Well... Haven't written something in like 7 month so why not start something new. My only comment is, I can't believe I'm writing this. Honestly, I don't even know if I'm going to end up posting this story but I guess its worth a try. I recently just started reading stories with this pairing and told myself multiple times I wasn't going to write about them but I couldn't resist XD So tell me if I should continue or not.

(Note I don't own Pewdiepie or Cry, this is just a story, don't take it seriously) ************************************************** **********************

Cry jolted awake, a thin layer of sweat covering his body, it seemed yet again his dark thoughts and fears were penetrating the barrier he made in his mind and haunting him in his dreams. He groaned slightly as he sat up, running a hand through his short, brown hair as he swung his legs off the bed. The brunette then stood up, stretched, and walked over to the bathroom, stopping when he got to the the sink and mirror.

"You gotta stop doing this to yourself..." He murmered, looking at his tired, unmasked face. Cry had dark bags underneath his cobalt eyes, he hadn't had a good night sleep in weeks, his skin was a pasty white, partially because of his sickening hangover and the fact that he rarely went outside, but the thing that stuck out the most... the reason why he hid his face away from the world... was the scar that stretched from his eyebrow all the way down to his cheek. That scar... that one scar... caused so much pain, hatred, anger, and sadness... The memories that came with it were just... horrifying... and Cry got the pleasure to relive them every night.

Cry didn't even know how he remembered those memories from all those years ago, somehow they etched themselves into his brain. The memory of HIM caused shivers to run up the brunettes spine, even after all those years, thinking of that person overwhelmed him with fear. Cry knew he shouldn't be scared any more, that man was long gone, but still, after everything that had happened he couldn't help but be left with the nagging feeling that there were still people around like him... no... he wasn't a person... no person would do what he did... he was a monster, if there were more people like him they deserved to be locked away forever, tortured just like they tortured other people.

Cry couldn't deny it, he was broken, always surrounded by the painful memories, rarely feeling happiness... No one knew, he told no one about what happened, he just couldn't. No matter how close he was to someone he knew that if he told them they'd end up hating him, if he showed them his face... who he was... they'd turn away in disgust. Hell, Cry would probably do the same too, he hated himself, he was a shell of a man, so afraid of the world and people around him that he secluded himself to his house, the only interaction he made with people was online. He was pathetic.

The brunette snapped himself out of his own thoughts, now was not the time for self loathing. If he kept this up he'd have another one of his little 'episodes' which he really didn't need right now, he was still recovering from his last one. Cry looked down at his arms, most of his cuts seemed to be healing over, there were just a couple that were a little deep and probably needed to be disinfected, but first he had to take a shower and wash up, he reeked of alchohol. The brunette turned on the water and slipped off his clothes, he slightly hissed at the temperature of the water when he entered the shower but soon adjusted it.

Cry's mind wandered as he was washing up, he reminded himself he had to make another video to post online today, lately he had been slow with uploading, too distracted by his constant nightmares. A lot of people were worried about him, especially his friends, they had tried to contact him multiple times but Cry never responded. The person he felt worst about was Pewdiepie, the swede sent him a message to him everyday, usually asking if everything was alright. He very rarely got a response back from the brunette. Cry thought for a moment and decided he'd message Pewdiepie today. He really did miss talking to the swede, just things had gotten pretty bad lately, it was hard talking to anyone without having another episode. The brunette got out of the shower, turning it off and wrapping a towel around his waist. He then went into his room and got out his clothes, he grabbed some jeans, a black T-shirt, and his favorite green hoodie.

When he finally got dressed he sat down at his computer, deciding to respond to some messages and comments, he probably would make an update video saying that everything was fine just to make sure no one else worried about him. Cry smiled when he saw Pewdiepie came online on skype, before he could even send a message the sweded beat him to the chase and sent him a video call. Cry grabbed his 'sup mask and put it on before answering the call.

"Hey Pewds" Cry said with a small wave, every worry from before was washed away, he forgot all about the haunting memories, and for the first time in weeks he was happy. That seemed to be an effect Pewdiepie had on the brunette.

"Hey bro, I haven't talked to you in like forever." The swede said with a smile that made Cry's heart flutter.

"I know... I've just had some things going on lately..." Cry said, failing to hide the exhaustion in his voice, Pewdiepie's face went from happy to serious.

"Is everything ok?" He asked, worry in his voice making Cry feel guilty.

"Y-Yeah, everythings fine, don't worry about it." The American lied. He didn't want to burden Pewdie with his problems, hell, he didn't even want to think about them right now. He knew for a fact Pewdiepie didn't believe him, but luckily the swede didn't press for any answers. That was one of the things Cry loved about Pewdie, he would respect other's privacy.

"Ok, well, do you want to play a game or something?" Pewdiepie asked, Cry smiled, he loved playing games with the swede.

"Yeah, sure." The American said, happily. The two then started playing portal together, they were sure the fans would be happy, they always seemed to love when the two did co ops. Cry couldn't help but smile while they played, it took a while for him to realize it but he had a major crush on the swede. Pewdiepie was the only one who could cheer him up when he was upset, he was the sun after the storm for him. Cry knew it was dumb, to have a crush on him, another man, a man who lived all the way in Sweden and had a girlfriend. A small frown appeared behind his mask as he remembered Marzia. Pewdiepie's girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND. Cry gritted his teeth, it was just his luck that he fell for a guy who was already taken.

'Marzia isn't even right for him, I mean come on, she's not that great...' Cry thought to himself but cut himself off, what was he thinking, of course she was great. She was beautiful... nice... It wasn't that much of a surprise that Pewdiepie loved her.

"Hey Cry" The swede snapped Cry out of his thoughts, he looked up at the computer to see Pewdiepie staring at him.

"Is everything ok?" He asked, the American guessed that he had stopped recording without him noticing.

"Yeah... Everything's fine, I just kinda spaced out." Cry said rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh, ok... Well I wanted to talk to you about something." Pewdiepie said, the American's perked up. What would the swede want to talk to him about? Could he have figured out about his crush? Or maybe could he... Cry shook off the thought, there was no way Pewdiepie could feel the same.

"What's going on?" Cry asked, the swede seemed a bit nervous.

"I... I think I'm going to propose..." Pewdie said just loud enough for Cry to hear. Still the American had to ask, he had to make sure he heard right.

"Wait, what?" Cry asked, his voice cracked a little.

"I think I'm going to propose to Marzia." The swede said, more confident this time.

"Propose? As in get engaged?!" Pewdiepie nodded in response. There was a moment of silence before Cry spoke up again.

"Well... uh... That's great Pewds." He said quietly. The brunette looked away from the screen, unable to even look at the swede, he couldn't believe what he was hearing...

"I'm gunna go... I don't really feel good..." Cry said, he didn't even wait for Pewdiepie to respond, he just turned off his computer and backed away. His whole world was just shattered. The person he cared most about... was going to devote his life to someone else... He couldn't help it, the tears just started streaming down his face. The brunette leaned up against the wall and slowly fell down to the floor, pulling his legs up close to him and burying his head into his sweatshirt sleeves.

"I told you not to be so naive." Cry looked up and growled in response, before him stood a person who looked almost identical to him, instead of cobalt eyes though he had red eyes, and the area that should be white was black, his skin was tinted gray, and his hair and clothes were a bit messy.

"Go away, Mad." Cry said sternly, Mad looked at him with slight annoyance.

"I'm just trying to help you out." He said, Cry rolled his eyes.

"No you aren't, I know how this works by now. Whenever you come you try to take over, you use my own emotions against me." The brunette said, Mad laughed.

"I wouldn't have to take over if you just listened, and anyways you can't blame me for you're cuts, you do that to yourself when you try to resist." He said motioning towards Cry's arms. The brunette scanned the cuts, to be honest he wasn't fully sure if Mad was responsible for them. All he knew is that whenever he had a blackout he would wake up with a multitude of cuts. Yes, Cry was a cutter, but he wasn't suicidal or anything, it just helped him deal with things, but lately he didn't even remember doing it.

"Just go away Mad, I want to be alone." The brunette said, turning his head away from the other.

"You'll never be alone and you know that, I'm always here." Mad said stepping closer to Cry.

"You know, we could always go to Sweden, kill them both." He said. As weird as it was, Mad did look out for Cry and was like an older brother to him. He could be really good at points, but at times like these, when he hit the low of the low, Mad tried to bring out the anger and darkness in the brunette.

"Mad, I'm not doing that." Cry said firmly. Mad folded his arms.

"Well why the fuck not, that asshole deserves it anyway." He said, Cry just looked at the floor thinking about Pewdiepie again.

"For god's sake, he led you on Cry and you know it!" Mad yelled, sparking anger in the brunette.

"Shut up!" Cry said as he shot up from where he was sitting on the floor.

"Now he's going to marry that bitch while you're here wallowing in self pity!" The other said angrily.

"MAD!" Cry screamed holding his head, his vision was starting to blur.

"Just let it take over Cry!" Mad yelled, the brunette grabbed a vase next to him and tried to throw it at Mad.

"No... no... no... NO!" Cry screamed trying his best to not let it take over, but there was nothing he could do. Everything turned black and he fell to the floor.

Cry opened up his eyes to find him downstairs in his kitchen, a knife in his hand. He looked down and was covered in blood, there were cuts all on his arms. It had happened again. His eyes widened and he let out a small gasp when he saw a word written on his arm.

'queer'

Cry sighed, he got up despite his body yelling at him not to and bit back a yelp of pain, tears flowed down his cheeks as he slowly limped back upstairs to the bathroom to clean off his wounds. Part of him just wished he hadn't woken up.