Jake," I replied, trying to get him off me. "I literally died and came back, bound to relive it in dreams. This is not about you or your family. This is about me trying to forget how awful that was!"

I knew that what I said isn't completely true. I just didn't want Jacob looking at me with those eyes anymore. He sighed, and I backed off a little.

"At least come to his birthday dinner next week," Jacob said finally. "This is an order from Sam too, so I hope you make it. We'll have other guests, so don't feel like you have to talk to anyone. Just make an act of presence."

Jacob then left when he understood that I wouldn't confirm my attendance. He ran towards the forest and got lost in the distance. I remained silent for a while, before crashing my fist against a tree and breaking through the bark. Goddamnit. I went back to running, trying to convince myself that there was a way around it, although I knew there wasn't. I would have to visit Billy Black's home. Rachel's home.