"Doktor!"
Medic got up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Groping blindly for a light switch, he placed his glasses on his face, and was greeted with the most bizarre sight in his entire life when the light went on.
Heavy, dressed in his pajamas and kneeling on Medic's desk, was holding Medic's Kritzkrieg upside down, attempting to heal what appeared to be half of a teddy bear. "Oh, Doktor! Thank goodness you are here!"
Medic stood in the doorway, staring at Heavy and briefly wondered if he had been smoking anything, or if Spy had slipped something in his drink during dinner. "Heavy?" Medic asked tentatively.
"Is Teddy! I vas hugging him, but then he break in half! So I try to heal with Medic gun. But is not working!" Heavy was beginning to become upset, and when Heavy became upset, he generally started breaking things. Or punching people. Or both, usually breaking the people he was punching.
"Nein, nein. It is okay, Heavy. Go fetch me some string and a needle..." Medic instructed nervously, attempting to calm Heavy down.
"Okay!" Heavy boomed, trusting the doctor completely. Lumbering off to who-knows-where, he began singing to himself, "Teddy soon be better, Medic make teddy better..." The horrendous singing soon faded to elsewhere in the base, and Medic sat down in his office chair, covering his face with his hands.
Heavy came back with a needle and thread, still singing like a tripping Demoman. "Here you go, Doktor!" Medic picked them up, turned to the teddy bear... And noticed that there was only half of it.
"Heavy, vere is ze other half of Teddy?" Medic asked, part of him not wanting to know the answer.
"Oh, is here." At which, Heavy took out a plastic bag, filled with tattered pieces of brown fabric and cotton, mixed with what appeared to be Medic's syringes. "Heavy could not remember which was healing gun at first, so first Heavy try needle, then Heavy try saw, but finally Heavy remember! Healing gun is one Medic always use to heal!" Heavy puffed up his chest, proud of his great accomplishment.
Medic whacked his forehead against the desk repeatedly, wondering how he had gotten into this mess and how many brain cells he was killing by doing that.
"Doktor? Is start time now?" Heavy asked. Medic ignored him, too busy applying desk directly to the forehead to pay him any mind.
Four hours and five cups of coffee later, Medic was finished. Beating his head against his desk. He turned to the teddy bear and began to sew, sewing like the wind, sewing like his life was on the line, sewing like an obese Russian man holding a minigun was staring at him intently while making odd noises - "Yadadadadadada doodoodoodoodoodoodoodoo KABOOM! KABOOM!" Which would have been true, except the obese Russian man was yelling "GOOSH! GOOSH! GOOSH!" While dry-humping a table.
"It is finished!" Medic held up the finished teddy bear, which Heavy immediately snatched from his grip.
"Thank you, Doktor! Thank you so much!" Heavy pulled Medic tightly into a hug, holding him closely.
Medic sighed, closing his eyes – the hug had made the entire ordeal worth it.
