Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

I was bored. Don't kill me.

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I'm Only Mortal

Summary: I swear I can see him when I close my eyes. He's always standing right there, just out of my reach. And it hurts so much to know that I can never touch him again. He's just an illusion cast by my pained mind. DEATH FIC AND IT'S NOT SASORI WHO DIED!

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I swear I can see him when I close my eyes. He's always standing right there, just out of my reach. And it hurts so much to know that I can never touch him again. He's just an illusion cast by my pained mind. But at least he hasn't left yet. He's still with me in some form. I can't keep my eyes closed forever, though. I have to open them again sometime. While he'd been lying on his deathbed, he'd told me to get on with life if he didn't make it. What a stupid request. I couldn't do that. I just couldn't. He was my life. He still is.

Today, I got flowers. Daisies, to be exact, because they were his favorite flower. I'm sure he appreciates my memory. I walk to the cemetery, where the wind picks at my clothes and hair, trying to blow petals off the bouquet. I cup the flowers with one of my hands, blocking the wind from them. You know, I can't really remember when I started doing this. I know it was sometime after his death, but I don't really remember when because it's just a habit. It's something I can't escape. Not that I want to.

I step into the cemetery, picking my way past all the graves. I have respect for the dead. I hate walking all over them.

What hurts the most is that no one knows how he died. Only he does. I chuckled darkly. And he took that secret to the grave with him. No one knows if it was suicide or murder. I hate to think that it was suicide. I'd been keeping him alive. Had I been doing a bad job at it? Is that why he took his life? Maybe he didn't though. Someone must have been killed him. If someone did, it was probably Tobi – his personal stalker. Where was the justice in this world? Gone. It disappeared when humanity became mortal.

I sigh as I reach his grave. The wind's getting dust in the words. I reach over and start brushing the dirt away. His name must be seen. And known; no one should forget this soul. I smile in satisfaction when I can read his name. The dates make me a little sad. But he's not dead. He's just sleeping. He's in a sleep that he'll never wake up from. I hope that his dreams are blissful. I glance down to make sure that I'm not standing directly on his grave. I step to the side as I gently set the flowers down in front of the cold stone.

The sun's slowly sinking behind the ragged hills just beyond the graveyard. The chilly wind picks at me again and I wrap my jacket closer around me. I'd always noticed how it was colder when I stepped into the cemetery than it was outside of it. Even passing it, the wind seemed unnaturally cold. It doesn't scare me like it used to though. This was my home away from home anyway. I should be used to it. I glance around the surrounding area. There are eight graves around his. Two of the people in them died of natural causes. The world wasn't right when you saw three headstones in one area that said 2000-2003 'Murdered'.

"You're missing so much," I whisper, trying to fend off the disturbing air that was slowly creeping up on me from behind. I start telling him what happened that day, what happened yesterday – since I hadn't had a chance to come here. When I'm finished, the wind picks up a little, whistling in my ears. The rest of the graveyard is silent. "I miss you so much…Why did you have to go like that?" I didn't usually give into my pain so easily. I hadn't whined like this since the first week after his death. "It isn't fair! There was so much that you haven't experienced – that we haven't experienced!" Tears slowly start rolling down my cheeks and I inhale sharply.

Deidara…

No, this wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had died and I'd only gotten a few broken bones. It wasn't fair that all my friends told me that they were glad I was alive like they didn't care about his death. It wasn't fair that the other driver had been killed and her passenger was still alive. It wasn't fair that we had to watch the people we cared most about being taken out of the cars and then covered with a white sheet, pronounced dead on the spot. It wasn't fair that the passenger had killed himself days later. But then the saying "Life isn't fair" kicks in and I know it's true. Life is out to get everyone. Everyone has to get hurt at least once, some more painfully than others.

Deidara never did anything though. I had never done anything. Our friends were innocent. Had karma made a mistake with his death? He hadn't done anything to deserve death. I hadn't done anything to deserve this pain. This pain that feels like it's ripping me apart from the inside out like a black hole. It started in the chest, sucking in all of my joy and love and then it spread, taking everything except pain with it. And now I feel like one big black hole. Sucking the joy out of everything and replacing it with pain and misery. And yet, the pain is still tearing at me. It's ripping at me and clawing, gnawing on my happiness. What's left of it anyway.

But deep down, in a safe that couldn't be penetrated, I knew that this really was okay. I knew because he was gone from here – this place that captured a soul and fed on their pain. He must be in a happy place. I almost feel jealous. He's okay and I'm still here, suffering more than before. I can't be mad at him though. As long as he really is okay…

I start sobbing. I can't help it. It hurts so badly. He's gone. And there's no bringing him back. I'm absolutely alone. There's no one else to help me through this. All of my friends have someone with them. My family doesn't understand; they just pity me and Deidara's family. Even his family shafts me. I wonder if they think it's my fault that he's dead. Because it's not. I tried to stop it.

The sun sets. I feel both blind and numb. It's dark and I can't cry anymore. I think I'm out of tears. I gasp for air, trying to get some feeling back into my body. I glance out of the corner of my eye. There he is. He's giving me the most disapproving look I've ever received. I close my eyes, trying to ignore what I hope is an illusion. I open my eyes again and he's still standing there, this time shaking his head.

I step back and run for the entrance of the cemetery. This was the first time I was scared here. It almost felt wrong to be scared in such a sacred place. But I was. It was cold and icy. When I was out of the graveyard, and looking back, I wondered if I was ever going be able to visit Deidara again. Didn't he want me there? Or was he trying to reinforce his deathbed request? I couldn't be sure. I let out a shaky breath. I needed to go back again tomorrow. I couldn't live without knowing that Deidara's grave was okay. That he was okay.

Because I wasn't okay. After all…I'm only mortal. And mortals experience nothing but pain and misery, injustice and hate. I was never going to be okay.

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A/N: Deidara death fic. How many of those are out there? Hang on and I'll check. There's, like, none that I can find. (If I'm wrong, go ahead and correct me.) Yeah, I rule and that's all there is to it.

I'm emo. Deal with it. Sorry it's so short. But I could only extend it so much!

I'm getting back to my other stories. Promise. I just couldn't resist writing this. And since it's a oneshot, I can get away with it. :)

Please review.