He was texting me everything about that day. Hey Lucy, it said in the first one.
My Great Dark King, I told you to call me Lucius. I hate that nickname. I hit send.
Whatever, Lucy. I didn't reply to that one. He just likes getting on my nerves. I got another one. Okay, okay, enough with the 'Dark King' stuff. If I can call you Lucy, you can call me Voldemort, but NO NICKNAMES.
Okay, cool, I replied. If he were a different type of person, I would've added Tommy-boy at the end, but I knew he's probably kill me literally if I'd have said that.
A few hours later, he sent me another text. The Aurors found my hiding place, but I'M STILL HIDING.
Where are you? I replied urgently.
The old Riddle house. No one would expect me to be that place that I hate the most.
Why are you hiding there if you hate it so much?
No one would expect it. DUH.
I had to admit that it was a good idea, but I still thought it was a little too obvious.
I got another text only a few seconds later. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, LUCY!
What's my fault?
They heard my phone ding when you texted me and found me curled up in a cabinet.
Why didn't you just turn the volume off?
After a short pause, he texted me again.
…You can do that?
Yeah, Voldemort. How do you think I escaped the Aurors for so long? If they heard phones during our death eater meetings, we'd be dead like 20 years ago.
It's still your fault.
How?
You never told me about it! Therefore, I'm blaming you. IT'S STILL YOUR FAULT, LUCY. I shook my head at Voldemort's last text. For a master of dark magic, he really could be an idiot sometimes.
I replied, What are they doing now?
They're taking me to the ministry or something, idk. Yaxley said that they want me to realize that there are worse things than death and that I won't be able to die no matter how hard I try.
How are they doing that?
Dementors, I think. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
A few hours later, he texted me again. I'm here with the dementors. In a few minutes, they'll kiss me or whatever that means.
Weird.
I know, right?
I think it means that they'll eat your soul but your body will just sort of dance through life.
WAIT, I'LL GET TO DANCE? :D
I don't know. Just heard phrase that in a musical and thought it would be a good analogy.
Lol I barely even have a soul. If it weren't for that stupid Potter boy and Dumblydork, I'd still have like a hundred horcruxes.
That stumped me for a second. I'd never heard of horcruxes before. Wait, what's a horcrux? I sent Voldemort.
Idk, ask Slughorn. Pretend it's for a school assignment for Draco or something. Worked for me :).
It sounded like a good idea to me, so I sent Professor Slughorn a text. Hey, what's a horcrux? Draco was asking today but I didn't know, so I thought it would be a good idea to ask his favorite teacher.
A few minutes later, I got a reply from the professor. It said, Kind of a long story. Call me in a few hours if you really need to know.
Okay cool bro.
A few minutes later, I got a text from Umbridge. Just caught your friend. You know who I'm talking about lol. You're next, Death Eater. I didn't reply, but a minute later, I got another one from her. Did you get my text? Another one a few seconds later. But you didn't text me back.
OMG UMBRIDGE STOP TEXTING ME! I replied, on my last nerve with this horrific Ministry woman.
Lol nope :). At that point, I just blocked her number from my phone.
I got another text from Voldemort. The dementor just kissed me. Was that supposed to hurt me or something.
How much soul did you even have left? I replied.
Only about one tenth of it.
Lol zombie.
