Hermione knew, logically, that it would never work. She wasn't from this time, and Remus was as old as Harry's parents! Not to mention the fact that she wasn't from this time and was his teacher here! No matter how those amber eyes full of hope affected her and, seeing them in her Defence Against the Dark Arts classes every day didn't help her in the slightest, she couldn't allow anything to form between them.
She was supposed to be staying away from him, and she had been trying but Remus was making it near impossible for her to avoid him. Hermione could swear that he was following her whenever possible. There was no way for their paths to normally cross that many times on one day, never mind everyday as it happened with Remus.
The irony of the situation, however, was not lost on her. Hermione remembered trying to do something similar during her third year, when Remus was her Defence Professor. Hermione knew how he felt, because she had wanted the same thing, and that made her sympathetic to him. Something Hermione knew she shouldn't be if she wanted to stand firm in her decision.
The hope in his eyes was something that weakened her defences. There had been very few people with that much hope, most of it crushed by the war, in her own time. With all the death they had faced, it was nothing surprising. Only the younger children, the ones who had never had to live through the war or were too young to understand it had held onto their hope.
Perhaps that was why she allowed him to come to her office every day, asking a question whose answer he would never listen to. Hermione knew he wasn't listening, with his eyes glazed over and deep in his own thoughts. Hermione knew that was encouraging Remus, and that he thought she didn't notice his lack of attention in class despite the fact that his eyes were on her the entire lesson.
Hermione could put a stop to it. She knew that she should be putting a stop to it, but she simply couldn't. She couldn't because of what she had felt during third year. They would come back when she thought of outright rejecting him, as she should and was expected of her by all of the staff and Dumbledore. Although Dumbledore had that awful twinkle in his eye that gave Hermione the sneaking suspicion that he knew exactly why she wasn't rejecting him.
Which was why Remus was here again tonight, eyes on her as she explained some detail that had been in the Defence textbook but had been left out by her. It wasn't particularly important, but she had a duty to explain it to whoever asked it. It hadn't taken long to find out what types of information they didn't have in this time.
"Do you understand?"
Hermione watched as Remus blinked, before shaking his head. She sighed, wondering if he ever understood, or even listened, to anything she said the first time around. It always turned out this way. That was why it took a few hours to explain something that should have only taken around ten minutes.
"It's okay, Professor. I think I've got it now," Remus said, nearly ten minutes later – exactly the time she had predicted!
Hermione smiled, "That's good. Now go back to your dorm, curfew is soon."
Remus nodded, flashing Hermione a smile as he left, "Thanks Professor!"
There were other times like these, that Hermione got the feeling that she was reading too much into it. That Remus' thoughts flew to some other place, and he was simply distracted or was concentrating more than he really needed to. Hermione hoped so.
She didn't want to experience the other side of what she had felt during third year, even though this was probably how it felt already so she didn't need to fear that.
If Remus ever got brave enough to admit it, she didn't know if she would have the heart to turn him down, knowing that Remus would probably use the same excuse for her in a few years. Not that she had ever confronted Remus about it, even after they had left Hogwarts and Tonks had died in the war, but that was what had forced Ron and her apart.
Whatever Hermione did now, she knew it affected the future because she wasn't supposed to be here. She was the stranger, the alien, in this time, and she wasn't supposed to interfere with anything. She had ever heard of Remus in a relationship with someone else while in Hogwarts, and that may affect his future relationship with Tonks – something that had upset her when she had first heard about it. Tonks had probably been his student as well! Hermione had known of the worries Remus had about his and Tonk's age gap, and the fact that there would have been large amounts of guilt as well had it been her, mainly because she was Harry's best friend.
She knew that guilt now, too well, and was thankful that she had never imposed that on him. Tonks hadn't, and, while she had envied Tonks, she was thankful of it now. Hermione didn't want to impose that kind of torment on Remus.
Hermione watched the door close, silently, behind Remus, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes wearily.
Written for Quidditch League: Round 10: Wigtown Wanderers Captain – Teacher/Student
